I am stupid.
Ha, love to start my blog this way.
But seriously, I am. My friend doesn't talk with me for weeks and BAM, they need something - act like nothing is wrong. I hate when someone does that. You know why? Because I should say FUCK YOU and instead I say 'Yeah, sure, I'll help ya'. To be honest, I an so used to being used when someone need something that I don't even care anymore. You need me to do something? Yeah, of course. It doesn't matter that it takes my time and my mood (usually I feel really bad after that) I will always help everyone out. So, yeah, I am stupid. I'd probably jump from the building if someone would say they need me to. But yeah. I did what I was asked to and then it was pretty... I don't know what's the word, but it wasn't good. Especially when I got to just walk away by myself because no one bothered to ask me to hang out together. I do need to be asked, ok? I don't just invite myself. I mean, yeah, maybe it's guys night and they don't need me, but they still could have explained, right?
Anyway, I went home almost in tears. I don't even know why. I couldn't cry, obviously, because I was wearing my mascara, but it took a lot of deep breaths to keep it in. And then I got home and did what I had to. When I'm in this kind of mood, I always bake. And this time it's an apple pie (omg guys it's the best, everyone loves it). I was peeling apples, singing to the Arctic Monkeys and little by little, I felt better. It always helps. Not the singing, baking. I love making pies (or cakes, I still can't decide what is what). And I was stupid enough to text them and say if they want any, they are welcome to come around. Stupid me. They obviously said no.
At least I'll have all of my pie to myself, right? Maybe I'll share with my flatmates, someone bought us pizza, so I could at least say 'thank you' by doing this. Maybe. Or I could keep it to myself and have something tasty for a few days.
I should probably do my challenge, it takes about an hour to complete it now. It doesn't sound so hard as well, so... yeah. I will probably go and do it (even if I don't feel like it). Though, yeah, writing about all of this kind of ruined my mood again. I need my songs! Let's pray there will be no sad ones, or I'll find myself crying in the middle of my room. Stupid pms. Stupid me.
love you guys to the moon and back, I really needed to say all of this to someone x
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