Don't ask why I was thinking about it, even I can't figure out why I think what I think.
I'm pretty sure I've told you guys about my first crush. Like, the real one. And how we were hanging out with his friends all the time and eventually we all became good friends and stuff like that. What I haven't told you, I think, is that one of those friends was a son of a guy who dated my Mom when they were young. But that's not really relevant, I just wanted to share it with you, because I just love that story. Anyway, he is like a year and a half younger than me (i know, right, strange) and I was pretty sure he had a crush on me. Like, we have kissed once, but that was more of a play than a real thing. But back to what I realised. I'm friends with him for around 6 maybe 7 years. He was always fun to be around with, but since everyone knew I had a crush on another friend, everything was pretty much on friends level. Anyway, for the last year when I totally stopped being around my crush, I still met up with other guys from our group. Especially with this one and another friend. They were fun to hang around with and they really didn't want me to go abroad. So, few days before I had to go, I spent most of my evenings with them. We were joking around and stuff, but from time to time they'd make a comment that I should kiss one of them. And to be honest, I couldn't even think about it without laughing at that moment. I mean, what I thought was, 'we are friends, you know a guy whom I still probably like and you still want me to share my kiss with you?'. So, yeah, I went abroad without kissing either of them.
But that's not the point. Today, while browsing Facebook, I've remembered this episode and it made me chuckle. Why? Mostly, because present-me would totally do it. I got used to kisses so much it's not even a big deal anymore. I mean, I've kissed two of the guys from my group here and it's not strange to be around them at all. Even though I don't really hang out with them anymore (truth to be told, the longer I am alone, the better I feel about not seeing them. Good job, Judita, don't be dependant on anyone). Anyway, yeah, I've realised how much I've changed in the past seven months (oh my, it's been seven months already). Before coming here, to England, I was really complex person. The thought of kissing someone I know but I'm not in relationship with sounded like I'm a slut or something. Now? Now I care about who it is as much as... idk, I don't really care about it. I don't even know what to compare it with. But yeah, I don't know if it make me more slutty or not, but honestly, what I see from this situation is that I've grown as a person and I'm much more confident than I was before. I'm so proud of myself.
I wonder what my Mum would say about all of this. I mean, She wasn't around anymore when I got to experience my first kiss, so I don't even know how She'd react to that. My guess is, She'd be happy about me. She'd say that She's proud and as long as it doesn't make me sad, She's totally fine with what I'm doing. She was really supportive through everything, I miss Her advices and encouragements so much ;/
Anyway, no, I'm not sad ;) I'm gonna go take a shower, watch some 'House of cards' while my hair will dry and then I should go to the store to buy some eggs for tomorrow. I'm not gonna dye them, I'm too lazy, but I sure as hell eat some. It's, after all, Easter ;3
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