By the way, Hi guys ;3
A few days ago one of my friends told me to give the best shot at insulting him. He's really annoying prick, trust me, I could make a list of what I would say (naaah, that's my bae, I wouldn't trash my friends like that), but I just couldn't say it out loud. Maybe it was a pressure of saying the worst possible thing, but I doubt that. See, the problem I have here is that I avoid using bad language. I mean, I do say fuck and stuff like that, but honestly, that's mostly when I'm alone. Or because it's not my native language. To be honest, we, Lithuanians, swear in Russian, mostly. I do use those words when I'm alone, obviously, because when I'm with myself I'm really brave, but around others... I watch my language very, and I mean very, carefully. I can't even say 'drunk' or 'sex' or 'penis' or 'vagina' out loud. Unless I'm drunk, but that doesn't count, does it? Anyway, what I'm trying to say, I'd rather trash someone with puns and stuff like that than actually call them something really insulting. Yes, I used a lot of 'you bitch' in the past but the longer I live here, the less I use the word 'bitch'. I don't know why, though.
Yes, I know, that's another one of my complexes. I have mentioned about my condition, haven't I? It's not medical, don't worry, but my comfort zone is literally just around my feet. Anything braver than asking for a sauce in McDonald's is out of my comfort zone. I mean, I occasionally step out of it, mostly when I had even a sip of a drink, and I do like it, but I hate that I can't be brave all the time. I can't speak my mind without feeling judged because of my language barrier. I can't curse because I was raised that girls shouldn't swear. I can't call anyone 'butthead' or 'fuckboy' or 'cunt' or whatever. I would feel like shit calling someone like that. I get a few moments when I can speak out loud of what I think and I do know it's insulting like fuck but I actually feel I deserve a few timeouts from being a lady. Anyway, I probably don't even make sense anymore. What I want to say, it's much harder for me to be mean than it might look like. And whenever I say something insulting, I feel really really bad.
So yeah, next time anyone asks me to insult them, they should prepare for an awkward silence. Ech, what am I talking about, I'm always quiet around people. They might think I'm shy when honestly, I answered to them in my head like a thousand times. I just don't proceed to say it out loud since it's too insulting or I can't phrase it right #bilingualproblems.
anyway, love you guys x
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