FUCK THIS

I need to freaking calm down

Hi guys.

Sorry I haven't posted anything yesterday, really didn't feel like it. To be honest I don't even want to write anymore. I don't know why. I stare at blank pages of word or blog and I just... can't. I don't know why. Maybe it's this month since so much is going on. Honestly, there is so much going on I can barely contain myself from screaming everything into my pillow.
Let's start with my family back in Lithuania. I'm not proud of what I am going to tell you, but don't judge me. We all have relatives we're not proud of, ok? So I have an uncle who is pretty much an alcoholic. Ok, not pretty much. He is. And it's bad. It got worse after my Mum passed away, because She was his favourite sister (as he said himself, only one true sister since other two were from the different father) and he listened to Her. I tried taking Her place in his life, I was really supportive and all but he didn't buy it. He has this 'girlfriend' who is in a worse condition than him. Well, either way, tonight they had a fight and he had to be taken to the hospital. I can just imagine how my aunt felt going there and realising he was way past being drunk and... well, we all walk past this kind of people with a disgust in our faces. I really really try being supportive, he's my family and my Mum loved him very much, but seeing a person sink so low it's just... I don't know. We did try to get him back on his feet, especially my Grandma, but he always ends up in the same situation. I can only imagine what my Grandma feels. She said she cried a lot today and it broke my heart not being there to hug her (even if she wouldn't like that). It's so complicated and actually this is really personal and I shouldn't be talking about this at all but I can't keep it just for myself anymore. I feel so useless right now and I hate feeling useless. And yeah, add up my pms with this situation, and you'll get me crying all over the place. I hate this so much.

But I promised you that I am going to be happy, so here I am. I was asked to be a model in a casual photo shoot so I actually went to do it. It was so much fun! The photographer was really sweet guy from France and he said I'm really comfortable around the camera. It was freezing outside but a few photos that I've seen so far were really good! I can't wait to get all of them. I promise they will end up on my Facebook wall. Maybe I'll even share it here, if I'll be up to it ^-^ so yeah, my morning was pretty nice. And I actually did quite good job with my eyeliner. I don't want to wash it off as it looks really nice. I could go to mosh, to be honest, I'm on the free guest list, but I really don't feel like dancing tonight. Not after talking with my family about the issue. Anyway, I had a few selfies, so I'm good ;3
And yeah, I was listening to the 'Hymn for the weekend' all day and I can't stop. I love that song so much. Even if it's quite sad (I hate sad songs).

ok. I got a photo of how my uncle looks like. I'm having a panic attack. And apparently it wasn't his 'girlfriend' it was someone from our village. I FUCKING HATE FEELING USELESS