A-fucking-DDICTIVE

Hellaw!

I came here today, again, with a specific topic on my mind. Strange, right? Right? I guess it's my pms and boredom that makes me think about a lot of stuff.
So, today's topic would be addiction. But not the drug or  alcohol addiction. No. I want to talk about being addicted to a person. It might sound strange or even stalker-ish, but that's not what I mean. Or maybe it is, you decide after reading.

You know how when you spend some time with your friends, it becomes a habit to just hang out together? I heard that forming habit takes around two or three weeks. For me, it takes two days the most. I am that kind of a person that attaches herself to anyone who is willing to have me by their side. And that's why it was really strange to spend my Saturday evening alone. And then I actually baked a pie (though they called it a cake) to ask guys to come and hang out at my place. I felt so... lame? I'm not sure about the word but I didn't feel good about inviting them. I mean, I'm always happy to see them, but yesterday was somehow different. And they left pretty soon, which was no better. I mean, even if we didn't talk much, I still love their company. They can be on their phones all day and I'd still be happy to be with them. What's wrong with mee?

Oh, wait, I know. I'm addicted. I'm addicted to the feeling of not being alone. Trust me, being alone in my head is a nightmare. I overthink too much and it complicates everything. And when I'm with anyone, literally, anyone else, I don't need to think and it makes everything perfect. But then again, even if it's good for me, who would actually want to hang out with me when I'm always the quiet one? Like, when I went to the town with my girls I barely said anything. I was actually pretty convinced that if I wouldn't follow them around, they would forget I'm there.

NO. Nope, no, wait, nope. I will not talk about this anymore, sorry. I just realised that I killed my morning mood and that was not my intention. I just wanted to say how easy it is for me to be addicted to someone. That's fucking it. I will not talk about the possibility of being replaced in any of the groups. No. I will not do this to myself again.

Happy fucking thought:
I made the best coffee ever today. And here, I have a chocolate bar. And I'm listening to the saddest song ever for the third time today and I haven't cried yet. I am so fucking proud of myself.
sorry for my language, I need to express myself.

love you guys x

and gif is from '

crybaby-cliffo', thank you for it. That's actually me for the three days in a row, tbh. I love dancing to the music, especially when I'm alone. I should have joined dancing society. I am so going to do it next year. Probably. Pole dancing. I want to pole dance. God damn I shouldn't be talking about it.