So, I have an issue this month (lol, yes, pms). I don't know, maybe it's because everything added up to me, but I feel so emotional. Literally, yesterday I was watching 'Modern family' and there was an episode about the father being angry about his daughters boyfriend and I started crying like a child because I will never see my Dad being angry about this. In fact, because I will never see any of Them acting like this. I know, strange, but I couldn't help myself. I mean, it was nice episode, I really really liked it but I was so emotional. It really got on my nerves because I was tearing up all the time yesterday. And today, in the morning. I can't remember what I dreamt about (I dream a lot, please) but I woke up crying. And then I went to the shower and I fucking cried again. I'm supposed to go to my friends place today, because, Pancakes Day (!) but I can't make myself. My excuse, obviously, is an assignment that I just turned in, but honestly, I just want to cuddle up in my bed with all the blankets and pillows that I have and just watch a movie or a tv-show. She suggested to invite my other friends, but honestly, I don't want to talk or see anyone. Ok, maybe not anyone. I really really really miss my family. Like, I don't know what's changed, I saw them last month, but whenever I think about them I want to cry myself to sleep. I called my auntie today and asked if she could bring Grandma to her place so I could talk with her. I don't usually do this. I don't know, something is really wrong. I just can't figure it out and it makes me nervous. I had this before, ok? I know how badly it can end. I don't want this at all. How do I cope with all of this?
Here. Again. I teared up for no reason. And I can't help myself. I want someone to come and hug me so tightly that every broken piece of me would stick together again but at the same time I feel that if someone would try to do it, I'd probably just lean back and be like 'chill, whatcha doin'?' I don't know how to deal with this. I want to let people into my life, but at the same time I can't really. Do I have trust issues? Ok, yeah I do. I know that. But still. I didn't feel like that in a long time. I don't like this not even a bit and when I think about it, that I'll have to spend a week in this mood I want to kill myself. Not that I would do that, please, but I really hate being sad. I want to smile and paint the world with pink colours so everything would be fine. nd for the past few days I was not able to do it. It really bothers me.
But anyway, sorry for this, I'll try to think of something happy ;3
Like, my cousin is planning on moving to Australia. I can't believe he'd actually do it but I'm so proud of Him! I know he loves challenges and this one will be just for him. I hope he'll visit me before leaving, though, since he lives not far from Leicester. Anyway, yeah, I'm really really proud of him and I wish him all the luck he can possibly get ;3
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