Memory lane.

You know what, I'm drunk.

And I need to talk about my ultimate crush.

I've been talking about him for the past two days. To my Godmother, to my Auntie, to my friend. And I told them how much I like him, how much he makes my day just by appearing on my dash.
My friend asked me why I like him. Like, honestly, not because he's good looking and attractive, but why, personally. And I've remembered those small things he did for me. Especially the one when it was him, me and our friend at my place and I was so pissed off because that friend commented about my weight. I had a panic attack after they left. And you know what? I remember it clearly. I came back to the room after cooling down in the bathroom and I felt it. I felt I'm gonna have a breakdown so I told them to leave. I opened the window so the cold breeze would come into the room, I took a few deep breaths and you know what my crush did? He came closer and gave me a hug. He hugged me for like half a minute, looked me into the eyes and asked if I'm going to be fine. I couldn't help but smile and nod, saying it's gonna be alright, that I just need some time alone. At that time my panic attack was about to start. He left the room, but that friend was still in it. And I remember telling him to leave and it took a few seconds for me to start catching my breath. Whenever I have a panic attack, it's hard to breathe and I can't really get airs to my lungs. And he got scared, he asked what's wrong, but I told him to fucking go and leave me alone and never, ever tell anyone about it. To be fair, if it was my crush, I would have probably avoided it. But honestly, it was a friend who pissed me off, that's why I couldn't keep myself together. I somehow had to show him how much is comment about my weight got to my brain. But anyway, he left quickly and I was sitting there, in my room, trying to breathe and talk myself out of it, scratching my neck as if that would help.
And then I looked to the window, where he hugged me and it got so much better. I could breathe again and I knew everything is going to be fine. I texted him that I'm sorry for that evening and we never talked about it again.

It's not that he's attractive, charismatic and irresistible. It's because he was always there when I needed someone to be with me. I remember having a panic attack while walking home and ending up in a big crowd. I called him and I asked him to talk to me. He talked a bit, then he gave phone to other friends, they turned the speaker on and it was so nice of all of them to cheer me up. Literally, I have the best friends in the world, I would do anything for them. But he.... well, he is just special. I can't exactly describe you why, but I feel great around him. And it would be nice if someday he'd feel the same way around me.

anyway. talk to you later, I need more wine.

and no gif because I'm lazy.