I want <...>

I don't know what's happening to me, really.
Maybe I'm just missing my friends too much. Maybe it's the autumn depression kicking in. I feel so lonely these days. I mean, I'm not even alone, I'm at my aunties and it's quite fun to talk with her about everything and anything and it's just... well, it's just better than being alone in my house.
But even now I don't feel great. I love my family, don't think anything wrong, but I'm not sure it's that kind of love that I need. I want someone to cuddle with me and I want someone to hold me and kiss me. I want relationship. But then again, I don't want to date. Like, at all. I don't want to meet new guys and go on a date, I don't want to go out at all. I just want to cuddle up next to someone and watch movies or shows. I want that. I don't want to go out, I want to stay at home and chill. I want to smoke weed and laugh with my friends, I want to live my life the fullest. Because if I can't have one person to love me unconditionally, I want to make myself as happy as I can get.
I want to change myself. I want to become different. I want to be able to make jokes with anyone, I want to be sociable, have tons of friends who would die to spend time with me. Because I know that now, I am that kind of person who people remember just occasionally. Or do I exaggerate everything? Does everything look so stupid just because I feel depressed lately? Or maybe it's just my hormones making fun of me. Either way, I want to change something in my life. That routine that I'm having is starting to annoy me so much. Maybe I need to change my hairstyle again. I don't know. I need to do something. Maybe I should get another tattoo. Or get a piercing.

anyway, I gotta go now ;) talk to you later, love you guys x