I hope you guys missed me. I haven't posted in a while and when I did yesterday it was a bit weird (wasn't it?) and today as well... To be fair, I honestly don't know what's happening to me.
I started drinking more. I know it's not good and I still have my rule not to drink with anyone I don't trust, but the problem is, I really want to trust my friends. My course mates and my colleagues, I really want to trust them, that's why I drink around them. And if I'm being completely honest, I enjoy drinking (which makes me sound like an alcoholic). I don't know how to explain it. You guys know I didn't like drinking too much and now I wouldn't miss a chance to drink. What's different? Am I being affected by the people I hang out with? I mean, I have friends who doesn't drink, so that shouldn't be the real problem, right? I don't even have many real problems to deal with so I'd be drowning something.
Anyway, let's not talk about my drinking problem because it's still not that much of a problem (I hope). Can we talk about something else? I still don't have a topic but I'll figure it out as I'm writing this. I guess.
Ok, yeah, I know. I was told I was grumpy last friday. Of course I was. My insides were ripping themselves apart and I wanted to set them on fire. Of course I would be grumpy if someone would tell me to 'smile' while I'm in so much pain.
No, wait, I don't really want to talk about it. Can we talk about something else? Uh... I don't really want to talk about my crushes, because I think about them way too much anyway. I don't want to talk about my depression because it's too depressing.
Can we talk about kids?
Yes. Let's talk about kids. For the past week I thought about me, telling everyone that I'm never having kids. But to be honest, the more I look around, the more I think kids are not that terrible. Obviously, I don't want kids right now, but maybe some day in like ten years. And now I'm at my aunties who has a son and I had to spent a few days with him and you know what, that made me realise that kids are a nightmare. He was screaming, he didn't listen to what was told to him and was just being a little brat (although I love him very much). There were times when I thought I couldn't be bothered with him, especially when he was shouting and screaming. I wanted to leave him in one room and just go to the other room and just, you know, leave him. Can you imagine what kind of mother I would be? Gosh, I'd be the worst.
ok, no, I really can't concentrate at the moment. I'm too distracted by everything. But to be fair, I miss writing here. I should do it more often.
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