So, you know what? I noticed something about myself. Well, I did noticed it before, but I never thought about more. It's about those sex jokes that I'm making more and more often. Like, I know for guys it's really usual stuff, but is it good for a girl ( a lady like me [lol]) to answer with something as vulgar? For example, when someone says "choke on my dick" and I answer "lol, I would, but it's too small". Am I supposed to talk like that? Doesn't it sound too slutty? I don't mind being called bitch, slut or whore. I don't really care what others talk as long as I know it's not true. It's the thought that maybe I could give the wrong image? Ok, I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. Maybe I'm trying to ask if guys like when the girl is talking like that? Cuz when I'm around my friends that are guys, I feel like a dude and so not a girl. Even if all sex jokes goes to me. I don't mind, really. Maybe for a few guys my answers are even honest. Ugh, I mean, um... Like, I would totally bang some of my guy friends if I'd be sure it wouldn't hurt our friendship. Though I'd like to give my virginity to someone I do really really trust and cherish. But is it really that big of a deal who will take my flower? Lol, sounds ridiculous. Ugh, why is it so hard to think about it? I mean, I do think about sex. A lot. Like, a lot a lot. I banged most of my friends in my head for a few times already. Even if it sounds nasty. Well, not every friend. I have ones that are in the friend zone where it's not even comfortable to joke about sex with them. I don't know why, it's just is.
Anyway, there is another problem. For the two days now I lay in my bed wishing I'd had someone with me in it. I hug my pillow, close my eyes and try to imagine that I'm hugging someone. I don't know why and it makes me sad. I want cuddles, I want night kisses, I want someone to be with me. Maybe being single is not such a good idea after all. Even though most of my friends doesn't have SO and it shouldn't bother me, I still want a relationship. I want someone I could be crazy with, I want someone I could kiss whenever I wanted, I want someone who would sleep near me. I want someone to hug me. I even want someone to have sex with. The real question is, how and where should I find this person? Or did I have a chance and my personality made them go away? I'm sorry for being who I am. Can anyone love me for what I am?
God damn it, this post became so depressed I'm hugging my pillow again. See? I'm lonely. I want someone to love me. I need someone to be by my side. Please?
love you guys x
dont you think you should keep some things to yourself? what if some of your friends find your blog and read it? wouldnt you be embarassed? i like reading your entries, i'm just saying you should be more careful about what you post because you're writing about really personal stuff and well public blog kinda isnt the best platform to put those things out there.
ReplyDeleteHi!
DeleteFirst of all, thank you for liking my blog, it means really a lot ;3
Secondly, I kind of knew someone will ask me this. Let me be clear, ok?:) I made this blog my journal, because I don't mind sharing my life with everyone. All of my friends know I write blog, everyone had a link to it and I'm pretty sure they have already read it. If I would be embarassed about something, I wouldn't write it here. But I'm really open person, so no, I wouldn't be embarassed. And to add something, I've never mentioned anyones name, so it's not for everyone to know whom am I talking about specificly.
Thirdly, I think I'll repeat myself for now, it is my journal. I will post even more personal stuff, I can assure you :) It's not like I'm saying where do I live or what's my bank account number. It's my life and if anyone is interested in it, I have no intention to hide it.
Wow, I think that sounds harsh, I'm so sorry. Had a bad day ;/ Anyway, if you don't like to read that kind of stuff on my blog, let me know and I will put a warning on other entries, ok? :) thank you again for reading my blog x
it's ok! i see your point and i dont want to argue but idk some people may use the things you post to hurt you, thats it. anyway, good luck x
Deletethank you so much for caring for me! good luck to you as well x
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