How are you? Is everything alright? Do you need a hug? Wanna share what's bothering you? Yes? Come here, my sweet child, I want to help you.
I have no idea why I started this entrance like that. I mean, yeah, I do want to help you, if you need me to, but I don't know why I had to say it. Wait, what? I have no idea what's happening today. I feel really confused and I have no idea why.
Maybe because I have no music on? Or maybe that I slept for 11 hours. Maybe it's because I had two glasses of cheap wine yesterday. You know what? I know how that sounds. But I was walking back from work and I thought to myself that I'd like to have a glass of wine. Is it that bad? I'm 18, I can legally drink alcohol if I want to. Or maybe it was because one of my friends kept changing plans. I was pretty excited to go clubbing with her and her mates, but just as I texted her back that I'm in, she already had other plans. Ok, I do understand, I bailed on her the other night when I said I'll go clubbing and went to chill with my other buddies. But I had a proper excuse for that. She didn't even bother. Anyway, it's not about that. No. I kind of needed it, ok? I needed that glass of wine so I wouldn't think about something I don't want to think. Everyone around me keeps asking what the A and B in my tattoo means. And when I say it's my Parents initials, they always comment something "do they know about it?" or "Oh, show it to them on Christmas, they will be surprised!". Can you imagine how awkward I feel at these moments? Sometimes I answer with the sentence that would go like "I hope they will" or "I kind of think they do know" because, reasons. Sometimes I do answer with "Oh, I did the tattoo with wings because of one reason, they can't see it anymore" or something like that. I know it's supposed to be a small talk and it shouldn't upset me, but it does. It does upset me a lot. I want to show it to them, I want to see their faces when they realise how much I love them, but I can't, ok? I can't see them, I can't feel them, I can't hear them. I can't, ok? So please don't ever talk about my Parents with me. They were really good people and it hurts me every time someone mentions something, that makes me remember that they are gone. Please don't do this to me.
Anyway, I don't want to make myself sad, so let's get to the good part. I have test tomorrow, guess if I revised anything? Nope! And then I have a deadline for Tuesday. Guess if I started anything? Nope. I'm failing this soooo hard. I have no idea what to do for the assignment and I have no time to revise for my test because I have to go to work. You feel me? Oh, I wish I'd win a lottery (that I don't buy) or get some rich relatives that would donate few thousands for me. Gawd, I hate my life. I do love it, but I hate it. Why is it everything so complicated right now, hm?
Ok, that wasn't happy at all. The happy thing is, I'm doing my laundry at the moment! Good for me, I'm so proud of myself. Two sets of sheets, enormous pairs of socks, underwear (fuck, I forgot to put my bra in) and my bag, that was bloody from the Halloween party. I hope it will wash off. And I hope nothing in there will dye my other stuff, because I have one set of sheets that I want to send back to Lithuania since I won't need it. I mean, it is really nice and cozy, but it's for double bed. Mine is desperately single right now. It will be my so-so present for Christmas for someone. I'll put a note "anyone can take it if they want". Then I'll send one of the blankets that I got really cheap. I know how my sister loves her first blanket, so she should adore this one! Then I will go to the town tomorrow to sort out my cousin gift, and then buy a lot of candy boxes and find someone who will take everything to Lithuania! Ugh, I love myself for sorting everything out. I'll spend a fortune, but hey, it's worth it, knowing that my family will get at least something from me. I know they want to send something to me for Christmas, but honestly, the only thing I want from them is for them to be as happy as possible. I can have anything I want by myself, but since I'm too far away to make them smile everyday, I want them to gift me that. Even if it sounds cheesy, I'd love to know that my family is as happy as they can be ;3
ok, I'm talking about my fam too much today, I should probably spend some quality time watching new girl or something. love you guys x
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