So, today, after a good month at university I finally get to go back at my aunt's place and... yeah, I'll probably won't get any rest, but the monotony will go away! Thank God for the enhancement or whatever it is called week, where nothing is compulsory and I can spend it away. I was always so jealous when my friends went home for a weekend and I was here all alone. Well, no, not alone, because they didn't all went at one time. Anyway, that is the only thing that saddens me. I won't be able to see my friends for... 5 days. FIVE DAYS! Omg, I'm dying. They'll probably forget about me and I will be a loner again. Wow, Judita, good thinking. We'll probably go out the day I get back, even if I will have to work that day. Oh, I miss them already. But I miss my family too. And on the good side, my package from Lithuania is coming at my aunts, so I'll get all the goodies my family could give. Oh My, if my Auntie and Grandma went to few of other relatives, I'll probably end up with bacon that will last for a year. Oh, I love my family so deeply much. And to be honest, I can now say I have two families that I love equally. It's my blood family and my #squad. I would literally die for any of them. Just say the word. So, yeah, it breaks my heart that I have to leave them and it makes me so happy that I'm going to my other fam.
But enough about my heart, which, apparently, can't decide where it wants to be. Leeeet's talk about yesterday. We went clubbing and I tested my new shoes that costed me a fortune. It was actually pretty wild, at the club. I could dance any shit I had out until my vodka&energy drink kicked in. I mean, I am quite an attention whore and since it was so crowdy, I felt bad. I hate crowds. So, yeah, I had to get out of there. I needed to be alone and it was really good to go outside and be all by myself. And you know what? I managed to control my emotional breakdown! I'm so proud of myself. Yeah, I had to stop at one point while going home, because I couldn't breath anymore, but it took about a minute to say to myself, that I shouldn't do that in public place and that someone could see me. That always works. I just can't cry in front of anyone. That's so not me. And if I cry, then please, note, that I'm absolutely screwed and I'll probably end up with drug overdose or smth. Anyway, when I got home, I found a pizza on the counter in the kitchen with the note from my flatmate, that we can help ourselves. She literally saved me a trouble of crying half of the night. Two slices of pizza, 9gag and there I was, smiling and ready to go to bed. That's when I got another problem. At work I drank like 3 cans of cola, I drank vodka &energy drink at the club and all the caffeine didn't really let me sleep. I'm not sure if I slept at all, to be honest. I'm yawning at the moment and I feel tired as shit. I hope it won't get busy at work or I'll just end up saying "fuck this shit I quit". Anyway, yeah, um.... this sleepless night gave me a time to think about important things. I actually thought about my first crush. I mean, I was in love with him for almost six years and I didn't even once kissed him. That was terrible, right? It's not that I like him anymore. Naah, he became total asshole and now All I can think is how the fuck I could even say hi to him at some point. Well, nevermind. I wasn't thinking about him specifically. No, I went through the phases I experienced while having crush on my best friend. Can it be that I have a thing for that kind of guys? No, wait, what? I'm getting confused on where I am going with this. Lol. I think the point of this is that I'm terrified by relationships when I never had the proper ones. Even the dating - I never did that. I heard it's quite fun, but when I had the chance, I totally bailed. I'm a coward, yes. But I can't really help myself, so, yeah. Sorry. I might seem like a bitch while making excuses, but I can't really control that part of myself. I'm not ready, please respect it.
Ok, It became really serious and I just thought about bragging on my journey. I hope I'll get the right train and get the right stop. You know me, I'll probably end up in Doncaster or somewhere opposite of where I should be. Wish me luck, guys!
Oh, and I took a luggage, even if it's half empty. I just couldn't fit everything to my cute little bag. Anyways. Have a great day, cuz I'm hoping on having one x
note to myself: take your coursework with you.
love you x
No comments:
Post a Comment