I know I've been slacking off with my blog and I am really really sorry about it. It's just I was really really dull and I didn't want to talk with anyone. I don't know, maybe it's that time of the year again (ok ok, month, you don't need to track my period, I can do it myself just fine). Anyway, sorry for not posting so much, I'll try to do it more often.
About yesterdays update, I actually am thinking of taking that off. I don't know why, but I don't really feel like sharing that. I was really really not in the mood yesterday, I was thinking way more than I should've had and I wrote that on the impulse because I couldn't sleep. I thought it will help me to get over my thinking but apparently, it just made me think harder. God I hate boys, why can't I live my life without them? Well, obviously, I do live without boyfriend but that's not what I meant. *Relationship, relationship* That's like the only thing that's in my head in the past few weeks. I can't literally think of anything else and it annoys me so fucking much. But hey, I could do it for 18 years, I can do it for another 10. I hope. Well, either way, don't get me the wrong way. I am just way too terrified by all of the stuff that comes along with all of this. Aaaagh, why am I so strange.
Anyway, I worked out yesterday! Well, it wasn't like a workout workout, but I danced a little bit, then I did some easy movements and danced again. I mean, most of the people wouldn't even call that a workout, but to me, it is a good workout. I mean, without that I would have spent all of my day in bed, eating snacks and gaining weight. I am obsessed with weight for the past few days, to be honest. Actually, I look at the mirror here and I feel kind of fine, but when I was back in Lithuania, I couldn't look at the mirror. Like, I don't know, I didn't like what I saw. It's ok here, but not there. Is there a different mirrors in different countries or smth? Well, anyway, my ugly body from lithuania is stuck in my mind and I want to get it out from there. What's better way to do it than to do some workout? I actually spent some time researching 'lazy workouts' that I could do while being in my bed. Thank God for the internet, right? Well, I'll see if they help at all, though don't expect me to put my photos here, because I won't. Wow, maybe I'm too ashamed of my body to hav a boyfriend. Aaaaaaah, why I want to be so perfect, no one is perfect anyways. Fts. Maybe I got even more self-conscious because someone told me to eat less candies. Waah, thanks, that's how I cope with my fucking depression. Well, maybe it's not depression by this time, I think I beat that already, but it's still my mood swings that doesn't let me live a normal life. God, I sound like a person that needs pity. Don't you dare pity me, I will kill you if you do that. No, I'm joking, I'd just punch you. I wouldn't want to go to a prison for a murder, I'm too beautiful.
Ok, To be honest, I have no idea what is happening with me. I'm so confused by everything. I should take a break from everything and just... I don't know. What can I do to run away from everything?
By the way, I started watching Sex and the City so that's one more excuse not to write as much as I used to. It's quite a good show, I must admit.
Anyway, see ya later x
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