My brain probably laughed and decided to show me how mentally unstable I am.
When was the last time you had a nightmare? Not the strange dream where you are chased by the monsters, but the proper one, when you woke up and were afraid to get back to sleep?
I had it last time. I woke up and I couldn't breathe. I wanted to scream, shout, cry, it was so terrifying. I'm not sure I want to tell you what I've been dreaming about, but when I told one of my friends I had a nightmare, she laughed and then I told her what it was and she seemed a bit concerned.
So here it goes. In my dream, it was kind of a time after my Mums funeral. I've started getting text messages from Her, saying She doesn't know where She is. Then I found a video on my phone. It was a ward, few people were dressing Her up and preparing Her for the funeral. But She was alive. I could see in the video how Her hands and lips moved. Besides her, in the next bed was my Dad who was in a coma. And after I saw that video, I've started running around telling everyone that She is alive, that we buried Her alive and then I received another text from Her saying that it's hard for Her to breathe.
And then I woke up with the same feeling. I felt like I was being suffocated. I felt tears running down my cheeks and all I wanted to do is to call my aunties and ask what have we done. For a minute I genuinely thought that my dream could have been real. It makes me shiver just to think about it.
See, that's what I call a nightmare. And honestly, yesterday I've been so busy just so I wouldn't go back to bed. I cleaned entire bathroom, I washed all the dishes, I even went shopping and made myself salad. Me, making salad. Imagine that. And I felt so tired after that. I went back to my room, I put music on, I've started browsing facebook, but it didn't help much. I had to nap before work. I left all of my lights on, I left everything on sound and I cuddled up with my soft pillows. I wouldn't call it nap or sleep, I was basically just laying there with my eyes closed for an hour or so and then I got a text from a friend which made me literally jump out of bed how scared I got. But yeah, after I got back from work, I was so cold (I worked on the door yesterday) all I wanted was to cuddle up in my bed with all my pillows and blankets (obvs, preferably it would have been someone alive by my side. A girl can dream, ok). I was on my phone for a good hour before realising what time it was. I closed my eyes around half five and I've been mostly napping until two pm. I didn't have any dreams, thank God. At least not the ones I could remember. But the fear still lingers.
Anyway, other news, for the past, probably, two weeks I've been talking with only one member of my family and that's my auntie. Other one, where I was supposed to spend Christmas Eve with, haven't called me back YET. Another one, who used to call me almost every day, promised to call today, but I'm still waiting on that. I honestly feel so left out right now. I would say I expect that from my friends, but this is family. How can they forget me? (selfish note, yes). Guys are busy with their studies, girls are busy with their other friends, I'm busy with... idk, me, I suppose. I haven't done any course work for the past three days and I know I really should, but I just can't get around to do it.
Instead, I was updating my CV. I mean, not to be rude or anything, but the club is cutting back to Fridays and Saturdays only, which means ((MORE TIME FOR MYSELF)) I'll get paid less. I mean, what I got paid for my four nights there were fantastic money for me. I could afford anything I wanted. And if you cut that in half, you get barely enough for my rent. So, yeah. Not fun. I should probably get another job during Christmas break. There, maybe that's the reason I'm updating my CV. Or maybe I just want to remind myself how awesome I am.Because honestly, I never thought managing was for me. And now look at me, I'm responsible for keeping bar organised. I actually really like it. And I hope I'm trustworthy enough for other people to let me handle whatever I can. if I'm even making sense.
Anyway, gotta go today is my eat-all-I-can-find day, so gonna go and eat.
Love you my pumpkins :33
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