I absolutely abandoned my blog, didn't I? I feel so ashamed. But honestly, I don't want to do anything on my laptop anymore, when I get back from work. And this week was stressful as well. You know, one assignment was due to Tuesday, now another one is due in three days, I haven't even started it, there was my doctors appointment and I feel like I don't really do my job properly.
But yeah, let's start with my doctors appointment, since I've seen a comment and didn't find time to reply personally. So, yeah, first of all, while I got to the hospital, I got lost. I basically ran down the corridors to not be late and managed to get there 2 minutes early. The funny part is that when I sat down, the nurse apologised for running 40 minutes late with schedule. So I had 40 minutes to get my breathe back. I mean, you can imagine how I felt sitting there. But yeah, the doctors tested me, it actually pretty much hurt when they did, but then apparently, it's nothing! Well, not nothing, she used some kind of word I can't remember, but the point is, that is not cancer and I have nothing to worry about.
I wish I could say I was relieved. I still have something in my chest that keeps me up at night because of it. But you know, when I got home trying to cheer myself up, my auntie was like 'oh, well, then you should come back to Lithuania and test yourself again properly, I know the doctors in Uk, they've probably missed something'. I mean, you do understand I got mad that she said it, right? I wasn't sure about it myself, though I told her I'm absolutely fine and she started telling me, that maybe there is something. Well, you know what? If it is, she will not know. She's always so negative, I hate that side of hers.
Anyway, yeah, that got off my mind, so now it's just my assignments (I should totally start one now) and my work. I feel so bad there. I mean not bad bad, but I realised I can't talk with people. I know I have the confidence that I need, but whenever I need to explain something, I struggle and it fucking annoys me. And I know that everyone can see that and that's why I fucking work for free for 3 (?) days now? Not even for free, I freaking pay for my own ticket all the damn time which is a fiver each day. Plus, my coffee that keeps me awake, plus the sandwich or something and look at me, I'm already broke. And I thought I'm gonna make at least for my rent and food. Ha.
But let me tell you a one good thing. The guy I went on a date with is really freaking cute. I feel like he really cares for me and stuff ^-^ Though it's probably too obvious that I am way too scared to actually start anything. I think I'm gonna stay a virgin all my life. Can I do that? I don't think I'd ever be confident enough to take my clothes off in front of anyone. Though I did start to sleep more or less naked (thank God there are no fire alarms, or it would be fun). But yeah, it's for my own eyes, I'm used to every flaw I have and I'm too afraid anyone could tell me them out loud. I'd probably punch that person. But yeah, anyway, he's cutie. Even though he starts to annoy me with the same questions everyday, that sound like I'm not really the person I am. So many comparisons to me, being typical lithuanian. Or a coffee addict. Or a lover of vodka. Yeah, I hate that. I mean, I might say it myself, but when someone else points it out, I wanna break something. I'm not a freaking typical lithuanian, ok? I hate drinking, I get in fights just to protect myself and I drink coffee because I don't get enough sleep.
Talking about not enough sleep. You know, when my friends are over at mines (that didn't happen in a long time now) and if they stay longer, we never, EVER, make noises in the hall. My lovely flatmate who I though was pretty cool had a party with like four people and where they'd make a lot of noise? Exactly - while fucking going to the kitchen or in the corridor. For the fucks sake, it was four in the morning when I actually got out and said that I freaking have to wake up in a fucking hour. I guess they've laughed, but I didn't hear anything after, so it should have worked, yeah?
Anyway, gotta go put a makeup on and pretend to be a living being :|
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