So I have a day off today. Well, kind of a day off. I mean, my day off should have been spent at the library, writing my essay that's due to Tuesday. Fun times, fun times, I know. Instead I woke up, called my family, had 'breakfast' and spend all day cleaning my room. And now I'm waiting for my laundry to dry so I could go and take them out and theeeen go to the library. I tried looking at my essays and I kind of know which topic I will choose but that doesn't mean I'm going to stay with it. I don't know, I really can't concentrate while being at home. I have my music playing as loud as possible, I look at the roses I got yesterday and it makes me smile like an idiot. How can I concentrate?
You know, I've always thought I'm gonna end up alone. Even my Grandma said it, even though she probably was joking. But then again, I realised I'm kind of scared to be in a relationship. You ask why? easy. I hate hurting people, ok? I hate the fact that something I'd do would hurt someone. Or even worse, if anyone would hurt me. I can't afford being broken again. I'm scared to let new people around me because I'm scared to lose them. You know me, I bond with people quite easily.
ok, so, I didn't finish this post and I started it yesterday. My friend called and I totally forgot. See, I don't have my blog-updating habit anymore :( but anyway, after that I've ran to the library where I got to ~350 words and realised I can't concentrate properly. So I got home and obviously I did the most stupid thing I could think of - I invited my guys to come over. The lithuanian ones. And they did. And now I have three empty (one was half empty when they came here) bottles of wine and empty bottle of vodka from lithuania. But that's not the issue, I mean, not that we got really really drunk or anything, but. There is always but with me, isn't it? Yeah, so that 'but' is that we stayed up until around 3 am. And I have to go to work in an hour now (it's around 7 now). When I set my alarm on, it said I had 3 hours and 10 minutes to sleep. You feel me yet? No? Well, I got up with a little bit of a headache and feeling that I'm not supposed to go anywhere. But hey, look at me, going to the shower, putting effort, having my make-up on (though I didn't put any foundation on bcs when I tried to do it yesterday, my still-peeling face from a sunburn was more visible than ever). I'm still drinking my freaking strong coffee (which is pretty nice, let me tell you this) and that's how I have time to actually sit down and write my blog. God I miss this feeling. Being able to tell you guys anything. Though I am starting to understand why not many people writes personal blogs. It might be a little bit embarrassing, when I have a lot of posts about my crushes and kissing and stuff like that, because c'mon, I am supposed to be a responsible for my image now, but I can't really help it, can I?
I just heard patd - I write sins not tragedies, and I heard 'a whore' out of the context and it kind of reminded me of my night. I know you know why, I probably don't even need to tell you, do I? It always happens when I'm with my guys, even though I don't count it as anything serious. Though it was pretty unfair to be the only lady (oh, no, sorry, girl, I'm no lady) while playing spin the bottle. I'm not saying it wasn't fun, because the odds of bottle turning to me were pretty small and I got to see a lot of stuff I did not need to see (but obviously enjoyed watching). And then we got bored and started truth-or-dare and I got to put a make up on one of the guys. OH MY GOD THE BEST FEELING EVER! I should become a make-up artist and just give my boys a makeover from time to time. It would be so fun. I'm defo doing it again and just fort this I'm gonna start having my make-up with me all the time.
Anyway, let's not talk about this anymore, just by thinking about this makes my head hurt. Not that we drank a lot, I repeat, but we mixed wine with vodka and mixing drinks is always not a good choice. But anyway, guess who has to write my essay TODAY and go to the guys this time, because I stupidly promised that? Fun times, fun times. I should probably get my blanket to theirs, because I'm gonna end up sleeping before twelve. Unless I'll have a lot of energy drinks and coffee. Which is not a bad idea knowing that I'm still short on 1650 words. God that sounds like freaking fun thing to do after work.
Ok. Let's go and save the world today. God I hope we're working at the slow store and not outside, because I'd die. Literally. And I hope I will do something today, or it will be a day spent for free when I could have done my essay.
God I love my busy life! It's great and I can't wait to actually tell you more about this, whenever I'll find a free second.
love and butterfly kisses x
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