You know, I just had a thought that I'm a pretty self-centred person. And when you think about it, I really am. I care mostly just about myself, I rarely ask people what's up with them and I did noticed that it's usually just me who tells everyone about myself without them asking. I baked something? I'm texting that to my best friends, my friends, I post it on instagram or facebook or snapchat. I want everyone to know what I'm doing, all the time. And when I'm doing nothing, I'm thinking of what should I do to show it to someone.
I've been bugging my best friend for the past few days because I was so bored. I literally had nothing to do and spent my day just laying on the sofa, listening to music and browsing my phone (checking 9gag, facebook, snapchat, instagram and yik yak). Maybe that's why I was so excited to go out today. Oh, which, by the way, didn't happen. I spent so much time in the bathroom, washed my hair and shaved my legs (oh my god, it was so troublesome, since I tried to get all of it in one try) and then I got a text that she doesn't feel well. I mean, I don't blame her, I had that before as well. I've tried texting other friends but none of them seemed to want to go clubbing. So I'm in my room, in my pyjamas, with really smooth legs and nice hair, watching K-dramas. Even my best friend doesn't text me, because she's busy playing some kind of games.
See? That's what I'm talking about. I am self-centred. I want everything to be the way I want and when it doesn't go my way, I feel annoyed. Of course I am annoyed, I was really looking forward to go out. I'm used to get attention, you know? I'm used to see people smiling when they look at me, I'm used to being noticed. And being at home five days a week doesn't do well to my ego. I've worked so hard to get where I am now. You should have seen me a year ago. My confidence was shit and I could barely speak with anyone. Not that I can now, but it's way easier. This past year was a challenge for my comfort zone and it expanded quite a lot after the last time I've thought about it. I got used to be around people and I enjoy it, you know? I've started enjoying it and it drives me crazy that I'm not around people anymore. I definitely need another job to keep me sane, don't I? One of lithuanians that I know said his place is looking for people, but honestly, it sounds like a posh and fancy place and knowing me, I'm too clumsy to be working at the hotel/on events. I should update my cv, print it out and go around my place to see if anyone is hiring. I need something near me so I wouldn't need to be walking 20 minutes everyday. That's approximately how much walking I have to get to the club I'm working, so that's quite a distance. I couldn't do it every day. I could, but I'd hate it. And I mean, I do have quite a cv now, I've worked in quite a few places, which is pretty exciting.
Anyway, I don't want to talk about work. Let's get back to me. I want to talk about myself today/tonight. Like, I always talk about myself on my blog, but that's literally what I want to do right now. Just talk about myself, brag and stuff. I don't really have anything to brag about, but let's say that I have. There, I made myself a tasty meal again. I finished one of the K-dramas and I've started another one. I was adult enough not to be very upset when my plans got cancelled. I didn't even tell my best friend that I need her to talk with me because I'm going mad, because I knew she's busy playing games.
There are so many pictures on my walls. Obviously, there are pictures of my family and my friends, but yes, I do have selfies on my walls as well. I do love myself, you know? Since I'm never sure that someone else loves me as well (even my family), I have to be that person for myself. I have to be there for myself when I'm going mad, when I'm happy, when I'm sad or when I'm bored. I was thinking today that my Mum was always with me for those moments. And for three years I've been doing this by myself. I have no idea how I got this far, if I'm being honest. I used to call Her every few hours just to check what She's doing, to tell her that I'm bored or anything. Like, I would just love to tell Her everything. I'm pretty sure there wasn't a thing She didn't know about me. I like a boy? Woah, She's the first one I'm telling. Not even my best friend, Mum was always the first one I'd tell. I had a bad day at school? I'm calling Her and telling Her everything that happened. And when I think about it, I didn't do this for three years now. I haven't called anyone when I had a bad day or when I got excited about something. Yes, I would tell something like that to my aunties, but that would be day or two or three after it happened. It wouldn't be a exciting as it was on that moment. I know, it's pretty sad. But I guess that's why I've turned out this way. Now instead of One Person, I want to tell it to everyone. I guess you can say that when I had Her, She was the world to whom I could tell what's been happening with me. Now, when She's not around anymore, I have to tell everything to the real world. That sounds better in lithuanian, you know. But She was my world. And I don't really like the one I am in now, but hey, we have to deal with what we have, right?
Anyway, not having many friends sucks. I hope you have way better summer than me, because mine is kind of monotonic. And God, I do hate monotonic stuff.
But hey, I love you guys, thanks for being here x
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