I was thinking about my crushes. Like, all of them, small ones, big ones, medium ones. I admit that I kind of fall for someone quite easily. Give me attention and I'm basically yours. And that got me thinking about the future. Like, if I ever have my significant other and someone else will start showing me sings of attraction, how will I react? Because in my current situation, I have this ultimate crush and then this new crush that kind of was here for a week or so. And I was thinking about both of them and I kind of realised that this new crush kind of shadowed my ultimate crush, but then again, I haven't seen this new crush of mine in a week now and it kind of faded away a bit. What I've realised from this? My ultimate crush is not so ultimate anymore. Like, I still think about him everyday, but that's more like a habit now. And since he's my friend, he usually comes up when I reminisce about good old times with my guys.
So getting back to the point - I didn't expect it to be so easy to get over of such an ultimate crush and what if this happens when I'll be in a relationship? Maybe I'm not the type to be in relationship? But then again, I kind of want my first time to be with someone I really really care about. Does it mean I'm going to stay virgin for the rest of my life? This is so complicated. Why couldn't I be a normal teenager and just date anyone at the young age as my ex-best friend did? God, I would be normal then. Not that I hate who I am now. I'm quite proud of myself to be honest. But still, all of this makes me think about all the stuff I haven't done and sometimes I hate it.
I had all paragraph written about the relationship bases but I've realised it was too personal to share. Even I have some kind of boundaries, you know.
I don't even know what I want to say. The point was, I was confused whether I'd be able to stay in relationship if fall for anyone so easily.
Anyway, sorry for bothering you with this, but it's easier for myself when I write it down ^-^
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