Adulthood much?

I swear to God my Nan is just the best :D I really wanted some Lithuanian food to make and I called her to ask for a recipe and we continued to talk for almost two hours. I managed to get dressed, go to the shops, get back and crawl back to bed all while being on the phone with my Grandma <3 we could probably talk all day without noticing how time passes, bless her ^-^

But yeah, Lithuanian food. I really wanted to make like a potato cake and then beetroot soup, but when I got back I've realised I've left my grater at my old house, so no potato cake for me. But I still made soup! Wasnt as good as my Nan can make, but hey, at least I tried and I actually ate it. Gonna get my grater back soon and make the potato cake as well, because I just want to eat something that reminds me of home. I even bought Lithuanian beer from the European shop, because I just feel like it. Like, when I've started working at the werehouse I saw a lot of European people just being in a small groups of their own (as in Bulgarians with Bulgarians, Polish with Polish and so on) and I think I've started to appreciate my nationality more. That and I actually miss my home. I miss my village, I miss my family and I miss the views of Lithuania. It is such a beautiful country afterall. I miss driving through our roads, being able to understand everything and just be confident while walking down the street. I miss the feeling I get when I look around and I see people who has similar view to mine, who were brought up the same way as I was raised. England is just a little bit too complicated for me. All the rights, equality and that other bullshit where you try not to offend anyone is way too complicated for my simple brain. As a person who doesn't like to insult people because of who they are, I find it quite difficult to keep myself under the word 'nice person'. It's 'dont call him him, call one person they' and so on. There are people who identify themselves not even as human beings and that's just plain weird in my eyes. I'm sorry, yes, you be what you want to be, but if I try to talk to you as a normal person, don't get offended, please.
England is complicated. I love the freedom here, but I'd rather be somewhere, where people are more simple. I honestly miss Lithuania so much. I know I can't live there because the minimum wage there is stupid and prices of everything is huge, but if I could, God, I would go back and wouldnt even doubt my decision. My aunt keeps saying that I did a mistake by coming here and I agree now. I know I did wrong and I know I'll have to finish what I've started here, I can't just quit and pretend I haven't done my mistake. Yes, my diploma will me awesome, I love my degree, but it doesn't mean I wont regret being 27k in debt for it. I regret it now. Who thought that 18 year old kids are adults enough to make such decision as in taking a loan for studies? I know I'm not much older, I'm only 20, but honestly, if I could, I would slap myself in the face and order myself to stay in Lithuania. Or just go somewhere where you wouldnt need to get a loan to get a degree.

I'm getting quite serious here, aren't I? I kept thinking about money for the last couple of days and its just adding up. Gosh I hope I'll turn out fine. I cant even start to think what am I gonna do after I finish uni ;/

anyway, talk to you soon, gonna go and clean my room a bit xx

gif from 'heartmoth ' ;)