To be fair, it was pretty bad. But it got better now. A little bit, but better :) I hope it's not because I've been drinking for the past three nights in a row. Not a good thing, by the way, because instead of having hangover I just get like super sleepy. So I sleep all day. Maybe it's fine since I have work in the evening, but still.
We went clubbing yesterday, because it was one of my friends birthday. Was quite a nice evening, you know. I miss going out, I wish it didnt cost so much. But anyway, we were at the pub for pre drinks and we obviously were playing drinking games to pass the time. I know they didn't know about my insecurities, but while playing one of them hit my biggest insecurity ever. We were playing Paranoia - for those who don't know the game, it's when people are sitting around the table, one whispers a question to another one like 'who do you think in this group is the best looking?' and the person who got the question has to answer with the name. Then he tosses a coin and if it's head, he has to say the question out loud - if it's tails, he just proceeds with the question to another person. So anyway, They said I was the most boring in the group. And dont get me wrong, I know it, my social skills are super poor, but it's one of those things that I can't even fake because I have no idea how. I wish I was someone who can talk about stuff for hours and just keep the conversation going, but I'm not, ok? But I'm always there if someone needs a shoulder to cry on, if anyone needs to just chill or chat about stuff they want to talk about. I'm always there. It's just with me, I have no idea what to say back. I became really quiet because some time back I was told I sound stupid when I open my mouth :) so I've started to be afraid to make a fool out of myself and so I don't really talk much anymore. Plus, whenever I'm excited to say something in English, I get a lisp and it just ruins everything and it doesnt sound as good as it sounded in my head. I'm sorry I'm not perfect, ok?
I wish there was something I could do about it, ok? But there isn't. Or at least I dont know about it. You know the saying 'beautiful outside, but rotten inside'? I feel like that's how people would describe me, but honestly, I'm not rotten. I just... I don't know how to express myself, ok?
Anyway, you know me. I'm just gonna say I'm really boring for a week or so and then I'll forget about it. And I still love my people, ok? Like, even if I'm considered boring, I'm still getting an offer to hang out with them. And I appreciate it very very much.
And now I gotta go and get ready for work, love you lots xx
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