Stop the world, I wanna get out

Guilty, I admit. *bows really really low*
I know I haven't posted anything in a long time now, but honestly, I have nothing to tell. The monotony of my life just sucked me in. Work-Home-Sleep-Repeat. That's it. Going out? Lol. I went to guys a few days ago, got in a fight with one of them and ended up being called names. And after that, I haven't heard from any of the guys. My guess is I just lost more than half of my friends because one idiot doesn't know how to drink.
Seriously, while he's not drunk, everything is fine, he's really cool guy, but as soon as he gets even a bit drunk - he's the most annoying person in the world. And you guys know that it is hard to annoy me to the level where I'm really mad. Obviously, you know the topics I'd hate to talk about - dogs, whom I'm absolutely afraid of, my crush(es) and my body. God forbid someone will tell me I don't look good. No, I mean I do know I should lose some weight (working on it) but saying that I look dreadful is not a cool compliment for someone who is as complexed about everything, as me.
The worst part was, I kind of this someone might told him something about me. I mean, I noticed that while we were watching movies, his hand would appear on my tight or he'd look me in the eyes as if he'd want something. Do I really look like a whore if I hang out with them? Yeah, probably. But either way, isn't it up to me who I want to sleep with? I mean, I thought about it a lot. If I had to chose which one should be my first one, I wouldn't even doubt about my answer. I mean, all of my friends are dear to me, but I heard a lot of stories and that kind of grosses me out about them and their sex life. But let's not talk about that. Either way I'm pretty sure I won't be seeing them in a while. Plus it's summer, so everyone is going to move away. I'm going to get mad here, all alone (pretty sure girls are going away as well).
But despite this, I have a huge, freaking abnormal problem with money. Not that I couldn't make anything (kind of hard to do it as well, because people of Leicester are not really charitable). It's just we got a notice from our house next year that we must pay for summer months even if we're not allowed to live there. That comes up as 680 pounds. Until the 1st of July. On top of that, I still have to pay this rent, on which I'm short 230 pounds. And then I'll have to pay for July another 360. You see what kind of money I'm talking about? Yeah? And I have around 3 weeks to get it. I have no idea how because the job I have is literally killing me. I can't make more than 4 or 5 sales, which means that the best I make for myself in week is 100 pounds. Now this doesn't sound cool, right? Right. I have a bit of savings, but then again, they'll barely pay for my rent this month. I told about this to my leader and she was furious that I have to pay for summer time, so she'll help me give them a call and see why the fuck I have to pay that. I mean, yeah, the company we got house from knows about student maintenance so they think it's not a problem to get that money, but then again, I don't get anything and to save up this money is a problem. I should definitely look around and see if I can claim any benefits or I'm broke.

Anyway, sorry for bothering you about this. I just have no idea what else I could talk about, since there is nothing else in my life I'm excited about.
Love you guys x

'cuteavalanche' credit goes to this person, OMG I LOVE THIS KITTY SO MUCH ;3333

So much to write, so little to tell

Apparently, I didn't blog for 8 days.
I swear I thought it was just a few days :(
Nothing really happened this week. I woke up, I went to work, I slept, I woke up, I went to work. That's it. I didn't make any money, so fun times. Literally, I wanted to take a day off on Thursday, because I felt that I just needed some time for myself, but then I got in a 'serious talk' with my employer and I continued to work until Saturday without making a penny for myself. Thank God for Sunday. I know I will be asked why the fuck I didn't go extra mile and worked today, but I'm pretty sure that now, when I got my rest, I am going to be fine.
Ok, yeah, another reason why I was so stressed out this week was because of the money. I know, I know, it's my common problem and you probably don't want to hear it anymore, but seriously, I have no idea how I will manage to pay my double rent over the summer. That is so not fair. I'm actually not even sure how much I'll have to pay to have my stuff at my new house. And apparently guys are going to live like 20 mins away from me next year, so that's even sadder. I might as well just spend most of my days at their place, if we're still friends. Don't worry, I'm not fighting with them, it's just I know how easy it is to lose contact with old friends. I texted my girls from Lithuania and we barely had a conversation. Literally two words in the group chat that we had for ages. Apparently, no one really misses me there ^-^
But yeah, apart that, everything is going normal. I got results for my final #1 elan assignment and I passed it, so I'm really proud of myself. I still manage to live off what I have though you should definitely see my fridge. I need some serious shopping to do, but that's gonna happen on Tuesday when I'll get paid. Even though that money should go towards my rent. Well, I'll see how much I made that week and then decide. Honestly, can't remember the last time I cleaned my room. It's a disaster and I would be so ashamed if anyone would see it. But then again, I get back from work and it's the least of my concerns to actually clean it up. Yeah, I'm a messy person, what can I do.

Anyway. Remember the time I told you about that awkward conversation with one of my guys after stuff almost happened? God, I'm not even sure now if I told you this. But basically, it's 'take one for the team' and sleep with one of the guys so we'd make sure he's not gay. I mean, as much as I like my guys, my sex life is still my own problem. And genuinely, if I'm being absolutely honest, I wouldn't fuck most of them. I'm not being mean, they are attractive people, but the more I'm spending my time with them, the more flaws I see and less I'd want to actually do it with any of the guys. But yeah, I've started spending nights there now. Like yesterday, I came over to watch a movie, because I just wanted to chill, we ended up drinking and going to bed around 7. I was too lazy to go home, I didn't really wanted to sleep there, but then again, guys went upstairs and I got comfy on the sofa where I actually fell asleep. Well, until guys came down to drag me upstairs with them. Honestly, sometimes I want to punch them. I realised that one of my guys shouldn't be drinking. Like, seriously, he becomes sooooooo annoying and you know me, I'm just looking for an opportunity to pick a fight. I'm guessing what stopped me was the other friend who literally distracted me by tickling me until I couldn't breath. Anyway, yeah, I'm pretty sure I did slap the annoying one at least once. I'm mean person, what can I do....
Anyway, if we're talking about my friends, I haven't spoken about one in a while. Remember the one I tumblr rpg with? Well, I haven't done that in a few months now, but that's because I was so busy.But yeah, I mean, I did like her a lot and quite recently she told me she likes me more than a friendly way. Well, she lives soooo so far away, what could I say? I mean, I regret it, but let's face it, I have a crush on someone else to actually try doing long distant relationship with her. Devastating, truly, because I can't remember the last time we actually spoke. And then again, I do think about her from time to time. Especially when someone brings up my sexuality. I mean, I am pretty sure I am bisexual, but since I haven't been in any relationship before, I can't be absolutely sure.
But yeah, I'll stop talking about my love life now, it's getting to confusing for myself. I ordered new photos and they came really fast! So now I have my guys on the wall as well! It's really nice, I wish you could see it. I showed it to my aunt via skype and she started laughing that there are more pics of them than anyone else, including my family. Well, what can I do, it's really hard to get one decent picture of all of my guys. I printed a few of my selfies as well, because I'm so inlove with them. Now they are just right next to my bed, under the fairy lights. Looks absolutely amazing, I love it so much. Shame my pms ruined my beautiful skin by giving me terrible acne this month. And awful mood swings as well. I had like three panic attacks recently and uuugh it's so annoying. I went to Boots to find something for stress relief but I'm so not paying 10 quid for a pill, fuck it. Should I just find some catnip or however it's called and be high all day? Sounds like a fun thing to do.

Ok, now I'm out of ideas of what to tell you. Oh, wait. I have a stalker. Not the daily one, but everything started when I was walking home one day and I noticed that someone follows me. I stopped on one of the corners facing the wrong side to 'check my phone' he walked past me and then I hurried up where I needed to go. Shame, I had to stop for a traffic light and like half a minute later, he was standing near. I can't tell you how scared I went into my apartments. My hands were literally shaking. I saw him wandering around another day and then when I was working, he was wandering around my working place again. I haven't seen him in a few days now, but it's still scary. I told my colleagues about it just in case, I told my friends (they obviously made a joke out of it to make me less scared or at least that's what I'm thinking) and I actually googled how to get rid of the stalker. Not really helpful, obviously. But yeah, just in case I'll get missing, have in mind that it might be this creep. I mean, one person said that maybe he just lives nearby, but how will you explain that he came back from the wrong direction I was facing to the traffic light I was waiting? I would have forgotten it already, but it still scares me that suddenly he needed to go the same way I did.

Anyway, have a nice evening, I'm gonna go make myself a cup of tea, play instaniquarium and go to sleep to get ready for my work day tomorrow where I'll obviously get hammered.

love you all so so much xx

it said 'lawyers typical day' but I'm pretty sure mine is basically the same - the driving part. I walk to work haha. Anyway, thank you '

lawdegreefail' for sharing this gif, really resembles me :3

Sleep deprivated or something

Sleep is for weak!
I mean, yeah, we do need to sleep, but I got so little of it this night that I will probably walk into something today. Literally, guys, less than four hours of sleep is not good. I can barely type, not to mention go to work and fill the paperwork. God damn, I even said I'm gonna work tomorrow, but that means that as soon as I get back from work today, I'm just going to fall into my bed and sleep.
Why I didn't get any sleep, you ask? God, I went to bed at like half nine. And then my boys came over to get me to their house and you do know I can't say no to the guys. I know I was supposed to go clubbing with my girls, but I was sooooo tired. And then they came over and I didn't have a choice. I did sleep through most of the film that we've watched (Friday the 13th - we had to watch a movie) but I didn't want guys to paint my face or anything so I'd wake up every few minutes just to check if they plan to do anything. I'm not even sure if I even had a conversation with them, I was just there, silently sitting on the couch.
I tried calling taxi after the movie, to get me home, but apparently the app I had didn't recognise my card, so I had to walk. It was soooo freaking cold. Even with my sweater and my blanket. I got back to my room all shivering and it was a disaster to actually get dressed down and go to bed. Though as soon as I touched my pillow, I was out. Literally, nothing could keep me awake at that time.
I texted my co-worker before going to bed that I might be late, but since I woke up as usual (ok, half an hour later) I might not be as late. Though we have a text that our meeting will start at 8:30 so I have additional 20 to nap. Let me just finish talking here, drinking my morning coffee and get back to Brad.

I got a text yesterday, while being at guys. It was... hm, I don't even know how to explain this. My Mums good friend's brother? But she's my friend as well, so that's complicated. Anyway, what he texted was that he was my Mums friend and She was really kind and if I do need any help, I should just ask him. I have no idea why this happened. So strange, seriously. I mean, yeah, I posted my Mums picture on facebook the other day, but that doesn't mean I'm asking someone to help me out. I'm good. If I'd need help, I'd ask my friends and relatives, not someone I spoke maybe two times in my life. He was like 'we can also be friends' but honestly, that felt so strange.
But hey, who has time to worry, right? I'm gonna tell that to my auntie so she'd explain everything to me and then I'm good.
God I feel like I'm literally dying. I really hope I won't get any cunt customers today, or I'll snap. I really wanted to punch someone yesterday, so you know.

anyway, love you my cutie pies ;33

'heartsnmagic' I'm guessing that's how I'm going to look like today. Literally just falling on the ground and sleeping. Thank you for the gif ;)

Cat gif! (tbh I just ran out of ideas for the title)

GOooood Morning guys!

Woah, I haven't said hi to you in a long time, have I? Good morning. Now I feel bad. Well, not really. More like sleepy. I didn't get much sleep last night, though I didn't do anything. Like, I was tired after work, because I got back around seven, had a talk with an awesome girl from another office and then ate a bit and then made myself some dinner and got in a shower where I stood for two songs doing nothing, because I was too lazy to get out. So yeah, I got back to my room with a cup of tea, but then it was too hot so I turned this addictive game on and that's my story how I ended up going to sleep around midnight. Yeah, fun times, fun times.
I think tonight is crew night, so I'm pretty sure I won't be home early again. Or maybe? I'm not sure, actually. I mean, it's not compulsory to go to the crew nights, but I do enjoy spending time with my colleagues. They are pretty fun and yesterday I played ping-pong. It was sooooo fun ^-^
Oh, oh OH! I'm finally getting a grip of who else from my circle is reading my blog! It's soooo exciting! I wanna now from time to time, you know. Or I'll talk trash about people I don't want to get insulted. Or whatever. But to be honest, it's actually cool that I talked about my girls here, bcs that way one of them told me how she felt about something and we talked it out. So, yeah, I'm ok again. For now, at least. I never realised how much I'm actually caring about my family and friends. I'd always laugh at someone who has that kind of values and look at me now, wanting just to keep everyone close to myself.
Ok, so it's the third day when a spot on my jaw line hurts. I can't decide whether it is a spot or something else. It really, like, really hurts, but I can't really see anything when I look at the mirror. But I'm gonna try and not to worry about that for now. Unless you guys have an idea why it could start to hurt out of nowhere. Then please, tell me.
Either wayyyyy, I got promoted. I said speech and everything and they said they liked it so much ^-^ I mean, they're always praising each other, so no wonder, but it still feels good as hell. And then I had a lot of fun on the stand. Literally all day I danced in the rain, without music, while people were walking by and staring. Yeah, I didn't get anything apart guys giving me 'compliments'. God, I thought they were going to grab me and start stripping. I bet they did that in their heads, at least. That's why it wasn't pleasant to stop some people. Aaaah, that problem of being hot. No, I'm joking, I'm not that confident. Faking it until I'm making it, right?
I started wearing quite a lot of makeup. I don't say I don't like it, but I woke up today, looked at the mirror and were like 'da f is wrong with your face'. I got used to my face having make up all the time and now it's so strange to be without it. Maybe that's why I don't even like to go to the guys without make up anymore. I know it's stupid, because I doubt they care how I look like, but still. Though the day before yesterday I was with just mascara on, because I went to town before and literally couldn't care less of what I was wearing. That's what I love about chilling at home - no one cares how the hell do I look like.
Anywhooo, I'm gonna go now, I have a job I need to prepare to ;o

had a nice chat, thank you x
love you xx

p.s. people who commented on my 'House' post - thank you so very very much ;)

yeah, you, 'brightindie' got me at the cat. Omg it's sooo cute I wanna take this little creature and snuggle it all day ;3 I miss my cat now.... thank you for the gif ;/

It's just me myself and I

Finally handed in my final assignment. My first year of uni is over!
I can't really believe this. It seems like it's been just a few months when I got here. Aah, nostalgia. Seriously, its so strange. Now I can focus on my work and get rich. Oh, sorry, save children. Yeah, that's what I meant. But yeah, guys, isn't it awesome? it's been a wonderful year at uni. I met so many great people ;3
Either way, I'm not here today to talk about nostalgia. Well, I'm not really sure why I'm here today, but hey, we all have those days, right? I just want to taaaalk and no one seems to want to talk with me so I'm just gonna update my blog with random thoughts.
My ear seems to be stuck. I literally can't hear shit with my left ear. I tried unpoping it but I think I just made it worse. Shit happens, what can I say. I wish I could go to town, but then again, none of my friends are going with me and walking alone in the rain sounds a bit sad. I could listen to music while walking, but still. It's always more fun to talk with someone while going somewhere. Especially if I need to go shopping. God you have no idea how badly I need new shoes. Yeah. I do. And God damn I need them now, because if tomorrow is going to be warm day, I'm gonna die. You should see my hands, they already are tanned as hell and I was planning on going to guys and sit outside all day to tan my legs as well, but hey, look, weather is mocking me.
Shall I just go alone? I dont think I have an umbrella. I know I had it but I have no idea where did I put it. And I also remember it was a bit broken, so either way, I don't really have an umbrella. Fun times, fun times. Plus, I need to clean my room again. I did tidy it up when I said I would, but seriously, to keep it clean requires a lot of organisation and we know I cant do shit about that.
I think it stopped raining. Now the question again, do I want to go alone or should I boil my feet tomorrow, if it's warm? God I don't fancy to go alone at all. I need more friends. Or I just need to level up the current ones.
Ok, I will go to town alone and my friends can regret they didn't go with me. I'm gonna buy fantastic shoes and maybe treat myself to something else as well. Because I'm fabulous.

Judita's out, bitches.
ok, love you x

p.s. I think the sun is coming up ^-^

meow, thanks '

b-samedi' for the gif, I mean... cats. amazing. what can be more perfect...<3

House

I don't want to live with my female friends anymore.

I'm being serious. I haven't seen them in weeks, any time I try to meet up, they have 'something planned' or don't want to. I expressed my surprise for one test being ran for 4 hours and she attacked me with sarcasm which was not really nice.
I might be sounding like a whiny bitch right now, but seriously, I'd rather spend my next year with someone I truly spend time with. I know you automatically thought about guys right now, but omg, I'd be needing so many locks in my room. It might be fun, but am I really up to it? Either way, we're not talking about it now. What I'm trying to say is that I don't hang out with those girls anymore. I don't know what happened but if they dont want to, I cant be bothered either. Right?
I should talk about this with my auntie, to see what she thinks. Though I can hear her saying just to live here next year. Lol, nope. I paid the deposit and I want to get that back. If I want to live somewhere else or with someone else, I need to find someone in my place then. And I don't know many people who'd be willing to live with them. Well, maybe they do, I wouldnt know. We were really good friends at the beginning of the year, I'm not saying we weren't, but all of our #squad just disappeared. Boys went one way, girls the other and then there is me, the foreigner. Thank God for my boys, I'd be absolutely alone without them. I should really find more friends to hang out with. The only problem I'm kind of bitchy to the people I don't know. I have my colleagues, but they are co-workers, I cant hang out with them at the mall or anything. We do have crew nights but that's not really my style.
Either way, if you have any idea what I should do about this situation, comment, ok? I'd really appreciate an advice here.

love you x

'greatestgifsofalltime' appreciate the gif, thanks ;)

Nostalgia and stuff

A customer asked me what happened to my hand.
I am a good liar, you know. I could never tell what really happened. I told him I was walking with my friends back home and my friends pushed me into the bushes. I mean, you want to believe it, believe it. You don't want to, it's up to you.
Anyway, it was a hot day today. 6 hours in the sun is no joke. My hands have different suntan and I hate it so much. I hope I'm not working outside this week anymore. Well, I'm not working tomorrow, because I need to present my assignment, but on Wednesday... oh, yeah, I'm getting promoted on Wednesday as well (I was supposed to do it today, but my Boss asked me to do it on Wednesday, I'm so cool with it). I'm gonna be a full time fundraiser now. Honestly, I can't believe my first year of Uni is over. How the hell? I didn't even notice how quickly seven/eight months passed. I met so many wonderful people, I got so much new experience it's hard to actually believe I'm the same person. Though probably I'm not.
For sure, I did realise I am a bisexual. That's the fact. Someone told me they wouldnt be surprised if I went full lesbian, but we're not talking about that. I also got a lot more confident and aknowledged what my body needs. I'm not saying I didn't know before, it's just I became quite open about it. I was told by someone, that they haven't met a girl like me anywhere. That I'm really strange in a good way by not being afraid to talk about sex or something that you don't usually talk about.
But let's put aside my growth of confidence. What I want to talk about is how much I've changed in the past academic year. When I came here, I realised I can't speak English as good as I thought I did. I became complexed about it, I was afraid I won't have any friends because of this, I was afraid that I won't be able to be a responsible adult. Look at me now - I have a good job, I have friends, I love the way I speak English (even if it's not perfect) and I'm a responsible adult. Well, know much responsible we can still debate about it, but seriously, I managed to keep myself alive with the roof over my head for eight months now. That is so awesome. I'm so freaking proud of myself. I hope I do keep up with this good work.
Anyway, I have noticed that I've started to think about my first crush, a.k.a. my boy best friend a lot. Not in a good way, obviously, but someone told me they saw him with his girlfriend and that I did a freaking great job by not clinging on him, so I've started wondering if I'd like to see him when I get back to Lithuania. Yeah, I do plan to go back for a bit in the summer. I want to visit my family, spend some time in the village, have a few parties with my old friends, just... relax. I'll probably hear a lot of 'so will you come back after you'll finish uni' but honestly, I love England. I love rain, I love people, I love everything here. I do miss my country, sometimes, but that's more of what I've left there, not all of it. I say to everyone that people in lithuania are mean. They are mean, at least where I came from, but I still like the place I grew up in. But yeah, talking about the crush - I think I do want to meet up with him. Just to let him see how much I've changed into a better me and how much he had lost. Actually, I really want to show everyone how much I've changed. Can't wait to see their faces when I get back.
But yeah, I'm gonna get back to my commentary now, or I won't do it at all and that wouldn't be good.

love you guys so much xx

aaah, that nostalgia... thanks, 'straywarden' for sharing this gif ;)

So about that...

So, about yesterday...
I don't know what happened, really. I wasn't in the mood, I suppose. And I feel so stupid right now to have marks all over my wrist from yesterday (apparently the knife was sharp enough to leave them). I still don't feel great, but I slept on everything and now everything seems so stupid. Crush? Really? That was a guy I almost slept with. Woah, big deal.
It's not a big deal, ok? I was drunk when that almost happened, he was drunk and that's it. And I was thinking way too much about it. There is nothing to think about. We're friends. I love all of my friends and that's it. I care for them as well and probably seeing him in bad mood put me even in the worst mood. I mean, it's not the first time this has happened. Ask my ex-best-friend. Whenever she wasn't in the mood, I'd get even more upset. It's same here.
Either way, I have one day to get ready to finish my assignment and prepare a speech for work. Apparently I'm getting promoted to leadership tomorrow, so I'd have to say thank you to the office. It does sound like a fun task, but we all know how bad I am at public speaking. Byt hey, my new moto is Fake it until you make it. That's what I'm gonna do.

I should probably head to the shower. I made myself quite decent breakfast and now I feel so full all I wanna do is sleep. But obviously I'm not gonna sleep. I slept for 10 hours this night. And I need to do my assignment. And as well clean my room, because it looks like someone planted an atomic bomb here and blew it up. And it means I'll get to put my music on the max volume so it might get my mind out from all the fuss that has happened. I don't want to think about anything that happened, I don't want it to make any impact on how I act around my friends and how I feel about them.

I really need to take my mind off from this. I have to go and clean my room. Have a nice day guys x

Ah, I wih I could spend my day sunbathing.... <3

gif is from 'wiccax' and I'm really thankful for it ;)

I know everything happens for a reason and I really hope that this time it's gonna be a good reason (:

I should probably sharpen my knife.

My knife is not sharp enough. And I'm afraid of pain.
But I want to do something to myself so badly. You should see my wrist. It has red marks from the knife all over. I took way too many pills to calm myself down and I'm sitting here barely seeing the screen.
Why do I say this? I don't know.
I swore to myself that I will never ever cry because of boys again. Yesterday I cried for Mum. Today? Today I had a panic attack because I saw that something was wrong with my friend. The same friend I have a crush on. With every minute that I spent sitting there, not knowing what is going on, I felt less and less cheerful. I didn't even say goodbye to him. He was upstairs, with his doors closed. You know me, I do think it was something that I have done. And I might have an idea of what it is, that's why I asked him in the beginning of the evening to walk me home. I wanted to talk about it. But his answer 'too lazy' was all answers I needed. Especially that after like 5 or 10 minutes he went for a walk.
I shouldn't be talking about this. I shouldn't be caring about this. But there is something that bothers me and I feel like shit not knowing what it is. I know I became bitchy after something that happened, but something he said hurt my ego too much. I can't tell you anything about it, because it's actually too personal, but anyway. You guys know me, I can't be angry for long. I will be the first one to apologise, I will be the first one to try and fix it. I know that most of the time I just make thing worse, but at least I tried, right?
My wrist hurt. I wanted to cut my left hand, but I have my special Tattoo there. I looked at it for a bit and I felt guilty that I feel this way. That's why I went through my right hand. I only cut myself few days after my Mum died. That was the only time I did it. And now I've done it again.
I actually had a feeling that something is going to happen today. I was super active today and I needed attention and everything was fine until the evening. I knew this was going to happen and I didn't avoid it because I didn't realise it in time.
It's a bit hard to breathe.  Every time I try to breath in, there is something keeping me from doing it. It's a panic attack, don't worry. It's not the first one.
I never thought I will ever get that because of the thought that I could make someone feel uncomfortable. I really need to talk about this with him, but I don't want to be the one to start it anymore. And I don't want to do it via messenger or snapchat. I hate this so much, because I know that I can barely say the words about the topic I need to talk.
I'm sleepy, good night.

Pie and Cookies!

Hey guys!

I've finished 3 from my 4 assignments. The last one is due to next week, I can't wait to finish it. Then I could have some rest or at least concentrate on work. Sounds like I will have a lot of fun, right?
I don't know if I want to continue with the job I have. I mean, it's amazing and all, but I appreciate getting paid for my hours. I don't like standing in the rain and cold all day and know that I get nothing for it. I don't like making people sign up for something. I don't like it. I don't want to do this. It's a great opportunity, I know, but we all know that influencing people is not for me.
As a person who's going to work in a few hours I sure sound enthusiastic, don't I? But that's probably because I had a dream about my Mum and it wasn't the best one. I can't be bothered to talk about it, but the point is, we got into a fight and I can't remember the last time I shouted at someone so much. I wish I could run and say sorry. I don't know what happened. I've never had this kind of dream before. Maybe She's angry with me for something?
Either way, I need to cheer up. I baked a pie and cookies yesterday! I asked my friends if they wanted some, but they didn't reply, so I just assumed I can have everything for myself. Why not, right? Getting all fat before the summer, that's just like me. Everyone around me works out and carefully choses their calories and then there is me - doing nothing, eating everything. It's not like I will be able to go outside in a swimsuit anyway. And there is no danger anyone would see me naked anythime soon, so I'm good. Oh, have I told you that I've started sleeping naked? It's so comfortable! Well, I still have my underwear on, because I can't sleep without them, but yeah, I don't use pyjamas anymore. It's actually really amazing. It's not hot, it's not cold, it's just freaking perfect. I just need to make sure that my curtains are properly closed and that's it. I feel so free.
You should see our flat right now. There are cartons everywhere, our furniture in the kitchen don't have their places, they moved the fridges and now it's just one big mess. I haven't seen anything done in like 3 days now and I have no idea when will they clean it. Because I surely won't. I don't have time or patience to do any of it. You should see how our top of the drawers looks like. Thank God I don't do a lot of cooking at home, it would be discusting.

Anyway, gotta go, love you xx

 I really really love that quote. Seriously, it suits me. My life is one big mess but that doesn't mean I don't look good. I know I do.
P.s. thank you, 'captainmobscene' for sharing this gif ;)

Something to think about

Who said being naked is a bad thing?
Ok, I'm not sitting here naked. I wear my underwear, that means I do have some kind of clothes on me, doesn't it? And I have a blanket on my shoulders, so no one can see my boobs. And the curtains, obviously, are closed. God I love this. Have I told you how much I am inlove with my body? That sounds so narcissistic, sorry.
All day I was researching what is bisexuality, so you can imagine what kind of ideas I had in my mind all day. Oh, yeah, and so you wouldn't be confused, it was because of my final assignment for creative writing. We have to write a 2000 words piece creating someones identity or portfolio. So I chose a character who is bisexual but still is not quite sure about it. It was quite interesting to write it and now I sit here, trying to make a draft out of my piece and.. yeah, I'm on my blog. Fun times, fun times.
Anyway, I don't really want to talk about my uni work, it kills me everyday now. I don't even know what I want to talk about.
Oh, right, I was almost hit yesterday. Some guys decided it's really cool way to pick a girl by stopping their car just a few centimetres away from her. Poor choice, idiots. I saw them laughing and I really wanted to stop there and just stand in front of their car for a few good minutes, but I had to go to work, so they got off easily. God I wish I've done it. Stupid idiots. It got me thinking, actually. About my life. I'm not going deep into philosophical stuff, because that's boring, but let me tell you this, I found myself doing a list of what I want to do before I die. And since it made me realise that it might be any day, I wanna start to fulfil it asap. First, obviously, is to have sex. No one wants to die a virgin. Second one - tell everyone what I think of them. And this one is quite mean, because we all know how mean I can get. And to be honest with you, it's quite hard to think of something that doesn't require a lot of planning or time. I mean, obviously I want to finish uni, but if someone hits me tomorrow, that's unfulfilled wish, right? I want to have a list with wishes that I can grant any day. Any ideas?
Either way, I think all I want to do right now is to live. Not just exist. And as I previously said, I don't want relationship, so I shouldn't be spending time with guy that wants that. No, I don't find myself attracted to him in romantic way and as much as it kills me, whenever I get a text now I just want to cry. I mean, he's caring and stuff, but I don't like that. If I say I don't want to see anyone, that means I don't want to see anyone and if you try to push it, I'm gonna absolutely ignore you. And I know that's not how it happens, but that's how I work. I ignore everyone I don't fancy. Stupid, I know.
By the way, I have a freaking dilemma about next year. I love my girls so so much, but I can't remember the last time I talked with them. I can't remember the last time I went somewhere with them. I can't remember the last time we had a party. And I'm going to live with them next year. But I don't even know them anymore? I see their snapchats or facebook pictures and they hang out with different people, I hang out with absolutely different people and everything seems so... far? I don't know. I feel strange about this. And I had a dream one night that I was living with my guys and it was so freaking fun. Plus, they know how to cook and it's so perfect. Though it does sound strange living with a lot of guys and be the only girl in the house.

Anyway, I'm not bothering my blog anymore, I should get back to my assignment ^-^

have a nice evening xx

so this gif is from 'hugtae' and I'm so grateful for it ^-^ it doesn't make any sense but look at it, it's so perfect ;3