I had a panic attack quite recently. I didn't have my medicine, I didn't have anyone to call to and it was so terrifying, I though I'm going to die. What caused it? A simple letter from the hospital for and appointment. An urgent appointment. They aid it doesn't mean that it's cancer, but I got so afraid. I'm still afraid and I'm still waiting for my appointment but I really don't want to go there alone. Though I don't want to drag anyone with me either. I asked one of my girls, but then again, I realised if I have the bad results, I don't want to tell that to anyone.
Why I started my blog entry like that? Because I just realised that everyone around me started calling me everyday, asking how am I and just chit chat. Almost like everyone already knows I'm dealing with it and wants to know when to say goodbye. Or at least don't want to feel like dicks if I'm gone too soon. My step-dad started calling me everyday, my cousin started messaging me more often, my friends became so nice to me it doesn't feel right. And all anyone can possibly know is what they've read here or what I've told them.
I know it's gonna be tough to deal with it just by myself, but I don't want anyone to change their behaviour just because something is wrong with me, ok?
To be honest, just before I started writing, my uncle called me. And I think no one understands how afraid I am of an unexpected morning calls. Two years ago one of unexpected morning calls said my Mom died. Can you imagine how it shocks me everytime, when I hear my phone or laptop ringing around 6 or 7 in the morning? I couldn't pick up today and when I messaged asking if everything is alright, he didn't reply for around 3 minutes and that was enough to ruin all of my mood. I literally want to cry right now, but I don't have time for this. I need to go and put makeup on, I need to smile and go to work. And smash it today - I need results and I am going to get them, you will freaking see.
But yeah, I'm sorry I wasn't around for 9 days. My assignment is due tomorrow, I have 500 out of 2000 words and I have no idea what to write there. Everything stresses me out.
And oh, yeah, on Saturday I had a date. My first freaking date ever. It was so awesome ^-^ and then yesterday I've realised that I have a tendency to repeat my history, so yeah, it stresses me out so much I want to bang my head to the wall :|
Love you guys, so so sorry for not writing more, I really wish I could, but I'm so busy I barely have time to myself, actually. My acne became worse than ever, my nails are breaking everyday and I feel tired all the time. Oh, wow, ok, I know how that sounds. Fun times.
See you later x
Hey, what's going on? How's the appointment? How are you feeling, you ok? You should take some time for yourself! :(
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