I have a confession to make. Like, a really secretive one, so if you know me personally and you talk to me on daily/weekly basis, know that I will not discuss this out loud with anyone and if you try to talk about this with me, I'm gonna be really mad.
You know how I always hang out with guys all the time, right? Like, really, my girls don't even care about meeting up and chatting, so I kind of don't care as well. But yeah, let's get back to the point. When I started my job, I started wearing make up and that obviously means that I got a lot more confidence on a daily basis. I even got a date because of that! I remember telling you guys about how much I want relationship and blah blah blah, but then again, on Monday I was working with one of my colleagues and our conversation became kind of personal. I don't even understand how I've started talking about my friends and our activities whenever we drink. Well, I mean, I know I did sounded like a slut, but hey, that colleagues was flirting with me from the day one, it usually helps to send them the other way. I mean by telling a guy that I kiss a lot of guys. But that's not the point. He asked me if I'd act the same way if I was in a relationship and it actually got me thinking. I don't regret anything I did with anyone so far, I enjoy games I play with my friends and I actually think I would be a bad girlfriend because of this. I don't think I would consider kisses as cheating and after last night (we'll come to that later)... well, let's just say that I changed my mind radically about what I want. I don't need relationship, I don't need flowers or romance, I don't need that ONE person that I'd spend all of my time with. I mean, the guy I went on a date with (two times) is really really nice and cute, but if I'm being absolutely honest, I don't think that's what I deserve. I told him that I have a lot of guy friends and he didn't seem to be bothered, but I am pretty sure I forgot to mention the fact that I made out with most of them.
And about last night. I got a call from one of my friends that he needed a drink and an hour later me, him and another friend were at my house, drinking a bottle of vodka that cost me 15 quid. Now, I wasn't sober when I met up with them, since I was on a crew night, so I guess you can imagine how drunk I was at the end of the evening. And to be honest with you, I wasn't bothered by the fact that most of the time we spent playing spin the bottle. And then we got to my single bed, all freaking three of us and went to sleep. Well, sleep. I don't know if you can call that a 'sleep'. But I'm not going into more details, but if anyone is wondering, I'm still a virgin (because I know how it sounded). Though probably if I wasn't, I'd have had pretty interesting experience. But yeah, I regret absolutely nothing. Well, maybe something, but that's another story and you are not hearing about it.
And on top of that, last night that Monday colleague and me kissed. It was really strange experience and I don't wish to ever repeat that. I'm not saying it was bad, but that was too much. You know how I always said no one pays attention to me? Well, now I have way too much attention to myself. I have a lot of guys around me and as a straight (ok ok, Bisexual) girl I sometimes get confused of what I want. But yeah, after last night, I'm pretty sure I don't want relationship. I'd have to refuse a lot of stuff that I'm doing. And as I said, I don't plan to do it as long as it makes me happy.
God this was a real talk, wasn't it? Though I feel better by telling this to someone. Aaah, I need to discuss this with someone but no one in real life comes to my mind to whom I could actually say this in person. Grandma, probably. God damn I need to talk with my Grandma. And I know it sounds strange, but she is soooo cool with this. I'm off, I need to call her.
love you guys x
thanks, 'sleazedup' for this gif. I can't help but imagine something else for those bottles but I'm not talking about that either lol
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