Badumtššš!

Ok, yes, it's lithuanian letter, sorry, it means sh ;3

Hey my sweet little best guys ever!

I feel so fine today! No, not fine. Well, fine, but... Oh, I don't know the word, ok? Ok? Damn, this assignment is killing me. Not that I updating my blog to procrastinate, but yeah, I am. I need like 100 more words and I can't. Literally, my fingers refus to listen to me when we open word app on my laptop. Like, they just stops and then after that goes to he mousepad and then clicks on facebook or blog page. This is a siiiiign! I should write here more often. I do have urges to share everything with you guys, but I kind of want my posts to be long and if I'm on my phone it's a real pain in the ass to write something decent. That's why few of my posts had like 3 sentences or so. And the sentences weren't even that good. Oh well.
Anyway, what do I want to talk about today? I'm guessing the same topic I do talk everyday now. Friendship and friends. Like, seriously, they are a world for me and I don't know how could I live without them. I know it might be a bit boring, to listen to me bragging about it, but seriously, they are the most awesome people I know. But I don't want to say how awesome they are today. I want to talk about how quickly you can distance yourself from someone if they gets false information about you. It's not confirmed, but as my anxiety is whispering to me, someone might have found out about my little crush over them and that's why they stared to avoid me. And trust me, this made me feel like an absolute shit for a few days. I don't really want to talk about that alot, but I want to be honest. Like, I had a guy best friend that I was absolutely in love with and it was absolutely fine for me that we didn't ended up as a couple. While being here I haven't felt anything even slightly similar to the crush I had to that guy back in my past (that I can't even stand right now, he's absolute shit and I'm not even exagurating). I mean, it was my first month here, someone was really nice to me and it was so strange I confused crush with friendship. You know how long I haven't felt anyone so close to me? I mean, yeah, I had my aunties and Grandma but it wasn't the same. I thing the last time I felt like this was with my ex-best friend that I miss right now so fucking much. If not her, then my Mum. Well, the point is, I mixed it and after I started talking about, I realised that I lie. I always know when I lie but you know what they say. After you speak, there is no way back. So, yeah, I just hoped I could play it out with no one noticing what mistake I made. So, yeah. Apparently, my plan didn't work. My bestie from the first month became someone I barely hang around with. Like, I can't remember the last time I saw him and he used to take me from work and sit at my place drinking tea until 2 in the morning. Of course, I have another friend that does the same now, but who knows how long will this last. I hope it will last, I fucking love my friends. All of them. I just need to sort out what level of friends all of them are. Ugh, I need a chart. Actually, I need selfies with them, then it would be easier. That's it, we're gonna have a lot of selfies, guys. Get ready.
Anyway, this post seems pretty long now. I'm doing too much procrastinating and I should stop right here. Love you guys x

gif from "tana-the-dreamchaser" thanks ;33

Sorry... again?

I feel like I personally offended anyone, who reads my blogs. And I don't like to offend people. Sorry for not posting for a few days now....
Hello anyway!

So, starting with the good news! I finally sent that letter that could get me a little more money from my country every month. I hope I'll get that pretty soon, or else I'm kind of screwed. You know, as always. Gawd, I do like to moan about my bad stuff. Can someone please tell me to stop? Ugh, I should be enjoying my life! Like, I did something crazy yesterday, but my friend made me promise that I won't post anything specific about it until one date, so I'm waiting a few more days for showing you guys what I did. Ugh, how do I have that much patience... Anyway, I am so happy I did it! It was my dream all along. Of course I' be cursed by my Godmother and probably half of my family, but you know, it's my life and I do what I find the best for myself.
That reminded my about the comment anonymous made on "I do" post. Honestly, I think about it alot. Yes, I do like to think about anything negative that was threw at me. I mean, I'm really pleased that someone wants to watch over me, it is really really sweet. I like when people take care of me. I mean, who doesn't? But the point I'm trying to make here is not that. I was really really confused about that part where I drink too much, according to that comment. Am I? Well, yeah, I know it does sound that I drink alot when I write about it nearly in every update of mine, but it's really just the sound that is bad. I mean, back in Lithuania when we drink, yes, we drink shots and plain vodka or tequila and that is what I would be scared of myself, if I did that here. No, sweeties, to correct myself, we make mixes here. A little bit of vodka and a lot of cranberry juices. Or any mixes that bar sells. Well, yeah, I buy double vodka with cranberry juice, but it's just for the idea to save some money. And since I hate spending my precious money on buzz, I buy two, mosty three drinks per night, so by the end of it, I start to feel absolutely sober. Don't worry about my drinking habits. If you know me well, you should also know, that I know when to say stop to this. Those, who were close to me back in Lith, should know that I had quite a good example of what happens when you had too much. I hate talking about that part of my past, so don't ask me to tell that here. Or anytime. Don't ask me about that, just remember, that I do know what happens. I can take care of myself and I have my dear Parents with me so they would watch over. Don't worry, I'm fine. Really.
Anyway, for the past few days I've been laughting more than I've did in the last month, I tell you. I don't want to brag, but I do feel pretty happy. Even if I have something to ruin it. But there are friends who always fix it. Just say the word to them, that something happened and they will run to me so they would put smile on my face. Or at least it's what I think. I love my friends so much! And I'd do basically everything to keep them around me. Not in a creepy way, of course. God, I'm such a twisted minded person. The point is, I do really really love them ;3

Broes before hoes, right? Damn, I shouldn't use that language, I'm a lady. Anyway, love you guys x

gif from "controversialdb", DB is like the best and the friendship in this anime is just perfect. Thanks for sharing ;3

I Do..

Guyyyys,

I do really really love my #squad. I mean, seriously, I do. They are fantastic people, all of them. The funny part is that I complained that someone from my #squad was avoiding me and here I am doing the very same thing myself. And if anyone would ask why, I wouldn't know what to say. Really, I have no idea why I'm refusing to go out. Maybe because I have chilling buddies now? Damn it, it's so hard to have more than one friend. How to deal with them? How to divide my time so no one would be upset??? It's killing me, to be honest. I do want to be the best friend I can possibly be, but at the same time, I need to do so much work. By work I don't mean my job only. I haven't even noticed how quickly the deadline for our second assignment came. I need to spend some time on my laptop doing it. It's not really hard, I think, but still, I do need to concentrate. Or at least make a group of my #squad guys to go to the library to study. But we need booth, not the computer area. Firstly, because the chairs are really uncomfortable. Secondly, because laptops are way better and then we won't need to use usb. Win win.
Either way, I fucked up with my sleeping schedule. Like, yesterday I could go to sleep at 11 pm and get a good nights sleep, but you know what? Instead of this perfect plan, I spent 3 hours on 9gag and decided it's time to sleep when it was around 2. I'm terrible at managing my time, seriously. But I told you that already, didn't I? Well, this is just a reminder that I didn't solve this problem. I do have a lot of problems, but you know what? Without them it would be really boring to live. Struggles are what makes your life interesting and I do love living this way.
I use "I do" alot today, don't I? Don't ask me why, I have no idea. Maybe this is a confession? You know, my youtube channel plays Hallelujah by Patd, so this might be the case. Ugh, I love them. They make the best music ever. You can dance to it, you can sing it, you can cry while listening to them. Perfect, I tell you. I wish I could sing better, I would take my #squad to the karaoke place. I think I saw one while walking in the city centre. I miss those guys, damn it. We should totally hang out more. Although I told them that I am really tired after work and I'd like to go out on my day off. But noo, apparently, there are no good clubs open on Monday or Wednesday. Ugh, this is so tiring. Maybe I could try to go out on Tuesday, but I feel like waisting my money when I get home after 12 and I could be at Mosh at half 12. Like, seriously, why would I pay fiver if I know that at 2 am someone will want to go to McDonalds? That's a waist of my precious money. I have spent way too much this month and I intend to not do that again. I barely can pay my rent. I know how I could get a little more money but I can't make myself do it. Although it's really easy, I just need to send a letter. Maybe I'm gonna do it today. I need to check if there is any post cans (lol, how do you call them?) near Tesco. I'm heading there after this lecture, because I'm kind of out of shower supplies. I bet my roommates curse me for having so much stuff in our bathroom. Sorry that I use 3 different conditioners, but with the hair like mine, it's really hard. Especially to take care of the colour, that I need to lighten again. Damn you, hair, why can't you grow faster so I wouldn't need to dye you while there are not many roots showing. Wow, that was one hell of the English, wasn't it?

I'm gonna go now, guys, love you x

gif from "adamisfat", thanks for sharing it, even though I took it out of the context ;3 [the first gif was Benedict Cumberbach (I hope I spelt it right) a.k.a. Sherlock Holmes holding a ring box.]

#Hausing problems.

Hey there!

I know I know I know I know I am really irregular with my blog posts and I hate myself for that, but please, don't judge me for trying to have a life, ok? I'm trying to write as much as possible. And I can see that my problems are just the same, so my guess is you would be really bored to read the same topic again and again. Well then, my excuse is like that today. I'm letting a few memories to settle down so I could tell you about it in one sit. Don't be mad, I'm sorry.
So, anyways, I guess my last entry was on Sunday? Or was it Monday? Because I remember writing about my friends birthday. I still need to bake her a cake though. Tesco, I'm coming. In a few days. I'm really not in the mood to bake, too fun to live I guess. Because, yeah, on Monday to Tuesday night I had a guest coming over. Actually, that's one of my lith friends that I'm not even sure how I am friends with. Oh well, my #squad as always were too lazy to come and keep me company (they never come over) so I found a way to have someone at my place. Of course there is a way, just mention food and everyone (except my #squad) will come over. So, yeah, I didn't really set the visiting hours so around midnight we called our other mutual friend so he would come over as well. Let me just say, that it was quite fun to chill with them. They are pretty cool guys. And they left around four in the morning? My alarm was set to went on at 7 in the morning. So when they left, I kind of debated if I should go to bed or should I go to the shower for my morning routine and then nap a little bit. Of course I went to the shower. Who wouldn't? I needed to wash my hair so it was a good solution to dry them naturally. Even if I woke up looking like a oak tree. There is nothing hair tie can't do, by the way. So, yeah, I was soooooo sleepy when I went to my first workshop. I think most of students are always tired, but it was way too much for me. After these 2 hours of nightmare (even though our class was pretty cool) I got home and napped for another hour, until my next workshop. It was even more sleepy, to be honest. Firstly, because I was just woken up. Second, it's history. That shit makes me sleepy as fuck. Anyway, after that I had two hours to sleep until my work, but after one precious napping hour my work called and asked me to come over sooner. Oh well, extra few pounds. It wasn't busy so I called my lith friend to come over to hang out at my work. Again, they were really cool to come even if it was raining (them I mean one lith friend and one friend that lives with him). My co-workers automatically assumed I fancy him and it was really awkward. They think that every boy I talk to is someone I sleep with. Ha, you wish. I generally like to hang out with guys more than girls. Girls are for gossipping and secrets and beauty stuff. Guys are for chilling. So yeah, after work I texted him again about what we should do tonight, because my #squad went clubbing and I didn't have energy for that. So, yeah, my friends picked me up from work, we went to Tesco to buy some snacks and then came over at my place to watch Supernatural. Good show, btw! I kind of pissed my flatmate off because we were pretty loud, but I said sorry this morning and she said it's fine, so I hope it is ;3
Anyway, yeah, since my #squad hates visiting, I decided to visit my lith's friend house today. For a change, you know. And he as a huge TV, so guess what we will do. Oh, I can't wait. I'm getting them a pie. They asked for an apple pie (I volunteered to bake and I regret this decision). Either way, talking about houses. I have a dilemma, because everyone around me started looking for a place to live next year. Girls from my #squad offer to live with them and two other from our course, but as one of our #squad members said, wouldn't it be too much to study, go out and even live with the same people? I mean, I know how that would go. We would fight for everything, eventually. But I don't have any more friends to live with, you feel me, right? I could stay at Oxford court, where I am now, but they would rise the price for the room and it's totally not worth 95 per week. So, yeah. Dilemma. I could ask my lith friend if he'd like to find a place for his squad and me, but If I remember correctly, he has Muslim friend that can't live in one apartment with the girl, so there is that.

anyway, I'm almost late for my workshop, see you soon x

gif from "leilanifox", thanks for sharing ;3

This is Gossip!

No it's not. Hi guys!

Sorry I didn't post anything yesterday, I was quite busy doing... stuff. Like, stuffy stuff. I worked (of course), then I had to go out with my dear dear dear friend, because we were celebrating her birthday. Oh My it was so much fun I can't even believe I lived to the second day. I mean, yeah, I had a few drinks, it was alright, but I danced so much shit out of me. It actually feels really really good. I mean, I am way happier after yesterday. I've decided, that it's so much better not to have anyone by my side. Then you have no rules and all you care is what you let yourself to do. I bet it sounds weird. What I mean is I kind of understood that I do love to be single. I have friends and that is all I need at this moment. Going out while being in a relationship would set so many boundaries. Especially if my SO wouldn't go out with me. Like, I kind of noticed that I get a lot of attention in the club. Like, yesterday there was bunch of guys standing in the corner and eating me with their eyes. Fuck, that's Lithuanian expression. Don't mind it. It means they were looking at me like they would see someone naked for the first time or smth like that. Not that I was naked, of course. Talking about nakedness, I kind of hate my body. Again. Fuck it. It took me fucking three years to love it and it was because I lost a little weight and now... Again? Really? Ugh, I should start watching what I eat. Maybe get some vegetables, fruits and be on a salads diet for a little while. I would save so much money because of that. God, I can even see my second chin showing, I must got really fat in two months. That's it, from now on, no McDonald's. If my friends will go there, I'm not getting anything. If we are going out, I'm getting one drink and that is fucking it. I need to watch over myself more. And I need to save up, since I don't see myself getting another job any time soon.
Oh, yeah, talking about my job. Today was really nice. Actually my cheeks started to hurt because I was smiling so much. It was a good day, really. And then these 3 guys came, they were totally checking me out (oh, that's the phrase!). Bitches didn't leave any tips. I was so disappointed. Until I saw a piece of paper with a number on and the phrase "call me". God, so old fashioned. So, anyway, I have no idea which of them left their number, so I did texted. Not that I would go out with any of them (though I kind of have a feeling one of them was the guy I made out with while being at Liquid&envy on fresher's week :| ). So, yeah. I got scolded for eating really slowly too. And that was unexpected since the guy that scolded me is generally really nice and friendly. I kind of changed my opinion about him now. No one should tell no one to eat quicker. You know you can ruin your stomach by eating too quickly. So, yeah. That was really rude of him. But hey, why would anyone care what I think, right?
Anyway, we went out today again. Not clubbing, God save us, no. We went to the pub to hang out with our Birthday Girl (bitch day, - inside joke). It was quite fun, to be honest. Until, well, maybe one part. But meh, doesn't matter. As long as most of them loves me, I don't care about the others, right? Although it pisses me off that someone can't see me the way I am just because someone told them something. Well, you know what, fuck it. It's theirs choice and I won't let it affect my activities. Because, yes, my dears, I do hate hanging out with people when I know they don't want to see me. And since that social anxiety really gets to me, I am really careful with people. Like, if they look at me just once the wrong way, that's it. I'll think that it was totally my faut that they hate me and generally I will avoid them. Even if I do care about those people alot. That's how with my ex-best friend was. The one I had a fight with. Like, yeah, I was so mad I could literally stab her in her face, but deep down I still cared for her. I've been with her through her worse, through her best and I do care about it. And I know she did cared too. And because we were classmates and we still had about a month into our study time, we had to see each other and it was horrible. I didn't want to see her but at the same time I wanted to ask her if everything is alright. I saw that she wanted to do the same thing but the fact that we did fight kept us away. Anyway, the point is, it really hurts when you care about someone so deeply much and they don't want to talk with you. It kills me. And I am in very same situation right now, so guess how do I feel every time I think about this.
But hey! Happy thoughts, right?;3
So... yeah. Happy. Today was a really nice day. There was sunshine and nice customers, I hang out with my friends, I got nice cup of tea, everything is so perfect I couldn't ask for more, right?
Myliu jus, mano minionai x
And ^ this means that I love you, my minions. In Lithuanian. I really do love you. I have no idea who reads this but either way, knowing that I sort of talk out to someone makes me feel so much better. Thank you!

Gif from "codeinelord" - thanks for sharing!
I'd love to have so much money though ;/

No time to do anything!!

Oh, ok you guys...

I did really really wanted to surprise my friend by making her a cake (or pie, I don't see the difference) but I totally failed at m wish since I don't have much time left. I knew, I knew I should've went to the tesco after work to buy everything and make it first thing in the morning. And look at me now, sitting in my pyjamas at 3 pm. I have work in two hours so no way I'd be able to run to the store, get back and make everything. And I'll stay at my work until 11, so there will be no time to make one as she wants to go clubbing tonight. Hard student life, that's how I can describe it. I'd buy one from the store next to my work, but I hate spending a lot of money (knowing I need to go back to Lith on Christmas). Anyway, if anyone is up to help me with this, please, let me know asap, so I could tell every detail I've planned.
By the way, you Guys!... Ok, I forgot what I wanted to tell you. Oh well, I guess it wasn't that important then. It happens, right? Oh, yeah, right. So the #squad went out yesterday. From the messages I've seen in our chat I'm guessing it was really fun. Well, good for them. I actually am not even regretting I didn't go. And it's not sarcasm. I'd probably have ruined most of their fun. That's the person I am. But hey, does it matter... so yeah, what I did was watch "New girl" until 3 am in the morning. I still managed to wake up quarter to 1 am, so there is that. I love sleeping, I could do it with my eyes closed. Ha, good one. I've read it somewhere and I just remembered it and wanted to put it here. Anyway, guys, what are you planning to do this weekend?
Noe, on the more sad tune. I don't want to be the one that is pitied (that is the word pity but I have no idea if it exist as I wrote it down) but I do feel like I'm not it the #squad anymore. I mean, everyone around me looks like they have some secret or something and I'm the only one that doesn't know anything. And I know that some #squad members gets along more than others. And I'm the one that has no idea how to get along with any of them. I mean, we had such a good start, what happened? Is it me that ruins everything? Should I leave the #squad to make them more happy? Because I love them so much I could do it in the name of their happiness. Yeah, I am that dramatic. I do miss those evenings when someone would come to drink tea with me. I do miss our shopping trips to Primark where we could do stuff and laugh about it. I miss what we did apart going clubbing or drinking. There is so much more to do than that. Or are we just friends that hang out while drunk? Because I don't know if that counts as a friend. I need a friend that I could talk about everything. At least one of them. And even if I thought I found even two, now I don't, really. And I don't know if it's something I did or just... well, yeah, why would they change their behaviour towards me if I didn't do anything? Ugh, I'm always the one that screw things. I should stay in bed and pretend that I don't exist. That would be the best for all of us.
Anyway, happy thoughts!
No friends means no money spending, meaning more saving towards my journey to Lith!
Wow, that didn't sound so optimistic. I'd love to have friends.

Love you guys x

gif form "deanmichaelwinchester", yes, I do watch supernatural, and yes, I do love pies. If you don't believe me, see the first word of my blog name ;3

Tap tap tap

Hello, sweeties!

So, yeah, I didn't post anything yesterday. I just didn't feel like it. I did open my blog a few times, but just couldn't make myself do anything. Actually, I didn't know what to say. And I don't know what to say today. I just.... I don't know. I feel strange. I'm not sad, nooo, I'm singing the good parts of songs that my mp3 plays, but I'm not happy either. I mean, c'mon, I cleaned our kitchen area. And I did my laundry. And cleaned my room. I did a lot of cleaning today. That was never a good sign, but I'll pretend that it's not what I think it is. I do like to live in a clean area, so, of course, I did it because of that, right? Right? Oh, it's so hard.
I really want to bake something. Like, really badly. I always cheer myself up by making pie or something like that, but I'm really lazy to walk to Tesco or Lidl to buy what  I need. And while we're on the buying topic, I need to save as much money as I can, since I have no idea if I'll have work by the end of this year. When you think about it, it's 41 day left. Not that far, as it looked like before. I couldn't even notice how quickly November has went through. Everything is happening so fast!
So, the #squad just texted about going out. Damn, I love spending time with those bitches, but I'm working. Actually, that is just an excuse. To be really really honest, I don't want to go clubbing or drinking. Not that I'd be tired, please, I can pull all nighties and still be energetic if I really wanted to, but... ok, I don't know what to write after but. I just don't want, ok? And I'm planning on ignoring any texts for me about this going out because there are few people who has the ability to drag me out anyways. I'm just not in the mood, ok? I'd rather stay home with hot chocolate, some tv-series or good music and something else to do. I feel bored. And still I don't want to go buy stuff for the pie. Maybe it's the dish washing that I hate afterwards. Not that it would be hard, but it annoys me. Yes, there is hot water, which we didn't have back in Lith, but I still hate it. Especially when after baking a pie, there is baking tray that I need to wash separately. Anyways. What was I on about?
Oh, yeah, Christmas time! New Year! It comes so quickly. I can't wait for holidays, even though I'm still not sure what I'll do on them. Number one, of course, is going back to Lithuania, to see my family and probably cry my eyes out when I'll have to leave. Number two would be to stay here and work my ass of so I'd have something to live from. Number three... Number three would be go to my Godmothers place, or her sisters (auntie, living in March). But you know what? If I had another choice, they would still be the last one. Apparently the rumours about me, not being able to nanny her child went way overboard. Like, she told her mother, that is my grandmas friend, that I couldn't keep an eye on her son and "forgot" to tell the part where I had to do my assignments and I needed some quiet time. So yeah, in the end, I was the bad one, because poor boy had to wake up at half six and go to nanny's place. Well, you know what, I got a flu being at that place. So, yeah, apparently, that part of my family loves me when there is something out of it for them. Thank you, it really makes me feel better.

Anyways, my sun and stars, I'm gonna stop here and rest a bit before work x

gif from "summer-paradise-stavrixx", I adore it so much, thanks ;33

Inspiration time!

Guess who's in the library at this very moment!
Pretending to do any work.
Nope.

No, seriously, I don't feel any difference between sitting back at home, going through facebook and rpg forums and being in library and doing the same. Yeah, I know, I'm supposed to do homework, but... I've kind of did it? And oooh, I know the difference now! The chair here is so freaking uncomfortableeeeee. It's way better to be at home, on my chubby bed, resting my back into the wall or pillows and just, you know, chill. with the music in my room. And now all I hear is mumbling people around and I have phobia someone is standing behind me and reading this. Not that I'm not publishing it later anyway, but knowing how much I struggle with the grammar... seeing me right now should be quite fun. Plus, I really want to see if anyone wrote something about us on Yik Yak. Yes, I am that confident that someone watches us. Ok, that's not confidence, is it?
Anyway, as long as I did my work, I'm proud of myself. Like, really, I did a poem and I even like it. A little bit. Ok, alot. But I know it's not perfect. But as for the first try, it is. Totally. I rock this. I'll put it at the end of this post, cuz I want to make it a little longer without pressing too much "enter". So sweet of me, right?
Oh my, we just had like the totally awesome idea for original names. Ok, it's not an idea, it's just how you make ship names, but still.... Like, if I ship myself with someone named Alexander, our original name would be Judiander or Alexita. Damn it, sounds totally awesome. Guess who'll have new characters in her story! Oh, talking about story, sorry for not posting chapter 3, I still don't have it. But I do have an idea so when I'll be ready or I'll have nothing better to do, I promise to write it. Either way no one reads it, right? And I was banned by my dear friend to write creepy stuff, so I have to change my idea a little bit. Oh, what one can do for a best friend.... Anyway, let's not get away from my poem, k? It's a free verse, so, go on, judge it (DON'T DO IT I'LL BITE YOU).

Could you please not?

‘The hair looks awful,

Your clothes even worse.

The hell is this?

These shoes are more than horrifying;

Please tell me it‘s just to make me more smouldering.‘

Yes?

No?

Hell, how should I know?

I love my hair,          

Adore my clothes;

Please, walk in my shoes even for once.

Despiting this fact;

My stuff is just mine,

Why would you go through it;

 When no one has asked?    

Hugs and butterfly kisses from the library x

gif from "little--vampire", thanks for sharing this wonderful buterfly ;3

 

I don't know what's happening.

Wazzap.

So, yeah. My morning just started. Like, now. It's 1 pm. I feel like shit with my sore throat and headache. I tried, I really really tried to wake up for my workshop, but I couldn't.  My body didn't listen to me. So, yeah, I just woke up and I think I should go to the doctors because of how I feel. Damn, I should improve my immune system so I wouldn't get sick. I can't afford being sick, so... yeah. I'll pretend that being in my bed all day, drinking chamomile tea with honey will help me and I'll be alright tomorrow. I need to be better tomorrow, since I have like two lectures and a workshop and then work afterwards.
By the way, have I told you guys about my rpg stuff recently? I guess not. Well, nothing is really happening, so there is nothing to tell (lol), but I feel like I want to talk about it. Oh, no wait, I changed my mind. Let's talk about The Vampire Diaries and this seventh season. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?? It doesn't make any sense to me and I'm about to quit watching it. Bonenzo, really? REALLY??? They don't have any chemistry. They just don't. Actually, I'm hoping there is Kai in Enzo's body and that's why they made that ship. That would be a little better than actually make Bonnie and Enzo together. Just don't. They ruined the show enough, why make it even worse?? I don't even want to mention this Caroline thing, because it's just too ridiculous. I can't even.... I should probably watch The Originals, maybe they didn't fucked that show this much since it's just the third season.
Lol, I eat my breakfast the same way for almost a week now. Bread, sausages and coffee. And then something for dessert (Lithuanian candies, chocolate bar or chocolate roll). Perfect. If I continue to do this for another month, maybe I'll have space to buy and keep some eggs. I really need a mini fridge and I'm not sure if we're allowed to have one. Anyways, I shouldn't spend my money if I want to get back to Lithuania for Christmas. I mean, c'mon, it's really expensive. And I should quit my job for it, because when I asked, they said no one is closing for that time and the best they could do is a week and a half. That is way too little since my journey would take around twenty eight hours to one side. Of course I'm not going to fly, please, I'm not that rich. I'd go with the bus, so it'd take a lot of time. And I want to spend some time with my relatives, not go back, be there for two days and head back so I wouldn't miss my work. No, sir, I want to catch up with my family. Anyway, if I'd do that, I'm planning on making a surprise, so don't tell them (since I know they are not reading this, because they don't understand anything).

Have a good day, sweeties x

gif from "kiomine", thanks for sharing ;)

To sum everything up...

Guyyys!

Yesterday was awesome! Like, awesome awesome. There were a few parts I'd like to forget, but let's not focus about that. So, as you all know, or don't know, I was really emotional yesterday. Around 9 pm I've decided I do want to go out and since there was a plan to go clubbing, I went for it. Let me tell you just this - my dress was really tight. I regretted I put it on the minute I left my flat, but hey, it's for club, right? I'm glad I drank at home a little, because it was freezing outside with short sleeves. But I wasn't alone that was freezing, so there is that. When we reached this club, I kind of regretted going. It was midnight already and the queue was sooooo long! But yeah, we did our waiting (12 years in Azkaban) and when we got inside, I was kind of disappointed of what I saw. Ok, it was a hall, just an entry with the bar, but still. It didn't meet my expectations. At least music was the one I usually listen to if I want to dance, so that was good. Anyway, we bought drinks, my friend wanted to go for a smoke so we went to the smoking area. I had no idea why the guy who came to chit-chat and said he has a girlfriend winked and said see you later. Well, you are a weirdo if you think I'd help you cheat. Just so everyone knows. So, yeah, afterwards there was a lot of dancing and drinking and more dancing and some making-out until I surely knew I had too much to drink (I got a comment today, that I was an embarrassment. Sorry ;/). Anyway, the making out bit was quite strange since the guy that kissed me didn't know how to kiss at all. At least the girl did. Ok, tmi, moving on. So, yeah, after the club, around 3 am we decided to walk to Mcdonald's. Because what better way to end this day, right? So, there me and one of our #squad member kind of made-out with the guard (or is it bouncer? I'm not sure). He was cute, though. And even asked my number afterwards. But I'm not the one to do that. Not the drunk, apparently. So, yeah, we ate aloooot. At least I ate alot, because everyone had to wait for me. Sorry for that. Oh, and another girl felt really bad about that mini-scene and decided that this bouncer (or guard, I have no idea what's the difference) uses us, poor drunk girls, so she reported him. Not that he had alot of trouble, but when we were leaving he said something about it. I didn't quite heard, though. So, yeah, that's how I spent my Monday evening. It was absolutely crazy and fun and awesome and totally cool! Of course, that meant that I had like two hours of sleep and then had to get ready for our workshop. Good times, good times. I think our tutor totally understood what's happening, because I don;t believe my and my friends were sober at nine in the morning. But it's totally fine, he is cool.

Anyway, kids, don't go out on Mondays, even if it is fun. It's really hard to wake up the next morning. But tbh, worth it. Anyway, love you guys x

gif from "finallygingeryay", thanks for sharing it ;)

what? wait, sthaaap.

I have no idea how this day went so quickly!
Like, I just layed down on my bed, turned in 9gag and now it's half eight and I should start planning my next day! Where did my six hours went??? Like, seriously. This day is really strange. First my emotions and stuff, then this time lap... Maybe Mondays are not my days after all. Well, at least my mood is fixed and I'm kind of in a mood to go out tonight. I wonder if anyone else is. I should text someone, I just don't know whom. Maybe I should make a cake? I'd love to, but my fridge space is totally occupied with meat from Lithuania. Ahh, decisions decisions... What do you guys do when you have no idea what to do?? Please comment and let me know and oh, I should just go to sleep>:((

love you x

gif from "bigblueboo". sharing is caring, right? ;)

LOL dot

Guys...

I genuinely hate everyone today. Everyone. Without any exceptions. It makes me want to kill anyone I see today. And I have no idea why. Well, I have an idea, but c'mon, I can't blame my pms for my thoughts of killing everyone in most sadistic way possible. Half of my lecture today I imagined one guy drowning in his own blood. This chick in our lecture was smashing her face into escalator ending.... in my head, of course. So, yeah, I really hate everyone today. That's why I'm planning to stay in my bed all day, playing civ 5 or sims and just chill. Oh, yeah, I still need to do some homework, but it's like half an hour work, so I'll do it at some point. Idk, maybe I'm such an attention whore to think like this and even posting it online, but c'mon, how can human being be so annoying??? I want to do something but I probably shouldn't. Anyways, have I guys told you about this guy at my work yesterday that screamed something about food design for good five minutes to me? He was standing in front of our kitchen and he mumbled that rices should go in the box first and then the lamb and my exact words (not even to him, to my boss) were "may I ask if there is a difference how the food is served?" and that guy head turned me and he came close to me and started shouting that some people eat with design and some with their eyes and he has different background and some shit like that and I was really confused why he was so angry. Seriously, I asked if the food taste would be different and I got scolded. Even my boss mumbled something about watching my mouth after he went away. Gawd, people are really annoying sometimes. Can I strangle few of them so our world would be a better place?
Ok, now I just want to cry. Maybe because youtube played patd - northern downpour. I have way too many emotions to handle today. Fuck. Shit. I hate this. I should probably get back to bed and go to sleep. What's wrong with me today??? I think I know. I miss my family. I miss them so fucking much I could literally just pack my things and go back to Lithuania today. I miss them. I miss their hugs, I miss their voices, I miss them so much. Especially my Grandmother. Have I told you that she has cancer? It breaks my heart every time I see her on my screen. I want to kill myself every time I hear she's not feeling ok. I should've had stayed there. I should've had given her all the money I had so she could get the best treatment. I can't lose anyone anymore. I just can't. I know one of my aunts isn't feeling alright either. It might be the same thing for her. I can't. I just can't. I feel awful for leaving them there. I need them with me. I need to be with them. I miss all of them so much. I'm scared for them. I'm scared for myself. My auntie told me today, when we talked, that I talk differently. She said she can hear in my voice that I miss them too much. She said my sister is crying everyday saying she misses me. I need to sort something out. I need to do something.
And I don't get any hugs no more. You have no idea how much hugging means to me. How better it makes me feel after someone hugs me for a few seconds. I got a hug from a dear friend yesterday and I felt so good for the rest of the evening. And look at me now, crying like an idiot. Please give me a hug every time you see me. I love hugs and I will never refuse one.

hugs and butterfly kisses x

gif from "iglovequotes", thanks for sharing ;3 Now I'm reminded of how deeply I miss my cat ;/

Music in my room!

Oh you guys!

I'm so happy right now. Like, can't stop smiling. It's Sunday, I'm going to work in two hours, but my room is filled with my favourite music. I bought that cable I needed so I could enjoy fall out boys or panic at the disco and now I'm on my bed, writing this and listening to loud music. Oh God I'm so happy! I'm even a little scared that this happiness means something bad is about to happen. I'm becoming negative, that's not good. Smile Smile Smile! My stereo does this strange thing where it plugs off one of the stuff I don't know how to call and the music sounds really strange for a minute or so. Oh well, I'll better get used to this.
Uh, by the way, I've done pedicure for myself yesterday! I got back from work around 11 and I wasn't sleepy at all so I decided to treat myself a bit. I think I went to sleep around 2. Now all I need is nail polish and I'll be done with my foot. I'll probably screw everything if I'll to paint my toes but hey, I need to learn at some point.
Ok, so I was looking at the screen for a few minutes and I didn't know what to write. I have nothing to tell, damn it. Either way, I just wanted to brag about my stereo. Nothing else has happened yet so I'm not even sure what to write. My rpg stuff is kind of stuck now, so nothing to say about that. I haven't had any strange dreams, nothing big happened in my life for the past few days. I don't know. I feel so bored. Maybe because me and my #squad doesn't go out anymore. We are planning to go somewhere on Monday, but I'm not sure. To be honest I think something is wrong and I'm afraid to ask what is it. As a really self-conscious person, I think I did something and now they don't like me anymore and I'm just in our group chat because they pity me. Oh well, if that's the case, I'm just gonna pretend I don't think about it every day. I'm good at ignoring problems, trust me.
I should find a mixer to buy because I'm in a need of baking. Like, I find baking really relaxing. I don't need to think about stuff when I'm busy making a muffin or a pie or even a cake. I love baking, if I'm in the mood of it. I should ask if my flatmates has mixer. I'd bake a pie for them. I found this really tasty-looking recipe for lemon pie and I'm dying to try it out. If it's bad I'll eat it myself. If it's good, I'm gonna share it with my flatmates. Win Win situation, right?

Anyway, I have no idea what else to tell you guys, so I'm gonna stop here. Love ya x

gif from "therewasamouse", thanks for sharing ;3

Just some stuff from the past

A memory no child should have

Only light that was in this room was televisions. Teletubbies were on and this little girl sat on her Mums lap watching them. She was such a cutie talking about how she will celebrate her fifth birthday in fifteen days. Her Mum smiled to her and continued to feed a child with her favourite yogurt. The little girls father came into that room with a sad smile on his face. Of course she didn‘t notice it. She was watching teletubbies, her favourite show ever! That was until her father said her name. The little one turned her head to her lovely dad and smiled. She always smiled for them. Her mum and dad were the most precious people she had and she always reminded that to them by saying how much she loves them.

'Sweetie, I love you.'He said with a shaking voice. At that moment the little girl didn‘t understand there were tears in his eyes.

'I love you too, daddy. I‘m watching teletubbies. You want to join?' her childish voice was cheerful.

'No, sweetie. I came to say goodbye.'

'But where are you going?' she asked quite confused. They were supposed to go to sleep after teletubbies was over.

'Nowhere, sweetie. Nowhere.'He took his little girls hand and squeezed it a little bit.

After that his wife told him to quit acting strange and go take a shower. He smiled to her, said he loves her too, he said goodbye to both of them. And then he went to the bathroom.

The little girl doesn‘t remember what happened for the next twenty minutes. She only knows that her mum left room and next thing she heard was her mum screaming. Of course the kiddo was so curious she stood up on her feet and ran to the bathroom. He was laying there, on the ground with rope around his neck. His eyes were closed, his face so peaceful you could think he‘s sleeping. The second after the little girl saw this, her mum pushed her away and closed the doors hoping her precious daughter didn‘t see anything. But she did. And it haunted her for the rest of her life. That little girl is me and that is the first thing I remember from my childhood.