LOL dot

Guys...

I genuinely hate everyone today. Everyone. Without any exceptions. It makes me want to kill anyone I see today. And I have no idea why. Well, I have an idea, but c'mon, I can't blame my pms for my thoughts of killing everyone in most sadistic way possible. Half of my lecture today I imagined one guy drowning in his own blood. This chick in our lecture was smashing her face into escalator ending.... in my head, of course. So, yeah, I really hate everyone today. That's why I'm planning to stay in my bed all day, playing civ 5 or sims and just chill. Oh, yeah, I still need to do some homework, but it's like half an hour work, so I'll do it at some point. Idk, maybe I'm such an attention whore to think like this and even posting it online, but c'mon, how can human being be so annoying??? I want to do something but I probably shouldn't. Anyways, have I guys told you about this guy at my work yesterday that screamed something about food design for good five minutes to me? He was standing in front of our kitchen and he mumbled that rices should go in the box first and then the lamb and my exact words (not even to him, to my boss) were "may I ask if there is a difference how the food is served?" and that guy head turned me and he came close to me and started shouting that some people eat with design and some with their eyes and he has different background and some shit like that and I was really confused why he was so angry. Seriously, I asked if the food taste would be different and I got scolded. Even my boss mumbled something about watching my mouth after he went away. Gawd, people are really annoying sometimes. Can I strangle few of them so our world would be a better place?
Ok, now I just want to cry. Maybe because youtube played patd - northern downpour. I have way too many emotions to handle today. Fuck. Shit. I hate this. I should probably get back to bed and go to sleep. What's wrong with me today??? I think I know. I miss my family. I miss them so fucking much I could literally just pack my things and go back to Lithuania today. I miss them. I miss their hugs, I miss their voices, I miss them so much. Especially my Grandmother. Have I told you that she has cancer? It breaks my heart every time I see her on my screen. I want to kill myself every time I hear she's not feeling ok. I should've had stayed there. I should've had given her all the money I had so she could get the best treatment. I can't lose anyone anymore. I just can't. I know one of my aunts isn't feeling alright either. It might be the same thing for her. I can't. I just can't. I feel awful for leaving them there. I need them with me. I need to be with them. I miss all of them so much. I'm scared for them. I'm scared for myself. My auntie told me today, when we talked, that I talk differently. She said she can hear in my voice that I miss them too much. She said my sister is crying everyday saying she misses me. I need to sort something out. I need to do something.
And I don't get any hugs no more. You have no idea how much hugging means to me. How better it makes me feel after someone hugs me for a few seconds. I got a hug from a dear friend yesterday and I felt so good for the rest of the evening. And look at me now, crying like an idiot. Please give me a hug every time you see me. I love hugs and I will never refuse one.

hugs and butterfly kisses x

gif from "iglovequotes", thanks for sharing ;3 Now I'm reminded of how deeply I miss my cat ;/