I mean, I feel happy around my person, but he's probably the only person that makes me smile. Everything else just stresses me out and its terrible. I actually raised my voice at work today. You have no idea how guilty I felt. Like, I never lose my temper in front of someone else. It's me we're talking about, I'm that cold heart bitch that can stay calm whenever she wants to. But maybe today it was just because I haven't slept properly. Or maybe my hormones are fucking up because of the pill I took. Anyway, I'm not feeling quite myself these days.
Even now, I feel so disappointed just because I wont see my baby tonight. I mean, he was with me all night yesterday, so I should not be complaining, but what can I do. I'm super clingy. I've started thinking that maybe he's getting bored of me. After all, no one can stay with me for a long time after realising what a crazy bitch I am. I'm anxious, I know. It's stupid, but what can I do. I cant just tell him 'listen, babe, I feel like you've started avoiding me' - that sounds super clingy and desperate. We both have our own lives, right? Plus I have work tonight, so it's pretty understandable why he's not at my place at the moment. Anyway. I'm thinking about this too much, I know.
But yeah, I spend most of my time with him. Its either him or work or sleep. I dont mind, you know? At least I have someone I completely trust and want to stay around at all times. I still earn my money and it's amazing to be able to afford everything I want. Oh yeah, we do fight about paying for stuff. I honestly hate that he wants to pay for everything. I dont think thats fair, so whenever I have a chance, I'm annoying him by paying. I mean, he does drive me everywhere and he comes over all the time, petrol is expensive, so I feel like I should somehow at least make him spend less on me. Yes, I'm a diva, I love when people spoil me, but honestly, if he's gonna spend money on me, I'll get back at him by spending money on him.
I keep talking about him, aren't I? It's probably because he means the world to me now. Did I tell you how ironic something is? He's birthday is on the second of February. Same month and day my Dad left us. How strange is that? I mean, is that destiny or something? Because I do believe in that stuff, you know. I believe in destiny, I believe in karma, I believe that if you say something defo wont happen, it will defo happen. So pregnant jokes are not funny anymore, dont let me even get on that topic, for God's sake.
Anyway, I gotta go get ready, talk to you later my people ;*
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