My life is so great right now I'm scared something majorly bad is coming my way. I finally have a boyfriends whom I actually love, I have great teams at work and even though we don't really hang out outside workplaces, I know they care about me.
I've decided to leave my bartending job. Werehouse offered me a fulltime position there while I'm studying and I can't pass on that kind of money. I do love my job as a bartender. I love the place I work at, I love people I work with. They've became super important people in my life. And my boss was telling me how much they care about me and it doesn't matter if I leave or not, they're still here for me if I ever need anything. You have no idea how hard I tried not to cry when he said they're my family. I mean, they sort of are. In the last year, the whole year I worked there I changed to so much and they saw those changes. They saw me when I was in a pretty bad shape, they saw me being inlove and heartbroken. They saw me on my mood swings and in my sicknesses. They basically know everything about me. And I feel so so bad for leaving them. I'm definitely gonna miss this place. But hey, if I have my saturday nights off, why not pop there from time to time, right? I mean, I could still enjoy my night out there, even if the music is not something I would prefer on my night out. But hey, I can adapt.
To be fair, while we were talking yesterday, my boss gave some great advices about relationships as well. I mean, I knew pretty much everything that he told me, but hearing it from someone actually got me thinking about everything more. Like, yes, my aunts are talking to me about it as well, but it's not the same as sitting in front of someone hearing them explaining everything. Such a father figure, honestly :D but I respect my boss so much (no, I'm not writing this just because I know you read it!!)
anyway. My boyfriend. Yes. He's amazing. I was told it's just the beginning and I have no idea whom I'm in relationship with, but for me, it just... I just feel great around him. I feel like I can be goofy, I can be my childish myself, I can just act freely and he loves it. I love being able to be myself. I love the way we talk, I love the way we spend time together, everything seems perfect. Yes yes, nothing is perfect, but for me, he is. I tell you guys I've never had a boyfriend before. I haven't. Not the real one. When I was about 14, something like that, there was this guy who messaged me and asked me to meet up with him. He lived in a village where my Mum worked, so one day I just went to Her work with Her and I went to meet up with him. At the end of the day he asked if I could be his girlfriend and I was like sure why not. He started acting like he loves me already, talking about how much he loves me and shit and I could never make myself say it back unless I wasnt looking him in the eyes and I was crossing my fingers meaning I was telling lies. I'm that kind of person that doesnt want to hurt peoples feelings, ok? But anyway. He started acting stupid, calling me pretending to be drunk, gave my number to his friends so they could call me and pretend to flirt with me or however you call it and one of them said 'oh listen he just fell down the stairs, he's drunk and we cant call the ambulance because he's underage and so on. I got so fucking worried I woke my Mum up saying this is happening and She called his supervisor (he lived in an orphanage) and she said he's in his room, with his friends, just having fun. OOOOOHHHHH you should have heard how much I shouted on him. I told him its over, he should never ever talk to me again, that he wouldnt even dare to look my Mum in the eyes because She know what a jerk he was and so on. I've never ever kissed him as well. We were holding hands, yes, we had that small little kiss where you just peck on the lips, but thats it. That's why I dont think that was relationship. That's not how it works, right? Because on top of all that, I still had a crush on my boy best friend. I was a complicated kid, ok? I just needed to feel loved. Anyway. I do remember I had a chance to come back to him for what he did on an international Women's day like a year later. I was super tired that morning because the night before we had a class celebration or something, so I was showering and shit when I got a message from him, asking for me to come outside. I was like what do you want, I'm still mad on you, and he said he's sorry and he wants to talk. So I open my flat door, there he is, dressed nicely, with a flower in his hand, smiling. You know what I did? I told him I dont need his apologies, I dont need his flowers and I closed the doors right in front of his face. My Grandma was in the flat with me that time and she just laughed for good ten minutes what a bitch I am. I mean, in a good way. But anyway. Later on I had to go to my friends, so I walked outside and he was still sitting by the entry. I totally ignored him, he tried to follow me in the shop, but I didnt even look at him. And that was the last time I saw him.
So when I say I don't have any experience how relationship works, I mean I have no idea how adult relationship works. He was such a kid, I was so naive and this just doesnt count in my mind. And now I do have a boyfriend who actually cares about me, he doesn't lie to me, he makes sure I'm always ok, I'm always happy and whenever I have a problem, he always notices that something is wrong. This. This is what I call relationship. You don't make someone stress because you want to see how they would react. You dont laugh when they get really concerned about your wellbeing, you dont lie about it. That's why I love the way my boyfriend treats me. He's amazing. He makes me feel like I want to try to be a better person. I want to make him happy and I want us to be happy.
Anyway, yes, my life is great now. Everything is going nicely, I don't have even one thing to complain about and this is as calm as I've been in a long, like, a very long time. I cant tell you how much this means to me. I guess you did notice, that last year wasn't great at all for me. Fingers crossed, now it's my time.
Love you lots, guys xx
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