Netflix&chill

Hey guys!

You have no idea how much I laughed yesterday because of some fuckboy. Like, everyone who knows me knows I have a pretty dirty mind. Like, seriously, I could probably make anything sound dirty.
I know that with this it is really easy to mistake me for someone who would sleep around, have one night stands and just, you know, be naughty (oh my God that word makes me laugh). I have people telling me they can't believe I'm a virgin and I kinda see why. Like, you guys know I don't really try to hide the fact I've never had a boyfriend/girlfriend.

But yesterday... oh my Gosh yesterday was the best. I wish I could put screenshots up here, but it's way too much to hide (like names and stuff). But to sum it up, one of my ex-colleagues started messaging me. Like, we chat from time to time, nbd, but yesterday was just too much. He was talking about chilling together and it was highly confusing because we all know what chilling means these days. I even asked him does he mean chill chill or like netflix and chill and he said whatever I want. So I told him my housemates are in the house, if he wants to chill chill we're watching a movie and he's more than welcome to join us. And then he started saying it would be awkward to sit there when he only knows me and he'd rather be only with me like, in my room. Honestly, when I got that message my abs hurt from all the laugh (oh, plus my besties comments, because she obvs got ALL the screenshots). I said it's either chilling in a group or nothing and he kindly said no. And then like 10-15 mins later said I still haven't responded if I wanna chill with him. By that point he started to be annoying af so my friends helped me to finish the conversation and we've decided to make some brownies to pass the time. Somewhere in the middle of eating our dessert he messaged me again but it was just past all the fun time and my bestie was in bed at that time, so boring. But he did say it's the last time he's inviting me to chill. Hm, good.
 
Anyway, the moral of this is that he kept reminding me I had dirty mind and that he was sure I'm a naughty girl and stuff like that. Disgusting. Maybe that's why I can't find normal guys. I either attract weirdos, fuckboys or get a normal guy to ignore me (yes, my Skype friend, I am talking about you).

I'm 20 already. It's getting kinda sad to know I've never had this so called significant other. I mean, it's me to blame, but at the age of 20 my Mum already had me and my Aunties had my cousins. What have I accomplished by this age? Went half way through my University course and got myself into 27k debt for studies. Sounds like a dream, right?

Anyway, gotta go now. Love you still a lot xx

gif from 'heartbreakers-cheaters-fakers' and yes, it is for a fuckboy.

I think I'm ready to try this relationship thing

Trustie

You know I have major trust issues, right?

I don't trust people, everyone looks suspicious until I decide otherwise. It's really hard, but this has to do with my heart being broken by people close to me. Even then I learned to forgive them (what kind of stupid am I?) but the result - I'm more careful about people I surround myself with.
And now I found someone I kinda love messaging to. I haven't seen him in real life, I haven't skyped or even talked to him, but I feel great. We sent some selfies to each other, but when I talked to my friends about it, they said he sounds too good to be true. They said I should ask for his social media, but he says he doesn't like using it because it reminds him of his ex too much. My friends said it's a lame excuse. I'm so confused.

I feel like I can trust him, you know? But whenever I talk to my friends, I start having doubts and I'm not sure if I should try and start trusting people again or should I stay suspicious until proven otherwise? I should probably talk to my life advisors - my aunties to see what they think about this. But then again, I really dont want to get their expectations up - literally my family thinks I'm going to end up alone so whenever I even mention guys name they're like 'OK TELL US EVERYTHING WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?' or smth like that.
I'm freaking 20 now and I still haven't had someone to call my boyfriend/girlfriend. When 15 year old kids already have like 3-4 relationships. I'm not saying it's good, but you know what? My 20year old as is freaking jealous.

Anyway, I just wanted to get it out there, if you have any advice for me, pleeeeease tell me. I'm really confused :(

gif from 'vismaviedevie' ;3

I wanna learn to love myself as much as Kanye West loves Kanye West

Chill~

Hey guys!

I've just came to tell you that I've been so happy and relaxed since my birthday. I got rid of negative people in my life, I've started thinking about dating, I remembered why I love writing so much and it's just been an awesome time.
I'm not even sure why I felt like writing to my blog about it, I have to admit, I kinda forgot what it made me feel while writing blog. Even now I'm sitting here, looking at the screen and I have no idea what I would like to say.

I'm thinking about going back to Lithuania for summer. Maybe for a month or so, depends when will I know whether I was accepted for university that I've wanted. Erasmus sounds like a really interesting opportunity, but whenever I start thinking about it, it makes me realize that I'll have to start everything from the scrap. I won't have a job, I won't know the language, what if it's not going to be what I wanted? Plus it would mean I'd have to come back here for another year to finish my degree so I wouldn't finish with my current coursemates.

Anyway, I'm not sure what else could I say, so I'll just finish it up now.

Love you guys x

gif from 'dailyskyfox' :33