hi guys ;3
I'm here today because... because I was talking with my best friend about her boy problems because she's not exactly sure if she likes this guy or not. I turned my 'lemme interrogate you' mode and started a random questionnaire for her, making sure she'd answer precisely to what I asked. And at the same time I did this to myself, answering every question about the guy I fancy. It was... it was interesting, let me tell you. She did answer most of the questions, but if I'm being honest, I'm not sure she totally likes him. And I don't want to assume (from what she told me) that he likes her, but you know how it is with friends - I really hope he does like her. Just so she could feel better if she realises she doesn't like him after all. I mean, I don't know. I've never been in a relationship before and I don't know how it works and it really confuses me. And I've realised I don't want to date at the moment and I know she wants to so it's really really hard to advice her.
I'm getting confused. I really wanna talk about her but at the same time I just want to be selfish and write about myself. I got used that everything revolves around me. I mean, I know it doesn't but I mean, I'm a self-centred person and I care mostly just about myself. And if you judge me for that, I pity you. I love myself and I'm proud of it.
but yeah, I had a break before I finished those few sentences before. So now I'm on another mood and we're still going to talk about me.
Ok, so. haha. so. Yeah. um... work? work. I've been to work yesterday. And I'm sure I've mentioned it before, but I'm gonna repeat myself and say that every night there is at least one guy who tries to ask me out. And I'm flattered that they think I'm attractive enough to be asked out when club is full of drunk girls who would love to go out with them. At least for that night. But while I'm at work, my response is always "I have a boyfriend, sorry' or not even sorry. And on Saturday I somehow told a guy (probably because he works there as a promo) that I'm a lesbian. Boooooyyyy you should have seen him. He got passive aggressive trying to persuade me that I should try his dick before becoming a full-time lesbian. He was so rude I wanted to slap him (I had to take a break, I was so furious). I mean, one is to ask for my number, but it's another thing to actually think I'd sleep with someone when I told them I don't like them. Like, he asked 'wait, so don't you like me?' and I was like 'no' and he still continued to talk about how I'm not supposed to be a lesbian. Fucking homophobe. And I thought he was gay.
but yeah, as I mentioned before, I don't want to date at the moment. I don't know why, but I just don't. I'm happy as I am, being able to smile to guys at the bar for tips and don't feel guilty that this action might make someone who likes me feel uncomfortable. Gosh, what am I talking about, no one likes me. I'm too childish and immature and quiet and bitchy for anyone to keep up with me.
wow, I really don't like myself today, do I? To be fair, I thought about everything so much for the past few days. About my crush, about my life, about dating and about my life decisions. I feel so stupid for most of them. I wish I had someone whom I could talk with about this. I obviously cant tell it to my aunts or anyone in my family, because they told me in the first place to not do what I did and then I don't want to talk about this with my best friend because I know she'd think about this too much. My casual friends are not in that level to hear about this yet, so I'm left with myself. Ah, you have no idea how I wish my Mum was with me right now.
ok, feels came in, I gotta go.
' thanks
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