so this is happening atm

So

hi guys ;3

I'm here today because... because I was talking with my best friend about her boy problems because she's not exactly sure if she likes this guy or not. I turned my 'lemme interrogate you' mode and started a random questionnaire for her, making sure she'd answer precisely to what I asked. And at the same time I did this to myself, answering every question about the guy I fancy. It was... it was interesting, let me tell you. She did answer most of the questions, but if I'm being honest, I'm not sure she totally likes him. And I don't want to assume (from what she told me) that he likes her, but you know how it is with friends - I really hope he does like her. Just so she could feel better if she realises she doesn't like him after all. I mean, I don't know. I've never been in a relationship before and I don't know how it works and it really confuses me. And I've realised I don't want to date at the moment and I know she wants to so it's really really hard to advice her.
I'm getting confused. I really wanna talk about her but at the same time I just want to be selfish and write about myself. I got used that everything revolves around me. I mean, I know it doesn't but I mean, I'm a self-centred person and I care mostly just about myself. And if you judge me for that, I pity you. I love myself and I'm proud of it.

but yeah, I had a break before I finished those few sentences before. So now I'm on another mood and we're still going to talk about me.

Ok, so. haha. so. Yeah. um... work? work. I've been to work yesterday. And I'm sure I've mentioned it before, but I'm gonna repeat myself and say that every night there is at least one guy who tries to ask me out. And I'm flattered that they think I'm attractive enough to be asked out when club is full of drunk girls who would love to go out with them. At least for that night. But while I'm at work, my response is always "I have a boyfriend, sorry' or not even sorry. And on Saturday I somehow told a guy (probably because he works there as a promo) that I'm a lesbian. Boooooyyyy you should have seen him. He got passive aggressive trying to persuade me that I should try his dick before becoming a full-time lesbian. He was so rude I wanted to slap him (I had to take a break, I was so furious). I mean, one is to ask for my number, but it's another thing to actually think I'd sleep with someone when I told them I don't like them. Like, he asked 'wait, so don't you like me?' and I was like 'no' and he still continued to talk about how I'm not supposed to be a lesbian. Fucking homophobe. And I thought he was gay.
but yeah, as I mentioned before, I don't want to date at the moment. I don't know why, but I just don't. I'm happy as I am, being able to smile to guys at the bar for tips and don't feel guilty that this action might make someone who likes me feel uncomfortable. Gosh, what am I talking about, no one likes me. I'm too childish and immature and quiet and bitchy for anyone to keep up with me.
wow, I really don't like myself today, do I? To be fair, I thought about everything so much for the past few days. About my crush, about my life, about dating and about my life decisions. I feel so stupid for most of them. I wish I had someone whom I could talk with about this. I obviously cant tell it to my aunts or anyone in my family, because they told me in the first place to not do what I did and then I don't want to talk about this with my best friend because I know she'd think about this too much. My casual friends are not in that level to hear about this yet, so I'm left with myself. Ah, you have no idea how I wish my Mum was with me right now.

ok, feels came in, I gotta go.

gif from '

50-shades-of-fuucked-upp

' thanks

I'm giving some credit for trying. lol

Hello hello hello hello!

How are you this very fine evening? Hope you're well ;3

I have like 50 minutes until I have to go to work, so obviously I've decided to remember what it's like to casually write my blog. Or truth to be told, I'm so bored and everything I think of takes more than an hour to do (staring at my games folder). I already did my make up and my hair, I know what I'm going to be wearing (cant be arsed to look better than average) so nothing else to do, really.

You know what I haven't told you yesterday? About some random dude who messaged me on instagram. I get messages there and they usually start with 'do you wanna see me masturbate?' and I obviously ignore them, but this one was a bit more interesting. He said my insta looks really cool (yeah, obviously, it's mostly my selfies) and he asked if I ever been a model or a blogger (HEYYY, did both!). He was looking for models for his new company or something, I still don't exactly get it, but yeah, well, what he said was he really thinks I would be a really good investment. Like, he promised he'd make me famous and stuff. Aah, good laugh, right? So I obviously said yeah, sounds interesting, because who would say no to being famous. To show how interested I am I asked his name and he literally said just his first name, which I could have figured out from his insta account. I asked about his last name and he ignored me. Then I asked if he has facebook so I could check him out or any website about what he's doing or generally anything about what he was talking about and guys, guess what. He said 'oh, nothing is ready yet and I don't have facebook'. What kind of a guy doesnt have facebook and works with advertisement? I was crying how funny it had become. And obviously I still rolled with it. I was like 'oh, no problem, send me some of your work examples through email' and blah blah. Then he started giving me compliments. One after another and so on. He was like 'I bet you hear a lot of compliments every day' and I was like 'Yeah, but the only compliments I really care about are my boyfiend's' - you know, to see if he'd stop flirting and act professional. Ha, you wish. He said my boyfriend is a lucky guy and then he asked about my size (as in let's get back to talk about modelling) and I told him I'm 10/12. I shit you not, his response was 'ah, so you have a huge ass, nice'. Ass. He said ass. not even a butt - ass. Then he started talking when he could see my figure in real life and I was stupid enough to tell him that he should come over to the club I'm working if he wants to see me. He was like 'so wouldn't your boyfriend mind if I'd check you out?' and I responded with 'well, I get checked out at the club by a lot of people and I can't do anything about it.' but he didn't stop here, no. He was like 'oh, but I wouldn't just check you out, I'd dance with you, maybe' and I reminded him I'd be working and I wouldn't dance with any other guy than my boyfriend, so he somehow forgot about the idea of visiting that club. Then, oh my, then he said 'we should meet up sometime for a drink'. I told him I don't drink and then he mentioned coffee and business meeting o talk about modelling and stuff. At that point I was literally dying how funny it was and I responded that I'd love it. Then he asked what me and my bf are doing this weekend, I said my bf is travelling atm and he suggested to come over to keep me company. By that point it was about time for me to go for a nap before work so I told  him he's not being professional and if he wants to work with models, he should really pull himself together. He apologised, said he'll text me later and I went to sleep.
I mean, I have to give credit to this guy, he actually started with something more than 'watch me masturbate'. But gosh it was funny. I know it's not smart to mess with people like that because I can end up in a really bad situation, but yesterday I just couldn't help myself, it was so freaking funny xD

But yeah, after that, I posted on facebook, wait let me find it, 'I've reached the point where I have to lie about having S.O. just so I could make someone stop flirting with me. And then there is always someone who says "oh, but I don't mind you having a bf". Babe, I don't care that you don't mind. I mind. And my imaginary boyfriend does.'  and I shit you not, like two hours after that my auntie gave me a lecture on being immature and childish and attention seeker because I posted it. Let me get this straight, I'm not even denying that I am an attention whore. And I'm pretty sure everyone knows it. I love when people know about me. I love being in the centre of attention, even if I hate crowds. I love getting attention. And I don't know why she thinks it's so bad. I'm pretty sure she monitors what I'm doing more than she monitors what her daughter does and it pisses me off. I'm an adult, ok? (no I'm not). Well, at least I'm legally an adult and I'm pretty sure I can make my own decisions. And you can give me your opinion if I ask for it. I never asked someone to point out that I'm not mature. I know that, I'm not denying that. If anything changes, I'll let everyone know.

Ok, that got me angry, sorry. Next topic. Um.... ok, I don't know what to talk about anymore. Oh, right, the restaurant called, I'm going there tomorrow around two for a birthday party. Like, yay, money, but after that it's going to be a huge party at the club and I'm working there as well, so guess who's going to be dead by Monday morning? *raising my hand* and I told this to the very same auntie who then gave me a lecture about being too tired and not healthy. I reminded her that I need money and then after a while she said that I'm doing good trying to work as much as possible. Like, can someone translate what does she want from me? Because I can't figure her out.

I should go and eat something before work. I still have some time left, but I'm getting sleepy by sitting in one place. I hope you guys are having a great evening, because I'm sure I will ;3

love you lots and even more xx

gif is from 'haidaspicciare'
I saw it and I was like 'yaaaas, she wears a crown and she laughs, that's so me. A princess. meeee~'
thanks for the this ;3

Me and the future don't talk, ok?

Hi guys ;3

Yes, I know, I know I haven't posted in a while. I don't even have an excuse apart being lazy. Or maybe I was just not in the mood to talk? Oh well, either way, sorry. Now I'm here ;3

I think the last time I wrote here was when guys were over, right? Well, they're gone now. Gosh, the last one was gone on the Monday night. That's quite some time from now since it's Friday. Yeah, I did abandon my blog ;/

I don't know where to start, to be honest. There is so much and at the same time, nothing to tell. You're probably interested how was my week with guys. Well, it was nice. Awesome. Idk, I really liked to have some company in the house. Like, it's much better than being alone, but then again, last two days were pretty much as if I was alone anyway. It was only one of them left at my house (because believe it or not, others have jobs lol) but he spend literally all the time on his laptop. I joined him on watching tv-series, but we didn't talk much. I don't know how to express myself, but I enjoyed sitting besides him doing nothing. Like, I don't know, he's that kind of friend where you can just sit quietly and it's still nice. But one thing is still bothering me. I mean, I'm pretty sure I'm exaggerating everything, but I think he thought I'm clingy. Why? Because I was trying to get a pillow from him and he pulled it to his side and I leaned on him and the way he pushed me back and said 'don't' wasn't very nice. It actually hurt, not even emotionally, but physically. But then again, we carried on watching show as if nothing happened.
And then a few hours before he was supposed to leave we were sitting in the living room, just chilling, as always, and he started talking about spiders. Like, maybe he just wanted to tease me before leaving for month, I don't know. And while I was frowning (because spiders are disgusting) he laughed. That would have been fine, but he asked me about my future, like, what are my plans with my degree after I finish uni and when I said I'm not sure, he started laughing that I'm gonna be in a debt for my whole life and I'm not even sure why I picked this degree. I don't know why I didn't defend myself and said that I love English language and that' why I want to study it, but I just sat there quietly while he was mocking me. It actually hurt pretty badly. Like, I'm at that stage in life where I've realised that I didn't plan my future even for a bit. I live in this moment and I'm fine with it. But as I was talking with my other friend, he asked what I imagine doing in like 5 years. I honestly have no answer to that. I didn't even think about getting as far as I am now. And when someone laughs about me, not thinking about the consequences of what I chose really hurts. It's not like I'm the only one who will have this degree and if he doesn't know what I can do in my field, doesn't mean he can laugh about it. But yeah, it hurt pretty badly and I went all quiet after that, I got into my phone. I;m not sure if he realised how much he hurt me by laughing but after that he tried to make me laugh by talking about spiders again. I wasn't having any of it, but the thing is, when someone starts to tickle me, I can't not laugh Even if I hit him and said to not touch me, he still did.
I thought I'm gonna be crying when he'll leave, but honestly, after what he said I was glad he is gone. Living with him for ten days was a bit too much. And I was wondering what would it be like to live with guys. Fun, but horrible at the same time. But yeah, I didn't even hug any of the guys goodbye. I kind of regret it, but hey, they didn't deserve a hug. Hugs are special.

Anyway, I'm talking about this too much. I don't want to remember it (even though I think about it so much every day). Next topic. I've downloaded Aion again. It's like the coolest game ever and I spent last two or three days playing it. My friends suggested downloading Tera and I did, but I wasn't very impressed by its controls. I like Aions better, much more comfortable. I wish I had someone to play aion with, since it's getting kind of boring to be there by myself, but I suppose everyone has their own stuff to do.

Oh, right. Our shower broke. Like, lol, I went in there the day before yesterday and I turned it on, but no hot water was running, I went to check the meter and apparently I ran out of gas to have warm water. Well, not a problem. But then guess what. I get back to the bathroom to turn the water off and... I can't. literally. I turned the handle back and forth but it did nothing. I called Sulets and they told me to turn the water off. I told them I'm not doing that because I need water for food and drinks. They suggested to leave it during the night, because they couldn't get anyone to come there the same day. I was like 'yeah, no problem, either way it's not me who's paying the bill, right?' and they got more concerned and somehow, magically, they got someone to come in the same day. They turned the shower off, but they said we defo need the new one. So yeah, I went to the office yesterday to get my gas card topped up and they told me to wait for them to get the new shower. I smiled, obviously, and nodded, and said it's fine. What else could I do. But now every day I have to take a bath (not that I complain, I love it) but that's just wasteful. I use so much water. Not that I'm paying for it, but still.

But yeah, that pretty much sums up how my life is going on here. My neighbours are still really loud, especially in the mornings, when I'm trying to sleep, I still have shit ton of spiders here and yeah, pretty much that's it. I can't believe it's almost a month when I'm here. It feels like a week or something.

By the way, I finally topped up my phone, so I can text now. Awesome ;3

And I'm gonna stop here, I've noticed that this became quite a long post. Talk to you soon (I hope)
Love you lots and lots xx

 gif from 'astrology-gifs' blog. I love 'How I met your mother' - I should watch it again ;3 thanks ;)

#goals

Hi guys!

You've probably been wondering where did I disappear. Well, I haven't been anywhere, but I've always had company and I hate writing my blog when someone is watching me. Even if it's boys. They've been staying at mines for a few days and I absolutely loved it. Obviously, there were downsides, but c'mon, I've spent time with them and it's awesome. I missed this so much ^-^
To be fair, there is nothing to tell you. We drank pretty much every night, they went to casino, we annoyed my neighbours with music and that's pretty much it. Oh, but you know what's new? Haven't kissed any of them since Saturday! I'm so proud of myself. Well, to be fair, there was no leads to anything romantic (apart talking how expensive condoms are). We didn't even play anything. Just chillin' and talkin'. They've been taking a lot of pictures of what we did but God forbid anyone would see them. Or maybe that's just me, being scared I don't look good because I wasn't wearing make up and I had my 'stay-at-home' clothes. But all in all, everything was good. I love them so much ;3

Ok, I'm out of ideas of what to talk about. Seriously, I spent too much time around them and haven't thought of anything important for days now. You know, I'm usually the quiet type in the group, but that doesn't mean that when I open my mouth nothing good comes out of it. It's just I prefer to listen than to talk. Maybe it's my problem and I don't know how to fix it. Like, now I'm staying just with one of them now and we haven't said more than a few words to each other. I mean, it doesn't bother me, I could stay quiet for hours with him and it wouldn't bother me. Plus, he was watching something so that's another reason to stay quiet.

But anyway - I came to tell you guys I'm still alive and well, I just don't have anything to talk about. Ha, I probably got used to people talking to me, not me to them. Well, I'm gonna train myself to talk with you guys again, don't worry.

Love you lots and lots x

gif is from 'holuprollup' thanks ;3 but no, seriously, my boys are #squadgoals I don't know if it's possible to have a better gang than them c(:

Miss Moody

I'm feeling awesome, how about you guys?;3

To be fair, I can ruin my mood really quickly. I'm so good at this. Literally I woke up so happy and enthusiastic and ready to conquer the world and after a bit I was laying on the sofa thinking that I hate everything.

But let's not talk about this. It's too boring and dark and I don't want that. Today is a good day, the sun is shining, the duvet is drying outside and I'm feeling good. Why wouldn't I feel good, I'm alive, I'm healthy and I have friends who love me. I can't remember if I told you this, guys, but when I was sitting with my boys that night/morning, one of them kept saying how happy they are to have me as their friend and that they appreciate me so much. I felt so good after that. I haven't felt that way in a while, you know. I mean, as you know, it's really hard for me with that term 'friends'. Ech, I suppose 2013 wasn't  good year for me. But look at me, three years later, I'm still here and I'm still fighting for my place under the sun. And I've started talking with my ex-best friend from time to time, so that's really nice.

Oh, talking about best friends, I'm pretty sure I'm annoying mine. For the past few days all I could talk about was me and I kept bugging her thorough the day with my messages about anything and everything. I don't know how she still talks with me, but I'm glad she does. I need someone to share everything. I was thinking of calling my aunt and telling her everything that has happened to me as well, but I mean, you guys understand the obvious reasons why I shouldn't do that. I wish I could talk with my Grandma privately, She always gives the best advice about boys and She'd never judge me.

What's more? Um... Boys came over yesterday to study. I tried staying awake with them, but I gave up around 3 am. Maths at that time is just too much for me. Even if I did understand most of it (look at me, hanging out with engineer students, I'm becoming smarter [or not]) counting and listening to them counting was just, you know, exhausting. When I woke up, which was around midday, they were in their spots, still doing maths. I asked, they said they went to sleep for a few hours and then got back to do their projects or whatever they were doing. One of them had an exam today, I'll need to ask how it went later. But let me be honest, I came down to the living room where they were and first thing that came to my mind is that they look like zombies. They barely noticed when I walked past them and said good morning.

After they went to do their stuff at the campus, I got my music on so loud I couldn't hear myself and sang for a bit. I felt like singing. Then I put my duvet for a wash and then I laid on the sofa again and now I'm sitting on the ground, drinking tea and writing this. While I was writing I laughed, I sang, I danced and I wanted to cry. I mean, I think I know what's coming up, please, ignore my mood swings.

Anyway, I think I'm tired to sit up so I'm gonna go lay on the sofa again and check facebook or something on my phone. Yeah, I have the best life ever, right?

Love you x

I've tried to find the 'everything is awesome' from the lego movie gif, but that will do haha ;3
thanks, 'mutant-101' for it ;3

Adventures of the night

Hello everyone ;)

How are you guys doing this fine day? Because I have a headache :| well, to be fair, I'm not surprised, I drank tequila, red wine and white wine and I know that I shouldnt' be mixing drinks. I haven't drank in a while and I know I said I wouldn't drink anymore, but who can resist when I have two friends who are drunk most of the time? That doesn't sound nice, but we're students, we're allowed. But yeah, yesterday was really fun :3

my lithuanian friend got back for a few weeks from lithuania and he needed a place to stay for one day before he could get his keys to his place, so he obviously came over. I've missed him so much, honestly. I mean, we all know whom I'm talking about, right? But anyway, he came over, we chatted for a bit, we called a few of our friends to chat and after that we just made mess around the house by running around and tickling each other. I mean, it was so fun! For quite some time. He obviously took advantage because I'm a cute weak little thing and I was gasping for air for most of the time. Add that I'm really, like, so very ticklish and you can imagine what happened. I didn't get enough sleep as well, so when I had to go to work (oh, right, around 8 another one of our friend came over to keep him company while I was at work) I was sooooo tired. I couldn't stop yawning, even if I wouldn't change how the day went for anything. But yeah, they walked me to my workplace, we went to McDonalds to grab something to eat before that and then they went home while I was working.
AAAh, it was so busy, but I loved it so much! I didn't have time to think that I'd rather be with my boys and I got to sit by th front door from the middle of my shift, so everything was awesome. And I got to go home earlier, so I didn't need to stick around to wait. They paid my wages and I think I'm finally gonna start working there officially. You know, with payslips and stuff (I still need to google how it works). They even took my national insurance number.

But you know what sucked that night/morning, when I went outside the building? It that I got a snapchat from boys a little bit earlier that they went to casino. With my keys. So that meant that if I went home, I couldn't get in. So instead of taking a route home, I went to the town to find a casino (I heard them talking about it before) and I went inside to look for them, but I couldn't find them and they didn't pick their phones up (cuz obviously I used whatsapp cuz I have no credit) so I cursed them in all the possible ways. When I couldn't find them, I've decided just to wait outside the doors of my house and thank God I did that, because when I got here, they were inside. The only thing I said is 'where the fuck are your phones?' and I went to bed for a bit. I was so tired and so mad at them, ugh. I was surprised how creative I was with the curses while walking home haha. But yeah, after spending some time in bed I've realised I won't be seeing them for a while again, so I got out of my work clothes, I got into my warm night gown and went downstairs. I didn't start talking until I got a glass of wine in my hand. They drank my white wine (I do prefer white wine tho) so I didn't have much of a choice. I did steal one of their cups with what was left, that's how I got to taste both of them. Anyway, since I was a bit hungry, I got tipsy quite easily. My friends were drunk as fuck and it made everything seem to be so fun.
But then there comes the best part. I think you realised by now that I do quite like one of them, right? So when the other one went to the bathroom, he came over and started kissing me. And then walked away when we heard the doors opening. Like, no big deal, you know. And then we had to decide who's sleeping where, because I didn't want to sleep with both of them at all. They went upstairs, to my room saying I should just sleep with them, but I went to another room to just have some space for myself. Guess who followed me there saying he's gonna carry me to my room? He ended up not doing that, tho. Instead we started kissing again which was so awkward knowing that both of the doors to the rooms were open. This obviously lead to quite a make-out session (like, we fell of the bed one time). To be fair, after laying on the ground for a second and then getting back to bed, he tried closing the doors but didn't really worked. I really hope that with all the strange sounds that we made (including my giggling) we didn't wake up our friend and he didn't hear a thing. But yeah, we didn't go anywhere far, don't worry. We both were pretty drunk and tired (cuz he hasn't slept after his journey from lithuania to here) so we fell asleep pretty soon.
When I woke up (because the other friend had to catch a bus and go to work) I figured out that he didn't really hear anything of what we did because he asked where I slept (I suppose he thought I just slept on the sofa to avoid sleeping with any of them). It was an awkward moment to say I slept in the same bed as our another friend. I obviously got back to sleep after he left (I had to lock the doors, you know) and before going to sleep, I obviously reported everything to my best friend.

I know what I'm saying is pretty personal, but to be fair, I've realised I am an open-book. Even at work I've noticed that my co-worker (she's really cool and friendly ^-^) doesn't talk about herself a lot. And if I'm honest, I don't know how to talk with people I'm not friends yet. So I just talk about myself and the only thing I find interesting to talk about is this. Cuz literally nothing else happens with me these days.

Anyway, I'm gonna go now, I'm literally to lazy to be sitting up and writing this :|

Love you lots and lots x

thank you 'coupleromance' for this gif.
Ah, the irony in that name and the gif (because something similar happened and we're so not the couple haha *awkward laugh*)

Yes, I do sleep a lot

Good day fellow fellas ;3

I just got out of the bath, I can feel the steam coming out of me it was sooo hot. I know that last year I was totally inlove with showers, but now if I could (well, I can, but that sounds unreasonable) I would take bath every day. I can imagine I'm gonna do it as soon as I get some bath bombs (won't be soon, I'm too poor lol). But I tell ya, it's literally the best thing that happened to me today ;3

Oh, right! It's officially a year when I'm a GodMother! I can't believe it hasn't been longer, it seems like the Baptism was ages ago! Or maybe a year is a long time? I saw a pretty cool phrase today explaining why years go faster when we grow up. It's because when we're one year old, it's literally all of our life and when it comes when we're like 20, it's just 1/20 of our life. That's why it goes by so quickly. It does make sense, right? I mean, That's why when we grow up, time seems to pass without a notice. It's quite sad, isn't it? So yeah, I'm a GodMother for a year now ;3

Oh, yeah, my night went fine. My friend came over around ten and we ordered pizza and we watched star wars. Let me tell you, I don't understand why that movie is so overrated. I literally saw nothing that I'd like. Maybe it's just not my style, but seriously, why is everyone so crazy about that trilogy? (I might lose friends for this opinion, oh well) But yeah, he fell asleep in the middle of the second movie and I went on my phone and chatted with my cousin for quite a bit until the movie was over and we decided it's time to sleep. I mean, you do know that I live in a house with three bedrooms, obviously he slept in another one, which, I thought, was pretty cool. I love my double bed too much and I got used to sleep as a starfish there. Then when we woke up, we had our leftover pizza, some tea and then he had to leave. Instead of going back to bed, since I was still tired and I have work in the evening, I put my duvet for a wash and went to suntan a bit. It was way too hot to stay outside for a longer time, so I came back inside and read a bit. Then, obviously, I got my washing outside and finally went to bed. I have to admit, I had a pretty good nap until my neighbour started screaming and shouting again. That woman needs to learn how to talk, seriously.

Anyway, I slept for the most of my day, so I have nothing else to tell you. Oh, maybe the fact that on Monday I'll have even more guests. My friends are coming over to Leicester for something so they told me they're gonna visit me. Good, I really miss all of them. Seeing them, even for a bit, will make me feel better.

but yeah, that's it from me today ;) I hope you're having a good day so far xx

LOOK AT THIS GIF IT'S A GIFT FOR HUMANITY!!! I love it so much it's so adorable ;3333 oh, and it's from 'minnie-on-focus' blog ;)

Guess what?

Hey guys!

How are you? I really hope you're doing well. I'm not so bad myself, thank you.

Guess what I did today.

C'mon, guess!

Ok, no, sorry, you're wrong :((

I cut my own hair today! Pretty cool, right? Though my best friend didn't think so. She thought I got mad haha. But then to be fair, I told her I did it because I had nothing better to do. Well, I suppose that's kind of truth, I'm literally doing nothing all day apart eating, and browsing facebook (oh, wait, I did my laundry). And I looked at my hair in the mirror, I touched it and to be fair, they were crying for a cut. Like, I haven't cut my hair in 1.5 year now. I think it's that long. Anyway, they felt terrible and they didn't look that good anymore, so I sat in front of my mirror today, found a few tips on how to do this and did it. I think I did pretty fine, you know. I can't stop touching it, haha. I do feel that they are shorter, like, but it feels so nice ;3

Anyway, one of my lithuanian friends is supposed to come over today. I'm not sure when or for how long, but it's always nice to have some company. To be fair, I was thinking that we never spent time alone. We always had someone else to keep us company and this sounds fun. I'm looking forward to it ^-^ The only problem I have is that I can't watch any movies on my laptop, so I have no idea what we'll be doing. Maybe we'll go to the pub? I don't feel like drinking tho. Oh well, we'll see ^-^

um... what else? It's not like I've been up for anything much. One of my friends snapchatted me yesterday and made a comment that I never leave bed these days. Well, just to clarify, I was on the sofa yesterday (and I am now), but that actually made me think that I do spend quite a lot of time laying down. I could be exercising, but really, can't be bothered. First, I'd have to make an effort to find something fun to do, then I'd have to find time when I'm not eating (oh my God, I'm like snacking 24/7 these days) and then I wouldn't know what to do afterwards because I'd feel so energised. You see my problem? Like, I'd go for a walk, but I hate going out without a reason. And if I find a reason, it usually costs money and I can't afford to spend any. You see my problem? Why am I always talking about my problems -.-'

Today is Thursday. That means I'm working tomorrow. Pretty awesome. I love working. I don't know why people complain about their work (shh, I know I did that). Especially at the club. I'm pretty sure we're gonna have new people starting tomorrow - fun and exciting! Fingers crossed they know how to make cocktails haha.

Ok, I'm gonna stop here now, because I'm running out of ideas of what to talk about. I might write something later on ;)

love you lots and lots xx

gif is obviously form 'spongebob' and I thank them for it ;3

A little bit on being a self-centred person

Hey guys ;3

You know, I just had a thought that I'm a pretty self-centred person. And when you think about it, I really am. I care mostly just about myself, I rarely ask people what's up with them and I did noticed that it's usually just me who tells everyone about myself without them asking. I baked something? I'm texting that to my best friends, my friends, I post it on instagram or facebook or snapchat. I want everyone to know what I'm doing, all the time. And when I'm doing nothing, I'm thinking of what should I do to show it to someone.
I've been bugging my best friend for the past few days because I was so bored. I literally had nothing to do and spent my day just laying on the sofa, listening to music and browsing my phone (checking 9gag, facebook, snapchat, instagram and yik yak). Maybe that's why I was so excited to go out today. Oh, which, by the way, didn't happen. I spent so much time in the bathroom, washed my hair and shaved my legs (oh my god, it was so troublesome, since I tried to get all of it in one try) and then I got a text that she doesn't feel well. I mean, I don't blame her, I had that before as well. I've tried texting other friends but none of them seemed to want to go clubbing. So I'm in my room, in my pyjamas, with really smooth legs and nice hair, watching K-dramas. Even my best friend doesn't text me, because she's busy playing some kind of games.

See? That's what I'm talking about. I am self-centred. I want everything to be the way I want and when it doesn't go my way, I feel annoyed. Of course I am annoyed, I was really looking forward to go out. I'm used to get attention, you know? I'm used to see people smiling when they look at me, I'm used to being noticed. And being at home five days a week doesn't do well to my ego. I've worked so hard to get where I am now. You should have seen me a year ago. My confidence was shit and I could barely speak with anyone. Not that I can now, but it's way easier. This past year was a challenge for my comfort zone and it expanded quite a lot after the last time I've thought about it. I got used to be around people and I enjoy it, you know? I've started enjoying it and it drives me crazy that I'm not around people anymore. I definitely need another job to keep me sane, don't I? One of lithuanians that I know said his place is looking for people, but honestly, it sounds like a posh and fancy place and knowing me, I'm too clumsy to be working at the hotel/on events. I should update my cv, print it out and go around my place to see if anyone is hiring. I need something near me so I wouldn't need to be walking 20 minutes everyday. That's approximately how much walking I have to get to the club I'm working, so that's quite a distance. I couldn't do it every day. I could, but I'd hate it. And I mean, I do have quite a cv now, I've worked in quite a few places, which is pretty exciting.
Anyway, I don't want to talk about work. Let's get back to me. I want to talk about myself today/tonight. Like, I always talk about myself on my blog, but that's literally what I want to do right now. Just talk about myself, brag and stuff. I don't really have anything to brag about, but let's say that I have. There, I made myself a tasty meal again. I finished one of the K-dramas and I've started another one. I was adult enough not to be very upset when my plans got cancelled. I didn't even tell my best friend that I need her to talk with me because I'm going mad, because I knew she's busy playing games.

There are so many pictures on my walls. Obviously, there are pictures of my family and my friends, but yes, I do have selfies on my walls as well. I do love myself, you know? Since I'm never sure that someone else loves me as well (even my family), I have to be that person for myself. I have to be there for myself when I'm going mad, when I'm happy, when I'm sad or when I'm bored. I was thinking today that my Mum was always with me for those moments. And for three years I've been doing this by myself. I have no idea how I got this far, if I'm being honest. I used to call Her every few hours just to check what She's doing, to tell her that I'm bored or anything. Like, I would just love to tell Her everything. I'm pretty sure there wasn't a thing She didn't know about me. I like a boy? Woah, She's the first one I'm telling. Not even my best friend, Mum was always the first one I'd tell. I had a bad day at school? I'm calling Her and telling Her everything that happened. And when I think about it, I didn't do this for three years now. I haven't called anyone when I had a bad day or when I got excited about something. Yes, I would tell something like that to my aunties, but that would be day or two or three after it happened. It wouldn't be a exciting as it was on that moment. I know, it's pretty sad. But I guess that's why I've turned out this way. Now instead of One Person, I want to tell it to everyone. I guess you can say that when I had Her, She was the world to whom I could tell what's been happening with me. Now, when She's not around anymore, I have to tell everything to the real world. That sounds better in lithuanian, you know. But She was my world. And I don't really like the one I am in now, but hey, we have to deal with what we have, right?

Anyway, not having many friends sucks. I hope you have way better summer than me, because mine is kind of monotonic. And God, I do hate monotonic stuff.

But hey, I love you guys, thanks for being here x

gif is from 'heartsnmagic' and to be fair, it quite catches what I was trying to say about my Mum. That palm is like Her and then our Solar System is like my world. And now She's gone and I have to concentrate on myself more. Anyway, gif is awesome, thanks ;3

Home alone

So, I haven't blogged in a while.

I mean, you might understand why, right? It's been a weekend, so that means I was asleep by day and working at night. And to be fair, I had nothing to tell you.

It's been a ween when I moved in on my own. Yes, the good news - I'm still alive. The bad news? I'm going mad. Since all of my friends are all around the world, I have no one to go out with. Or not even go out, to stay in. I mean, you guys know me, I'm pretty careful with whom I hang out with, so making new friends is quite a task. Boys are not in Leicester, girls are not in Leicester, I don't really know how to ask my colleagues to become my friends yet, so... yeah.
To be fair, I do want to go out. Haven't been out in ages and dancing at home is just not the same. Working at the club is fun, but it would be awesome to be on the other side of the bar for once. Obviously, that requires money and stuff, but I can be sober, it doesn't bother me. Obviously, find a club that works on weekdays is not an easy task. Well, ok, it is. Mosh is open on Tuesdays.

Ok, ok, so I took a break to go through my facebook friend list and I found this lithuanian girl that I was chatting with for a while and I've asked her if she wants to go out and she said she's cool with it, she's bringing more friends, so I'm secured ^-^ Ah, now I'm excited for tomorrow! What do I wear...

Anyway, yeah, getting back to my house. It's lonely. Obviously, I hear my neighbours all the time, but that's not like I can talk to them or something. I've spent all day in our living room listening to music and just chilling on the sofa, it was relaxing but I miss action! I actually miss the days when I was so busy I would run from one place to another with no time to spare. So yeah, I'm going out tomorrow. Finally. Gonna be interesting to get back in the middle of the night instead of early morning.

Oh, I made myself a meal today. I spent 15 quit at the shop but I bought meat and I actually cooked some. And it was delicious. I'm so proud of myself, I should do this more often. And it wasn't even hard, I just couldn't really make myself do it, because, c'mon, it's so sad to make a meal for only one person. I was thinking today, while making my food, that I wish I had a boyfriend just so I could make food for him. And maybe so he'd hang out with me at my house. Either way, I can't wait until everyone is back. I know boys are always up for free food, so whenever I'd cook, they'd come over. And then girls are going to be around and we'll obviously gonna cook for each other. I feel like this year is going to be awesome. I just have that feeling. And I can't wait for it to start. Nearly two months. Two months and I'm going to be with my friends again. You have no idea how I miss all of them <3

And I'm gonna stop on this note. I love you guys x

oh, p.s. guess who messaged one of her crushes? ^-^

gif is from 'sensualkisses' thanks ;3

Shalalalalala

Hey guys!

It's been a good day, right? Well, at least I got to suntan (sunbath? So many words to choose from :|) and I'm quite happy about the result so far.
I woke up today because of the sun (yeah, I need better curtains) so I've decided to go outside and just sleep while tanning. Obviously, I didn't get to sleep, but I kind of had a nap, so that's good. I obviously would have had better time if not my neighbours. I don't know how thick she think walls are but screaming on her children is not the best way to make a good impression on her new neighbours. Like, I heard it before, so for God's sake. Why would she constantly scream on her kids? She has a boy, probably like 8 years old and he got a friend over yesterday. You should have heard her. She started shouting on the poor kid that he shouldn't bring any friends over and then to the friend she screamed to 'get the fuck out of her house'. That's way too much, isn't it? And then she has a cute little girl - she's so adorable, I heard her talking and she reminds me of my sister ;3 but her mom screamed even on her. Like, why would you do that? I feel bad for these kids. Oh, and I played some music today and she started screaming that I should sort my fucking music out. To be fair I wasn't sure if it was for me, but I got up and turned it off just to check. She shut herself up after that, so I suppose it was about my music. It was the middle of the day, Gosh. I wonder what she will do when we're going to have parties here. Because we're students and we will obviously have parties here.
Anyway, enough about that woman. I finally get to go to work! Haven't been anywhere else for 5 days now. Like, I moved here on Monday, I went to the shops around the corner and that's it. Now I'll finally get to walk a fair distance (I'm not looking forward to getting back in the morning :( ). I'm pretty excited. I like working, it makes me feel like I do something apart existing. I haven't done any waitressing job this week and it sucks. I like waitressing as well. I mean, it's not busy and I have time for myself, but honestly, whenever I work I don't need to think about anything apart my job and I like it. It's relaxing, especially for a person like me. So working tonight is going to be awesome.
Right, I had a bath today and guess what. I obviously felt like a little child and had to go underwater and that ended up as my ears being blocked. I don't know how I'm going to hear anyone today, but let's hope for the best, right? Right. On the same note, I have no idea what to wear because I feel like I'm bloated. I was thinking about some baggy clothes, but then again, it's not Mosh, people usually wear something nice there. I would put my kind of baggy dress on, but I've been wearing it quite often now.

ok, I've stopped writing and went to check facebook, that's usually a sign I don't know what to say anymore, so I hope you are having a great evening, love you all xx

gif is from 'fuck-regrets'. first of all, I love the name of this blog. Second of all, thanks for this gif ;33

A bit of evening thinking

Hi babes x

I hope you guys are doing well. Me? Yeah, so so. I got my pipe problem fixed this morning, so that was refreshing ;3 also, I got help from one of my guys to get my hot water running. I do feel quite sick with flu, but don't worry, I still cleaned up the kitchen (we have so many pots and pans) and made sure our garden doesn't look so bad. It was quite a nice day, actually. I enjoyed working around my house and after that, I rewarded myself for an hour in the sun. Nothing can be better ^-^
Tho to be fair, I did feel guilty today. Why? Because my ex-flatmate, you know, the one who helped me move, texted me asking to come over to help her. I texted her I can be there in an hour, because I just hung my wet clothes and I don't wanna leave them unattended, because I saw some clouds coming up and it looked like it was going to rain. My guess she wasn't very happy that I couldn't help her at that very time, but to be fair, she could have told me the day before about her plans to move her stuff. I wouldn't have washed my clothes and would have been ready whenever she needed me. Like, even on my moving day I didn't tell her a specific time when to be ready. I told her to help me out when she had her sleep and she's ready. Am I right or wrong here?

Anyway, that's not really why I opened my blog today. That was more or less just a sum up of my day. What I was thinking about were crushes. Like, yeah, I do think about them a lot, what can I say. I see posts about love every day, so naturally I start to wonder when will I be in love. But that's not about this as well. What I was thinking recently was that everyone thinks of a way to talk with their crush and somehow get their attention, but for me, I don't feel like texting any of my crushes. Like, whenever I open a chat to start a conversation, I feel like I'm annoying them. With friends it's fine, like, I can double text then, quadruple text them and so on, but with my crush (let's take the 'ultimate' one as an example), I literally was struggling to ask for help that I obviously needed today. Until someone told me to text him because he obviously knows how to help out. But I don't count that as a conversation tho, cuz that was literally just help, right? Anyway. Yeah, getting back to the point. I avoid texting my crush. I avoid making any contact with him, because I'm scared I'm annoying. Or maybe I'm just scared that I'm not interesting enough. Or I just know that he hates useless conversations. But to be fair, I always hated texting my crushes. I would always expect them to talk to me. That way I don't feel like I could annoy them. Don't get me wrong, I do text guys I like, but I usually have a reason for it, not just to ask what they're up to. Is it strange? Because I see a lot of posts about 'Oh, I don't know what to text him' or 'oh, I'm a brave woman and I texted him first' and stuff like that, but seriously, if I think of texting them, it's usually when I need something from them. Am I a bad friend if I act like that? I mean, it's usually me who texts first to all of my friends, but some of them don't mind (I hope) that I do. Sometimes it's literally just 'wuu2?' 'how are you?' and 'oh, cool, ttyl'. And honestly, these are enough for me to know that someone actually thinks about me from time to time and cares about me. It's important, you know? Especially to a person like me. I might look confident on the outside, but babe, I'm so insecure about all of my friends after what happened with my ex-best friend, that I can barely keep anyone around me longer than two or three meets.
But yeah. My point here was - I hate texting person I like first. Not because I couldn't think of what to say, but because I would feel like being annoying. But by all means, if you want to text me, please, do. That would mean a lot even if it's just to ask how am I.

Oh, by the way, I think I'm no longer a waitress, since I didn't get a call in two days. At least I'm still a bartender ;3 I was told I might become like a managing-bartender when the temporary one leaves. Ha, lol, me, responsible? Good joke, right?

Anyway, I love you guys so very much! I have no idea what I would do without my blog and those numbers that keep a track of refreshed blog page. They mean so much to me, I can't even describe it <3

I'm really grateful to 'pensiveprufrock' for this gif ;3

So I moved in.

Hi sweeties ;3

so, I haven't posted anything yesterday because I was so busy moving. Like, I woke up at half seven, had a shower, had some breakfast, went to get the key and then started my walks to the house. If not my flatmate and her boyfriend, I'd probably be dead by now. It was so much walking and heavy lifting!
But now I'm here. (not all) set and ready to live my adult life. To be honest, this really feels like I'm a proper adult. A house, I'm alone here and I'm responsible for everything!
And that's where my problems begin. Firstly, there was no electricity when I moved in. So no wi-fi. Apart from that, light in the bathroom doesn't work, pipes in the kitchen are leaking (I noticed that AFTER I turned my washing machine on). I had to much to do here and I'm not even near the end. I started decorating my room, I moved my furniture, so now it looks a bit bigger. I still have to sort out kitchen stuff, but not today. I'm way too tired and too sick. I also went shopping for food today, so you can imagine how I feel. Plus (God, I'm nagging to much) I didn't get a call from restaurant, so I'm having a day off which is not good, because I need money to actually buy everything I need.
And by that I mean I need furniture, because I have no where to put all of my jewellery, tablets and stuff like that. It costs money that I don't have. Seriously, moving in alone is really hard.

At least I have a double bed now. It's so nice and cosy and comfortable, I wish you could see it. And with the pictures I had of my family and friends I made a huge heart on the wall opposite to my bed. It looks so freaking awesome, I'm so glad I thought of it. It's not really finished, because I need more pictures, but still, you can figure out what it is.

On top of all of this, our wi-fi (that we had problems setting up [my flatmates boyfriend did it]) is stupid. By stupid I mean it blocks any site I went on to watch series or movies. SOOOO ANNOYING. Like, seriously, what's it's problem? I was so tired yesterday after all that moving and I went to bed with the thought that I'll watch something and it just... ruined my mood. God damn that wi-fi. I hope it won't block any lithuanian sites where I can watch movies.

Anyway, it was nice talking to you (ok, ok, it was nice to nag to you), have a great day, I'm going to sort my washed clothes now ;3

love you lots xx

gif is from 'everybirdfellsilent' thank you ;3