Say it to my face, bitch

Remember how I told you guys that I don't care if anyone calls me whore/bitch/slut/hoe? Yeah? Well, I don't care because they're not saying that to my face. They can talk with each other as much as they want, but it takes a bit of braveness and stupidity to say it to my face.
So, yeah, I was called a hoe because I don't have many girl friends and I mostly hang out with the guys. I mean, well, that's my choice, isn't it? And that's just an opinion of a one guy whom I barely know and don't really like but still. Who he think he is saying it to my face? You might think it was as a joke, because he obviously said it afterwards, but it didn't sound like a joke at all.
And you know what? Fuck this. I know it sounds like I care, but I don't. I'm just fucking pissed off that someone actually cares to comment on my life when theirs is even more shittier than mines. But I'm not gonna talk about it. It's just c'mon, it's rude to say this to people's faces. I don't call anyone idiots for believing in God, do I? SO why comment on how I choose to live my life?

Anyway, I was talking with one of my friends about this and she said that it does sound a bit strange, knowing that my guys slept over. I mean, she got every detail and we had a good laugh about it. I always laugh from everything, don't I? But yeah, she told me to be more careful around my guys now, even if I do trust them so fucking much. Maybe that's why I went home so early from their house? I mean, I went there to eat something. And to check if everything is cool. And I do think it is. I mean, I don't know. I did feel a bit anxious but that's probably because I was waiting for any remarks. I didn't get them, thank God. I think it's out silent agreement not to talk about it ever again.

But yeah, I'm off to bed, I need my beauty sleep because tomorrow I'll have to smash the hell out of the field, I desperately need my rent money. So, yeah, have a good good night, because I will xx

oh, p.s. Guess who feel of her bed last night. It does sound fun, but fuck it hurts my hand so much, I can barely touch it. It didn't break, but still hurts as fuck.

night x

thank you'

d34th-n0t3' for the gif ;)

but seriously, guys, I'd appreciate if you wouldn't talk about this with me ^-^

Imperfect

You know how many times I've heard that I am pretty?
I heard that millions of times and I do know that I am pretty. But that's my problem. I know it and that's why I have high standards for myself. I woke up this morning and every little hair on my body annoyed me. When I was putting the make up on, I stopped for a few times to fix my eyebrows. And you know I don't draw them. I plucked nearly invincible hair because it was annoying me. Everything about me annoys me. I hear a word 'pretty' and I want to be perfect. Am I perfect? Hell no. Maybe that's why I don't have a lot of confidence. Maybe that's why I imagine always staying like I am, because I don't want to show my imperfections to anyone else. I was looking at my chest this morning and it annoyed me as well. I mean, it's no secret that every girl has those barely visible hair on them, but I was looking at them and it made me mad.
I don't know why it is so important for me to be perfect all the time. As I said, every time someone says I'm pretty, the list of my imperfections goes through my head. Ever since I was little, I had standards for myself. I can't remember when I've started shaving my legs - it was that long time ago. I know I'm always complexed about everything.
But you know what? I know it's alright. No one is perfect. It's only me who sees me naked, it's only me who sees all the imperfections and it's only me who knows about them. Maybe that's the reason I don't really want a boyfriend - I'd be scared for him to comment on anything. My auntie likes to mock me about my back hair and that's why I'd always wear longer clothes so no one would see them. Whenever I hear a girl saying 'oh no, I have moustache' I have a reflex to hide lower part of my face because of my own hair on the face. I know you could say I can remove them easily, but you know what? I don't have neither time or money to invest in it. Yeah, I bought the wax strips for the face but I can't be bothered to actually do it. Plus, It would hurt and I don't need that at the moment.

Anyway, I'm gonna go to work where I need to have all of my confidence. Even if I feel like shit today. God it's a nice day, isn't it?

see you later guys x

'word-stuck'thank you for the gif ;)

Gotta secret, can you keep it?

Hi guys ^-^

I have a confession to make. Like, a really secretive one, so if you know me personally and you talk to me on daily/weekly basis, know that I will not discuss this out loud with anyone and if you try to talk about this with me, I'm gonna be really mad.
You know how I always hang out with guys all the time, right? Like, really, my girls don't even care about meeting up and chatting, so I kind of don't care as well. But yeah, let's get back to the point. When I started my job, I started wearing make up and that obviously means that I got a lot more confidence on a daily basis. I even got a date because of that! I remember telling you guys about how much I want relationship and blah blah blah, but then again, on Monday I was working with one of my colleagues and our conversation became kind of personal. I don't even understand how I've started talking about my friends and our activities whenever we drink. Well, I mean, I know I did sounded like a slut, but hey, that colleagues was flirting with me from the day one, it usually helps to send them the other way. I mean by telling a guy that I kiss a lot of guys. But that's not the point. He asked me if I'd act the same way if I was in a relationship and it actually got me thinking. I don't regret anything I did with anyone so far, I enjoy games I play with my friends and I actually think I would be a bad girlfriend because of this. I don't think I would consider kisses as cheating and after last night (we'll come to that later)... well, let's just say that I changed my mind radically about what I want. I don't need relationship, I don't need flowers or romance, I don't need that ONE person that I'd spend all of my time with. I mean, the guy I went on a date with (two times) is really really nice and cute, but if I'm being absolutely honest, I don't think that's what I deserve. I told him that I have a lot of guy friends and he didn't seem to be bothered, but I am pretty sure I forgot to mention the fact that I made out with most of them.
And about last night. I got a call from one of my friends that he needed a drink and an hour later me, him and another friend were at my house, drinking a bottle of vodka that cost me 15 quid. Now, I wasn't sober when I met up with them, since I was on a crew night, so I guess you can imagine how drunk I was at the end of the evening. And to be honest with you, I wasn't bothered by the fact that most of the time we spent playing spin the bottle. And then we got to my single bed, all freaking three of us and went to sleep. Well, sleep. I don't know if you can call that a 'sleep'. But I'm not going into more details, but if anyone is wondering, I'm still a virgin (because I know how it sounded). Though probably if I wasn't, I'd have had pretty interesting experience. But yeah, I regret absolutely nothing. Well, maybe something, but that's another story and you are not hearing about it.
And on top of that, last night that Monday colleague and me kissed. It was really strange experience and I don't wish to ever repeat that. I'm not saying it was bad, but that was too much. You know how I always said no one pays attention to me? Well, now I have way too much attention to myself. I have a lot of guys around me and as a straight (ok ok, Bisexual) girl I sometimes get confused of what I want. But yeah, after last night, I'm pretty sure I don't want relationship. I'd have to refuse a lot of stuff that I'm doing. And as I said, I don't plan to do it as long as it makes me happy.

God this was a real talk, wasn't it? Though I feel better by telling this to someone. Aaah, I need to discuss this with someone but no one in real life comes to my mind to whom I could actually say this in person. Grandma, probably. God damn I need to talk with my Grandma. And I know it sounds strange, but she is soooo cool with this. I'm off, I need to call her.

love you guys x

I'm not saying that's how I look like, but give me some time.
thanks, 'sleazedup' for this gif. I can't help but imagine something else for those bottles but I'm not talking about that either lol

YES! EVERYONE WAKE ME UP ON MY DAY OFF!

{Good} Morning everyone!

Those who already know me well knows, that it is a fucking bad idea to wake me up. I become a freaking monster and I'm not in the mood for the rest of the day then. So guess what just freaking happened. Ok, not recently, but still.
The point is, imagine - I come back home from work and there are guys painting our flat's walls. Ok, no worries. I went to the shower room just to see my stuff moved. Not cool, I had a pad there. But yeah, fine. My toothbrush was covered in dust. Fuck that. Then this morning, listen, this morning, at 8 am, on my only day off this week, they've decided to start shouting in our corridor. Guess who got woken up? I've managed to get back to sleep again, but just to be waken up an hour later. After waiting for like 15 minutes for them tu shut up, I got out of bed and asked them really politely to keep it down. But then I got back to bed and couldn't sleep anymore. God you have no idea how much I want to just smash someone in the face. And the worst part is, I need to go and fix my essay, because it's due today and for the fucks sake, I'm not good at it. If I pass, it will be a miracle. Literally, a miracle. Why the duck did I chose this course.
Anyway, I went to the guys last night (I mentioned my blog and now they wanna find it and hack it. Not that I haven't posted my blog on my facbook or anything). We were literally chilling all the time and honestly, I don't think I ever liked the 'night-in' evening more. I really needed a quiet, but not alone evening. So we played cards all evening and it was absolutely adorable. But yeah, getting home at two am (even if the boys walked me home) was soooo cold. And then someone woke me up. I need a drink. I know I sound really bad when I say it, but I'd actually appreciate someone getting super-drunk with me. Even if I do have to go to work tomorrow. Then maybe on Wednesday. I don't know. I just want to get super-drunk. Don't ask me why.
So yeah, I should probably get back to my essay. Or at least try to wake up. I did make myself a cup of coffee, but I doubt that will help. I will definitely need a nap, if they won't decide to discuss something in another language on the speakers. Ugh I'm so annoyed. And exposed. I wanna take a shower, but I feel unsafe knowing that someone behind the doors can hear me being in the shower. I mean, that's not cool. I don't like that not even a bit. Anyone wants to let me stay in their flat for another week?

love and butterfly kisses x

'sociallyawkwardplatypus-blo-blog' ikr. that gif is soooo perfect ;3 thanks ;)

How to wake up.

I'm in the libraryyyyy~~~~~


So I am here, supposedly studying and writing my essay, but since my classical music started to make me sleepy, I've decided to listen a little bit of cool music to wake up. After all, I've slept for freaking three hours, smashed it in the field, got home early and now waiting for my inspiration to finish that freaking essay.
Anyway, I decided to reward myself. I bought two dresses for myself today. I didn't spend even £10 and I'm so proud. They are so cute ^-^ though when I got home I realised that I have a similar one to the one I bought. But no worries, to me they're different so obviously I don't have an issue. And then I got home and ate a pizza. There are workers at our flat this week who are painting walls and stuff, they seem nice, but I hate the fact that someone actually touched my stuff that I've left in the shower room. I feel so exposed because of this (not that I don't feel exposed while writing my blog about really intimate things lol). And we didn't get any notice so that's a bit rude of them. I could have taken my stuff out by myself then. though I will not let it ruin my Monday - it's going really great and I can't wait for something interesting to happen ^-^ I hope it will, I feel too energised. I know I had to little sleep, but who needs that anyway, right? Right. And I don't have to go to work tomorrow, so I'm covered. And apparently all left to do is my assignments and I'm free from uni. So if I'm finishing all three essays this week, I can become a full-timer! They took me out of my beloved charity and put me in another one that is ok, so I'm a bit disappointed, but you know, I already smash it in there. I love my job so much, even if sometimes I get 'urghhh' feeling. Who doesn't, actually.
I guess writing my blog in the library, while listening to music is not that great of the idea. I mean, I don't really care if anyone reads it behind my back, it's just usually I need to concentrate on what I want to say. Though when was the last time I spoke of anything important? I can't even remember  when was the last time I updated my blog without a wish to just brag about something that has happened. And even if something did happened, I don't really have time to sit down and write about it. That's how busy I am these days and honestly, I freaking love it.


Great, I woke up, I'm gonna put the gif here later, because I don't really want to hit tumblr.com while on the library or I'm gonna end up searching up new got gifs. Good show, trust me.

I didn't plan this at all

Hi guys!!

So I have a day off today. Well, kind of a day off. I mean, my day off should have been spent at the library, writing my essay that's due to Tuesday. Fun times, fun times, I know. Instead I woke up, called my family, had 'breakfast' and spend all day cleaning my room. And now I'm waiting for my laundry to dry so I could go and take them out and theeeen go to the library. I tried looking at my essays and I kind of know which topic I will choose but that doesn't mean I'm going to stay with it. I don't know, I really can't concentrate while being at home. I have my music playing as loud as possible, I look at the roses I got yesterday and it makes me smile like an idiot. How can I concentrate?
You know, I've always thought I'm gonna end up alone. Even my Grandma said it, even though she probably was joking. But then again, I realised I'm kind of scared to be in a relationship. You ask why? easy. I hate hurting people, ok? I hate the fact that something I'd do would hurt someone. Or even worse, if anyone would hurt me. I can't afford being broken again. I'm scared to let new people around me because I'm scared to lose them. You know me, I bond with people quite easily.

ok, so, I didn't finish this post and I started it yesterday. My friend called and I totally forgot. See, I don't have my blog-updating habit anymore :( but anyway, after that I've ran to the library where I got to ~350 words and realised I can't concentrate properly. So I got home and obviously I did the most stupid thing I could think of - I invited my guys to come over. The lithuanian ones. And they did. And now I have three empty (one was half empty when they came here) bottles of wine and empty bottle of vodka from lithuania. But that's not the issue, I mean, not that we got really really drunk or anything, but. There is always but with me, isn't it? Yeah, so that 'but' is that we stayed up until around 3 am. And I have to go to work in an hour now (it's around 7 now). When I set my alarm on, it said I had 3 hours and 10 minutes to sleep. You feel me yet? No? Well, I got up with a little bit of a headache and feeling that I'm not supposed to go anywhere. But hey, look at me, going to the shower, putting effort, having my make-up on (though I didn't put any foundation on bcs when I tried to do it yesterday, my still-peeling face from a sunburn was more visible than ever). I'm still drinking my freaking strong coffee (which is pretty nice, let me tell you this) and that's how I have time to actually sit down and write my blog. God I miss this feeling. Being able to tell you guys anything. Though I am starting to understand why not many people writes personal blogs. It might be a little bit embarrassing, when I have a lot of posts about my crushes and kissing and stuff like that, because c'mon, I am supposed to be a responsible for my image now, but I can't really help it, can I?
I just heard patd - I write sins not tragedies, and I heard 'a whore' out of the context and it kind of reminded me of my night. I know you know why, I probably don't even need to tell you, do I? It always happens when I'm with my guys, even though I don't count it as anything serious. Though it was pretty unfair to be the only lady (oh, no, sorry, girl, I'm no lady) while playing spin the bottle. I'm not saying it wasn't fun, because the odds of bottle turning to me were pretty small and I got to see a lot of stuff I did not need to see (but obviously enjoyed watching). And then we got bored and started truth-or-dare and I got to put a make up on one of the guys. OH MY GOD THE BEST FEELING EVER! I should become a make-up artist and just give my boys a makeover from time to time. It would be so fun. I'm defo doing it again and just fort this I'm gonna start having my make-up with me all the time.
Anyway, let's not talk about this anymore, just by thinking about this makes my head hurt. Not that we drank a lot, I repeat, but we mixed wine with vodka and mixing drinks is always not a good choice. But anyway, guess who has to write my essay TODAY and go to the guys this time, because I stupidly promised that? Fun times, fun times. I should probably get my blanket to theirs, because I'm gonna end up sleeping before twelve. Unless I'll have a lot of energy drinks and coffee. Which is not a bad idea knowing that I'm still short on 1650 words. God that sounds like freaking fun thing to do after work.
Ok. Let's go and save the world today. God I hope we're working at the slow store and not outside, because I'd die. Literally. And I hope I will do something today, or it will be a day spent for free when I could have done my essay.
God I love my busy life! It's great and I can't wait to actually tell you more about this, whenever I'll find a free second.

love and butterfly kisses x

well, not that drastic, but I have a feeling I'm gonna be saying this pretty soon. Thanks 'thehopefulschlemiel' for the gif ;)

and I couldn't leave this post without this gif, obviously. God I love that movie ^-^thanks aazhk' for this amazing gif, I'm cherishing it so much ;3

Quick update

Good Morning guys ^-^
I absolutely abandoned my blog, didn't I? I feel so ashamed. But honestly, I don't want to do anything on my laptop anymore, when I get back from work. And this week was stressful as well. You know, one assignment was due to Tuesday, now another one is due in three days, I haven't even started it, there was my doctors appointment and I feel like I don't really do my job properly.
But yeah, let's start with my doctors appointment, since I've seen a comment and didn't find time to reply personally. So, yeah, first of all, while I got to the hospital, I got lost. I basically ran down the corridors to not be late and managed to get there 2 minutes early. The funny part is that when I sat down, the nurse apologised for running 40 minutes late with schedule. So I had 40 minutes to get my breathe back. I mean, you can imagine how I felt sitting there. But yeah, the doctors tested me, it actually pretty much hurt when they did, but then apparently, it's nothing! Well, not nothing, she used some kind of word I can't remember, but the point is, that is not cancer and I have nothing to worry about.
I wish I could say I was relieved. I still have something in my chest that keeps me up at night because of it. But you know, when I got home trying to cheer myself up, my auntie was like 'oh, well, then you should come back to Lithuania and test yourself again properly, I know the doctors in Uk, they've probably missed something'. I mean, you do understand I got mad that she said it, right? I wasn't sure about it myself, though I told her I'm absolutely fine and she started telling me, that maybe there is something. Well, you know what? If it is, she will not know. She's always so negative, I hate that side of hers.
Anyway, yeah, that got off my mind, so now it's just my assignments (I should totally start one now) and my work. I feel so bad there. I mean not bad bad, but I realised I can't talk with people. I know I have the confidence that I need, but whenever I need to explain something, I struggle and it fucking annoys me. And I know that everyone can see that and that's why I fucking work for free for 3 (?) days now? Not even  for free, I freaking pay for my own ticket all the damn time which is a fiver each day. Plus, my coffee that keeps me awake, plus the sandwich or something and look at me, I'm already broke. And I thought I'm gonna make at least for my rent and food. Ha.
But let me tell you a one good thing. The guy I went on a date with is really freaking cute. I feel like he really cares for me and stuff ^-^ Though it's probably too obvious that I am way too scared to actually start anything. I think I'm gonna stay a virgin all my life. Can I do that? I don't think I'd ever be confident enough to take my clothes off in front of anyone. Though I did start to sleep more or less naked (thank God there are no fire alarms, or it would be fun). But yeah, it's for my own eyes, I'm used to every flaw I have and I'm too afraid anyone could tell me them out loud. I'd probably punch that person. But yeah, anyway, he's cutie. Even though he starts to annoy me with the same questions everyday, that sound like I'm not really the person I am. So many comparisons to me, being typical lithuanian. Or a coffee addict. Or a lover of vodka. Yeah, I hate that. I mean, I might say it myself, but when someone else points it out, I wanna break something. I'm not a freaking typical lithuanian, ok? I hate drinking, I get in fights just to protect myself and I drink coffee because I don't get enough sleep.
Talking about not enough sleep. You know, when my friends are over at mines (that didn't happen in a long time now) and if they stay longer, we never, EVER, make noises in the hall. My lovely flatmate who I though was pretty cool had a party with like four people and where they'd make a lot of noise? Exactly - while fucking going to the kitchen or in the corridor. For the fucks sake, it was four in the morning when I actually got out and said that I freaking have to wake up in a fucking hour. I guess they've laughed, but I didn't hear anything after, so it should have worked, yeah?

Anyway, gotta go put a makeup on and pretend to be a living being :|

so this gif is from '

uabua' god thank you for it so much. I guess it's my pms, but still, everything around me annoys me today. Fuck this, fuck that.

Because being positive on Monday morning is so me. lol.

Do you know the feeling when it looks like everything just goes wrong?
I had a panic attack quite recently. I didn't have my medicine, I didn't have anyone to call to and it was so terrifying, I though I'm going to die. What caused it? A simple letter from the hospital for and appointment. An urgent appointment. They aid it doesn't mean that it's cancer, but I got so afraid. I'm still afraid and I'm still waiting for my appointment but I really don't want to go there alone. Though I don't want to drag anyone with me either. I asked one of my girls, but then again, I realised if I have the bad results, I don't want to tell that to anyone.
Why I started my blog entry like that? Because I just realised that everyone around me started calling me everyday, asking how am I and just chit chat. Almost like everyone already knows I'm dealing with it and wants to know when to say goodbye. Or at least don't want to feel like dicks if I'm gone too soon. My step-dad started calling me everyday, my cousin started messaging me more often, my friends became so nice to me it doesn't feel right. And all anyone can possibly know is what they've read here or what I've told them.
I know it's gonna be tough to deal with it just by myself, but I don't want anyone to change their behaviour just because something is wrong with me, ok?

To be honest, just before I started writing, my uncle called me. And I think no one understands how afraid I am of an unexpected morning calls. Two years ago one of unexpected morning calls said my Mom died. Can you imagine how it shocks me everytime, when I hear my phone or laptop ringing around 6 or 7 in the morning? I couldn't pick up today and when I messaged asking if everything is alright, he didn't reply for around 3 minutes and that was enough to ruin all of my mood. I literally want to cry right now, but I don't have time for this. I need to go and put makeup on, I need to smile and go to work. And smash it today - I need results and I am going to get them, you will freaking see.

But yeah, I'm sorry I wasn't around for 9 days. My assignment is due tomorrow, I have 500 out of 2000 words and I have no idea what to write there. Everything stresses me out.

And oh, yeah, on Saturday I had a date. My first freaking date ever. It was so awesome ^-^ and then yesterday I've realised that I have a tendency to repeat my history, so yeah, it stresses me out so much I want to bang my head to the wall :|

Love you guys, so so sorry for not writing more, I really wish I could, but I'm so busy I barely have time to myself, actually. My acne became worse than ever, my nails are breaking everyday and I feel tired all the time. Oh, wow, ok, I know how that sounds. Fun times.

See you later x

gif is from 'iamkcmckay' check that one out and I'm thanking for this gif ;)

Saturday morning and I'm late

I knoooow there is a huge gap between Wednesday and now! I'm sorry I've kept you waiting.

So, I'm sure everyone is interested how it went at doctors. It was fine, the lady that examined me was really nice and lovely. As I expected, she felt something as well and now she referred me to I-can't-remember-where to get a proper exam. She said it's not likely in my age to have cancer, that it might be just a breast tissue or smth, but it's better to be safe than sorry, so I should get tested. That's exactly what I thought as well. Now I just need to collect my appointment from the surgery (because I forgot to do it yesterday) and visit a place she told me to visit. Well, it's gonna be fun, I suppose. Anyone fancies going with me? I'm a bit scared. I almost ran off from my appointment for a moment just because I was so scared she'd say something terrifying.
What I told my family is that everything is fine. I told them I'm getting more tests, but I said it's fine, that she defo doesn't think it's that, so they wouldn't worry so much. I hate people worrying about me, no thank you. I hate when someone pitties me, that's why when I'm telling someone that I'm an orphan, I say it with enthusiasm and add that it means I'm a hardcore because I take care of myself. BOOM! Amazing.
Anyway, I have to go to prepare for another awesome day at work, have a nice day x

love you guys x

sorry for being so passive lately x

this little dance that I'm doing is from 'mufinn' thank you ;3

Until the evening

This is the day.
The day I'm going to doctors.
For my check-up.
I'm so freaking scared I can barely breath.
But hey, at least I'll know for sure, yeah? Because I was searching for it yesterday and it didn't seem as big as it was, so maybe it's nothing serious? Even if it is, c'mon, I can deal with everything that comes my way, yeah? I'm not a weak ass kid anymore. I am too strong for this shit.
Though I'm really not happy about something my aunt did. I told both of my aunts about that and I asked them to not tell anyone, because I didn't want my Grandma to know. Because, you know, she's still struggling to cooperate with her own problem. And she told her. I asked why'd she do that when she's the one who sees how Grandma is struggling  and she just replied that she doesn't have secrets from her. Well, that's not something you should just tell to everyone. I told her because I trusted her and now look what happened. Did I tell you that the first question from my Grandma was 'so, how's your lump (or however it's called)? Can you imagine how I've felt? I obviously told her that everything is alright and there is nothing to worry about, because I'd never let her worry about anything before it happens.
But yeah, I'm gonna have a check up today and I'll tell you guys as soon as I can, ok? Don't worry about me, I'm fine. Always ^-^

Have a nice day, I'm gonna go get ready to work ;3

yeah? be happy! Be optimistic and enthusiastic, it's soooo fun! gif from 'letsbeawkward' and heyy, thanks for it! ^-^

So my weekend went like this

Gooooood Morning guys!

I've realised I haven't blogged in a few days now, so since I have some time now [it's 6:20, don't judge me for my mistakes, ok?] I realised I can actually talk with you ;3
So....Yeah, on Saturday my colleagues took me to circus. I was really fine with not going, I mean, I didn't have money anyway, but when one of them heard that, he said he'll pay for me and I had to go. Well, to be honest with you, it was really really fun ^-^ especially when for two of them it was the first time in the circus. It was even more amusing to see them than the show. I mean, I saw a lot of acrobatics in my life, so it wasn't as surprising for me as for them. Even kids turned around to look at them. It looked so funny! They were so cheerful I got my enthusiasm from them ^-^ but yeah, this means I got home around nine-ish, so you can imagine how tired I was. I actually watched 'The Martian" but I felt asleep as soon as it was finished. I was so tired. Thank God I had a day-off on Sunday.
I planned to start my assignments on Sunday, but as you might have guessed - I didn't. Seriously, it was so good just to lay in my bed doing nothing. I mean, as a person who was spending last three months this way, I should want to go and do stuff, but naah. No chance. Literally I got out of bed to take a shower and bring something from the kitchen. And that was all I did that day. Procrastination at it's finest, haha.
And yeah, yesterday I went to work again. It was quite fun, I've met lovely people, but I haven't done any work which is shame because that's how I get paid. I mean, going to the field and talking to people - yeah, I did that, but apparently, everyone were too busy to talk with us. No worries, I'm sure if they had time, they would have listened. Even though I don't think I can still manage talking with them till the end. Omg, yesterday this guy just stopped, as we thought, for a second and then went on for about forty minutes without the opportunity to interrupt him. And he didn't even told us about our charity, he just went on about his life and stuff. Oh My God, do people really doesn't understand that we are actually WORKING while standing there?
At least I get to hear that I am really nice at least five times a day, which really helps for my confidence. People are so lovely ^-^

anyway, I have to go and get ready, so I'll talk with you guys later (don't ask when, I am pretty sure today will be a smashing day, so I'll be tired as fuck. And after all day spent talking, who really wants to talk, right?)

Love you guys so much x

'

liebleak' even though this gif doesn't look happy at all, I am sleepy in a good way. I mean, at least I have a reason to go to bed early. HA! Good one :D thank you for sharing this ;3

What's a Friday?

I'll be honest with you guys, all I want to do when I get back from work is sleep and that's why my blogs are getting shorter.
I'm really sorry about it.
Anyway. I feel so fucking scared right now. When I've noticed something in my breast, as I said, I felt a lump or something, I started searching for it everyday, to make sure if it didn't disappear or something. But as I've touched it now, it felt bigger than it was before. I am so terribly scared. I can't wait for Wednesday to check it out. Seriously, guys, I feel like this is not a good sign. And it hurts when I touch it as well.
I don't want to tell this to anyone, to be honest with you, because I've mentioned before that I'm not ready to talk about any of this, but I really need to put my mind off from it here. As I said, please, don't talk about it with me in real life or I'll just ignore you or get really mad. Thank you for your understanding.

Anyway, my job! I love it so much I can't even tell you how much I love it! I mean, my back hurts from all the standing and stuff, but I feel sooooooo goood knowing what I'm doing! I've actually made some money as well (because we're getting paid for the job we've done, not hourly) and I'm so proud of myself that I got to help children in need! And people I talked today were so nice! Well, there were a few that told me to buy ak-47 and shoot every poor child so they wouldn't need anything or to castrate everyone there so they wouldn't procreate (I hope I rephrase it right because I don't even want to start about the rant I got). Anyway, yeah, my job is great, I meet a lot of new people and all my colleagues are absolutely amazing! I love working there ;3

And that's basically it. I have nothing more to tell you. Literally I got back from wok and went to bed to rest a bit. I wanted to get a nap, but then I wouldn't be able to sleep at like 10 or 11 and then it would be hard to wake up at 5-ish (I've done this today). So, yeah. I'm gonna check a few things I still need to do, get a quick shower and I'm going straight to bed. And honestly, I feel soooo ashamed I haven't replied to my tumblr rpg, I literally can't think of anything else than my work at the moment (and, you know, my little problem that I will sort out in Wednesday. And yeah, I've called my aunt because I just needed to hear her confirmation that it's gonna be fine, because I don't know why, but her voice always assures me). Anyway, it was great to chat a bit with you guys, I love you so much!

Have a nice evening x

THAT'S SO ME IN MY MIND WHEN PEOPLE ACTUALLY GET INTERESTED IN WHAT I'M DOING! thank you 'losteveragain' for giving this gif to tumblr community ;3