It changed me already. It's been two days.

Ok, First of all and I'm dead serious - Don't talk with me about what I said to my Godmother. Do fucking not. I hate it and that is why I haven't told anyone. Not only it puts me in a bad mood, it also brings up the fucking fer and all I wanna do to that person who brought it up is punch him.
Now, on the brighter note.
I actually spent around 40 minutes trying to get an appointment to check that thing out. Seriously, getting in touch with dmu surgery is absolutely impossible. They need to really step up their receptions game. But anyway, I did get a booking and I'm going to be checked properly. Maybe I was worried for nothing.

But yeah, today was my second day of training at my new job! I've learnt so much my head hurts (or maybe it's just the fact that I haven't eaten anything since 9 am). And I actually know now what I'm gonna do. You know those people who stands in the middle of a shopping centre, working with charities, asking for money? That is going to be me. Guys, you have no idea how much I've learned about charities through the past two days. Please, if you are able, donate to them, every penny counts. But I am not talking about this, if you wanna know more, just go to the people who represents the charities.
But yeah, what I need to do for tomorrow is to learn my speech that I was given. I mean, everyone knows how complicated my English is and honestly, I think I need a lot to learn by tomorrow. That's why I intend to keep my blog short and get back to my notes. I really really want to succeed in this. I felt really good knowing what kind of job I will be doing. I'm so happy I'm there.

So, yeah, Love you guys, talk to you later x

gif from '

guardian', thank you so much for it. To be honest, these two days showed me how much every penny counts. For us it might be nothing, but to someone it might be everything.

Tuesday for usual Monday

Hello hello!
How are you guys? Good? Yeah? Me too! Well, at least my mood is. I probably ate something bad yesterday because my belly hates me ;/
But everything else is going great! Today was my first training day in the field of Marketing.Well, not really the field, we were mostly introduced to the industry, to the goals and so on and so on. But It was really, really interesting, I am not even lying. This woman we'll be working for is absolutely amazing! She's such an inspiration ;3 but honestly, it's too early to say anything so I wouldn't jinx it, right? But I promise to tell you everything as soon as I'll be more sure.
The hardest part today was to wake up. I couldn't get enough sleep but I was so excited to get there. Though my hair just didn't want to listen to me at all. I felt like a little mess today. I hope it was just me who thought that. I really need to invest more in how I look like, because being around people in suits makes me feel bad about my own clothes. I love suits, I love wearing office clothes - I feel so adult in them! Can't wait to earn more money so I could invest in myself. God I can't wait to be rich again (not that I was before, but c'mon, having more than five pounds for a months is really something).
And my Godmother gave me 60 quid before I left. I spent ten to actually top-up my phone credit, since I was out of it for two months now and the rest I hid from myself to actually have a little bit for my rent. I mean, I'm really broke this month and that's another reason why I absolutely love my new job. Though I can't really call it like that yet, can I? Anyway, yeah, I spent two pounds on my 'passport' photo and another two for my lunch. Though the sandwiches I bought were terrible. Money not wisely spent. I have that feeling were I can actually spend something even though I have totally nothing with my atm. Well, those fifty that I refuse to spend.
But honestly, I don't really want to talk now, sorry ;/ I'm gonna spend my evening with my tea, tv-show and a little homework that I got from my job. God I'm excited ;3

aaah, Jim, my spirit animal atm ^-^ thanks '20-somethings-blog' for the gif ;3

Ok, seriously.

Hi guys!
I hope you didn't drink as much as me yesterday. Oh my I did a mistake. Well, drinking was fine, but when I smoked two cigarettes, that was a fucking mistake. I spent around an hour vomiting and I cried my eyes out. I mean, I cried so much I my capillaries around my eyes popped. So now I look like I have freckles, just the ugly ones because they are blue-ish.
Why I cried? Well, that's the point, I never ever wanted to talk about it out loud, but when I started spitting something red, I lost it. You see, my family has a history with cancer. My Grandad died from it. My Grandma has it. We're pretty sure that my ancestors had it as well, because they died quite young. And to be honest, first thing that I thought when I saw something red is that I have it as well. I regularly check myself if I don't have any lumps around my chest and on Saturday I think I felt something on my right one. I got scared, but then again, I am too afraid to actually go and check it out, because I'm too afraid to hear that I might have anything.
And yesterday, while crying, I finally said it out loud. Like, my Godmother and her sister heard it and today they brought it up. They said they could be with me during a check-up but then again, if I have something, I don't want anyone to know anything, ok? I will not have my family worrying about me.

Ok, ok, ok, let's not talk about it anymore. I hate this topic. It's too personal.

Have a nice day ;3

Soo... Easter!

Well, I was expecting to spend Easter alone ;3

But then as I was sleeping soundly and nicely, I got a call from my Godmother, asking if I'm mad at them since I'm not calling. I said sorry, because, you know, I didn't really have any credit (for two months now) and I haven't thought about messaging them on facebook. Well, my Godmother and her sister (I call her aunt here) said I should definitely come over, at least for a couple of days and they even bought me a ticket. So, in two hours I'm going to be on train to Peterborough where they'll pick me up and we'll celebrate Easter together. To be honest, I'm a little bit nervous about this, because on Tuesday morning I have my first day at my new job and I don't want to miss it or be late. So probably I'll have to go home tomorrow evening. Or wake up really really early, which, as you all know, I hate.
But yeah, I packed my pyjamas, my work out clothes, my home clothes and a bottle of wine that I got yesterday (treat myself, it's holidays). I'm still debating whether I should take my laptop with me or not, but I'll probably have it with me, because, you know, addicted. And I have to watch my shows before sleeping or I won't be able to get a good rest. Ah, those habits.
I've put makeup on. I feel so pretty right now. I mean, treat myself, right? It's Easter time. I even thought of putting on a cute dress. I want to look really pretty today, I don't know if it's so my Godmother wouldn't say anything insulting or because I'll have to walk through town to the train station. Probably both. Should I do my nails as well? I have an orange nail polish. I thought about putting on a blue dress, but then my orange nail wouldn't suit it. Black, maybe? Yeah, I like black nails. Gonna do that now, then.
I'll probably write something later, but for now, Happy Easter! x

Love you x

gif from 'cats4everyone' because who can say 'no' to a cat with bunny ears? Love it ;3

Get on my memory train!

You know what, I've realised something.
Don't ask why I was thinking about it, even I can't figure out why I think what I think.

I'm pretty sure I've told you guys about my first crush. Like, the real one. And how we were hanging out with his friends all the time and eventually we all became good friends and stuff like that. What I haven't told you, I think, is that one of those friends was a son of a guy who dated my Mom when they were young. But that's not really relevant, I just wanted to share it with you, because I just love that story. Anyway, he is like a year and a half younger than me (i know, right, strange) and I was pretty sure he had a crush on me. Like, we have kissed once, but that was more of a play than a real thing. But back to what I realised. I'm friends with him for around 6 maybe 7 years. He was always fun to be around with, but since everyone knew I had a crush on another friend, everything was pretty much on friends level. Anyway, for the last year when I totally stopped being around my crush, I still met up with other guys from our group. Especially with this one and another friend. They were fun to hang around with and they really didn't want me to go abroad. So, few days before I had to go, I spent most of my evenings with them. We were joking around and stuff, but from time to time they'd make a comment that I should kiss one of them. And to be honest, I couldn't even think about it without laughing at that moment. I mean, what I thought was, 'we are friends, you know a guy whom I still probably like and you still want me to share my kiss with you?'. So, yeah, I went abroad without kissing either of them.
But that's not the point. Today, while browsing Facebook, I've remembered this episode and it made me chuckle. Why? Mostly, because present-me would totally do it. I got used to kisses so much it's not even a big deal anymore. I mean, I've kissed two of the guys from my group here and it's not strange to be around them at all. Even though I don't really hang out with them anymore (truth to be told, the longer I am alone, the better I feel about not seeing them. Good job, Judita, don't be dependant on anyone). Anyway, yeah, I've realised how much I've changed in the past seven months (oh my, it's been seven months already). Before coming here, to England, I was really complex person. The thought of kissing someone I know but I'm not in relationship with sounded like I'm a slut or something. Now? Now I care about who it is as much as... idk, I don't really care about it. I don't even know what to compare it with. But yeah, I don't know if it make me more slutty or not, but honestly, what I see from this situation is that I've grown as a person and I'm much more confident than I was before. I'm so proud of myself.
I wonder what my Mum would say about all of this. I mean, She wasn't around anymore when I got to experience my first kiss, so I don't even know how She'd react to that. My guess is, She'd be happy about me. She'd say that She's proud and as long as it doesn't make me sad, She's totally fine with what I'm doing. She was really supportive through everything, I miss Her advices and encouragements so much ;/

Anyway, no, I'm not sad ;) I'm gonna go take a shower, watch some 'House of cards' while my hair will dry and then I should go to the store to buy some eggs for tomorrow. I'm not gonna dye them, I'm too lazy, but I sure as hell eat some. It's, after all, Easter ;3

so, this gif is from '11-11' wall and I was looking through most of 'kissing' gifs to choose the best one and honestly, this one was something special. Thank you for sharing it ;3

AAAaaalll byyy myseeeeEEeeelf

Ok, so, ALL of my flatmates are gone.

I don't know how long, but it's so cool.
Not in a bad way, I mean, I like most of them...
But yeah, I'm home alone. That means I cleaned the kitchen while listening to my music really loud. And I sang and it was awesome! And I cleaned my room afterwards, I washed my light and dark clothes and now I'm stuck in my room with a pile of wet clothes, because the dryer we have in our laundry room officially gone mad. Like, I put my light clothes for drying, then came back to put my dark clothes and when I opened my the dryer of my light clothes, they were still very much wet. I brought some back to my room, but I've put my sheets to dry AGAIN with my dark clothes, but after an hour, it was still quite not dry. So you can imagine how my room looks like when I'm trying to dry it all here. and it feels like I'm in bathhouse or something. I actually went for a nap, hoping that when I wake up everything will be +- dry but naah. and air in my room actually made me more tired than before I took my nap. Which, let me tell you, is not good (even if I want to get my sleeping pattern in shape), because I still haven't done my challenges and it's a hard day today and ugh... I can't. I will, but I can't.
God I'd kill for an opportunity to go clubbing. Too bad I have no one to go with ;/ All of my friends either are gone, or working. That's probably the only bad thing of not having them around. I got used to being all by myself al the time, it's actually strange when I have to go somewhere. I could stay in bed watching tv-shows all day and night and it would be perfect, to be honest. I can't wait to start working, maybe then I'll get a chance to change my procrastinator's life to something more interesting. I told my family about it and to be honest, they annoyed me with questions what will I do. I'd tell them if I knew for myself and they still ask me every time we talk. I called to my Grandma today and she tried asking me as well, so I pretended I didn't hear that and changed the subject. Though I probably made a mistake by talking what I have in a fridge because now she thinks I'm desperately poor. And I still have 20 days to go before I'll get money from my country. Student life, I know.
Anyway, I hope you guys are having as much fun on Friday as I do! Because, let's face it, my usual laptop time is the time of my life. And I've came to a realisation that more interesting than my tv-shows are days when I go out clubbing which is actually pretty monotonic. Does anyone know anything else someone can cheaply do so it would be fun?

Love you guys x

 if parties would be at my house, that's probably how I'd look like. Fun times, right?

Gif belongs to 'golden-triangl' wall, so thanks for making it possible to put this on my blog ;)

Maybe my life is not that bad afterall

Sooo. yeah, I haven't posted anything in two days. Shame on me.

To be honest with you (Hi, by the way!) I've been up to something and I didn't want to tell anyone anything because of jinx or however that thing is called, but I think it's safe to do it now, right?
I got a job interview on Monday. It's marketing and everyone who knows me knows that I have no idea what it is about. Literally, I know nothing about marketing. But hey, since they liked my cv, they had to see something in me, right? So, yeah, I went there, I nailed it. I got a call later for a second interview on Tuesday. I went there and I nailed it again. I was offered a place in a team. They said it doesn't matter if one has experience or not, because everyone starts from the bottom and gets to learn. So, on next Tuesday it's going to be my first day of training. Honestly, I have no idea when I'll start getting paid or how much I will get but that is way better than nothing, plus I'll get a lot of new experience I've never dreamt of getting. And people whom I met there looked really nice (though something tells me it's just for the start). So, yeah, I'm quite excited. Plus, I'll have to wear nice office style clothes that I absolutely love. Though I don't have a lot of them.
Anyway, yeah, that's basically all I've been up to for the past two days. Two interviews at the same place and then tv-series for the rest of the day. I know I should really start working on my last courseworks but I can't come around to it. It sounds so booooooring :(
Ah, another thing! God, I'm excited about this one as well! I've been snapchating with one of my old friends that I've met through rpg forums and apparently we both miss forum rpg so we've decided to give it a go again. Just two of us. Now, generally I wouldn't be excited excited, but I love rpg'ing with this person so much! She's my inspiration. My mentor. Probably the reason I fell in love with rpg'ing in the first place. I mean, I have met a lot of people who knows how to have a good meeting in forum, but She's something special. I am not sure what, but aaah, I'm so excited we're doing this. I don't know how long this will last, because she's really busy with her studies, but I'm going to have the time of my life rpg'ing with her. And the best part (everything is the best part, honestly) is that we actually do a lot of posting. Not like one post per week as my tumblr rpg partner (that I adore so much because she keeps me on my toes with my English writing skills!). Anyway, I can't wait to tell you guys more about it. Just give me a few days to get used to my characters and I'll give you everything there is to know ;3
Oh, and for the occasion that I've been offered a position at the Marketing firm, I baked my famous condensed milk cake (pie or whatever)! To be honest it wasn't quite right, but still quite tasty. I shared it with my flatmate (I think there were just two of as until today. Now I think I'm alone :|)  and now I had half of it left... yeah, had. I was watching 'House of Cards' (YES I TOOK A NEW TV SHOW BECAUSE EVERYTHING ELSE IS BORING) and ate maybe 4 pieces. Shame on me, I know...

Anyway, have a nice day, I'm going back to the tv-shows and rpg. God I love my life <3

And that's, my dear children, was my reaction when I realised that I'll get to rpg with my friend ^-^
Thank you, 'kx-gifs' for making it possible for me to put this on my blog ;3

Monday, amirite?

well my Monday plans just got cancelled. Why, you ask?
Because apparently I was charged each time I took money out of atm machine and when I thought I was left with ten more euros, I actually got into a debt.
Fun times.

And I thought I'll go and buy coffee. Yeah, not gonna happen. I might want to learn how to live without it, or start sleeping at someones elses house so I could drink their coffee in the morning. Too bad I know no one who is still in Leicester and drinks coffee. Fun, totally.
So what can I do today? probably nothing. Maybe I should scrub my shoes so they'd look like new. Ha, good joke, love it. I thought I'll do my laundry, but then again, I have no money to buy even one pair of tokens. God why it's so hard to be an adult... I want to cry and stop existing. Can I do that without dying?
Mondays, right?

But yeah, let me talk about something more happy. I had a really nice dream today. It had everything I could wish for - I got to drive, I was a witch and I had really handsome enemy with whom I was in love-hate relationship. I can't even describe how fun it was. And honestly, it's the second night in the row when I have like a really vivid dream. Yesterday was with McAvoy (omg I love him so much) and we met and he was really cool... anyway, I can't remember the last time I had a dream I could remember like all of it. I kind of like it, I woke up in a really good mood. Well, until, obviously, I checked my bank account. I tried calling my aunt to ask for money (for fucks sake) but she's out of reach. oh well, I'll just have to hope for the best. Like, a miracle or smth. God I'm so screwed. I need a job.

Ok, I don't want to keep talking about it, so, bye.

'alyciadebnamcarei' thank you for these gifs ;3

Can somebody just hire me already? please?

If all of my days are going to be like this one, by the end of this Holiday, I'll end up being out of my mind.

Hi guys ;3

So, yeah, I know it's kind of late to actually post anything usual today (because I blog at night when something is really happening) but today was just not the mood to write anything. Until now, while I was browsing youtube watching BuzzFeed videos. Love those guys, seriously.
Anyway, You are probably wondering what's with the first sentence. Well, yeah, I woke up, I got a tasty breakfast, I stayed in bed watching 'Community' until like 2, then I got to the shower, then ended up searching for a job for three hours, then again, got something to eat, talked with my family, continued watching 'Community', got bored of it, cooked my dinner, started watching BuzzFeed videos up until now. My pedometer in my phone says I've made around 341 steps today. Knowing that I haven't left my bed basically all day, I'm quite proud. Oh, and you know what else I did today? I hand washed my undies,because I realised that I have like 3 dirty clothes in my laundry bag and bunch of perfectly fine undies that needs to be freshened. If that's how someone would explain it. But yeah, I hand washed it with soap for clothes so it should be fine (they are drying atm). Anyway, if anyone tomorrow will ask what I've been up to on Sunday, I will have to try and remember, because this day is just crossed out of my life. Literally, nothing major happened and it pisses me off. I wanna do something, I wanna go out and do stuff!Yeah, I sent a lot of CV's to various places and I really hope to get a call soon, but I mean, I want it to happen asap. I need a job, or I'll go mad aaaand I won't be able to pay my rent or survive. Because you know what? First question my aunt asked when I called, was if I needed more money. It was so freaking hella awkward I wanted to hang up and just hide under my blankets for the rest of my life. I hate asking money, ok? My family is not that rich and my rent is really high. I need to be able to afford myself. I can't even imagine what will happen next year, when I'll be paying even more.
But let's not talk about money. What I wanted to say is that I miss being around people. I miss interacting with strangers, I miss that pressure I get when it's busy and I have to run around. I miss all of it. I loved working even if sometimes I would rant about it. By the end of the day it felt good to know that I made someone smiling by doing something good for them. I loved being appreciated because of what I did. So, yeah, I definitely need a job where I could be around people.
And now I just feel tired. I did nothing active today (it's my rest day for challenges) and still, I feel tired. I should probably go to the shower, get into my pyjamas (though I realised how fun it is to sleep (almost) naked) and watch another episode of 'Community' or some more BuzzFeed videos. By the way, in my opinion, last two seasons of 'Community' that I've watched [I'm currently on season 6, episode 2] were pretty... I don't know. not bad, but not as good as the first or the second one. I kind of watch it just because it's easy to follow, episodes are short and I can multitask while watching it. And because I hate having unfinished series on my list [shame on me because that list is really long].
So, yeah, I'm saying good night and sweet dreams, I hope your day was better than mines x

'dancing-at-the-funeralparty' thank you for sharing this gif with tumblr community. I mean, it's so accurate. My little world is such a mess right now and I really need to fix it ;/

*angry dinosaur noises*

I am annoyed.

Everyone makes me feel angry.

Even I make myself angry.

I went out last night alright. Yeah, Mosh. I mean, I love that club, but it was terrible last night. I had great company, I had my besties with me and still I couldn't quite enjoy the evening. I had a few drinks but I felt too sober to actually relax and just dance everything off. Then I realised that yesterday was my first crushes birthday. I actually sent him a message through skype saying congrats, but he didn't even thanked me. Oh well. That's not my problem, is it.
Then again, I looked around, I saw plenty of handsome guys and I couldn't even think of a way to walk to them and say hi. And I made out with my friends flatmate. Not that it's a big deal, we were cool afterwards.

But yeah, I'm not in the mood today as well. I kept waking up to my flatmates giggles (she has a friend staying over for a few days) and yeah, that means I didn't get to sleep well. And trust me, after a night out, I need my 'stay-in-bed' day more than anything else. But yeah, I did manage to get up, get in the shower, clean my room (because I couldn't decide what to wear and my clothes were literally everywhere), I even made pasta. I still need to do my challenge, but I still couldn't quite prepare for it. I will, don't worry. It's not hard today (just 160 squats) and some other things for legs. Leg day, yay. I love those. But still, I'd rather stay in my bed.
Uuu, and my rpg partner replied. Finally. But honestly, I have no idea how to reply and that's so not me. I always know how to reply, that's my talent! Maybe it's my 'hungover'? Though I didn't really felt anything I drank. God, everything annoys me, really.
And what is more, all of my friends are going back home for holidays. This means like 3 weeks alone. Literally, I'll go mad through that time. Anyone knows any free activities in Leicester? I'd be up for basically anything.
Anyway, I can't even concentrate on writing, so I'm gonna stop right there.

Hope you guys are having a great Saturday x

'ohmyreactionsgifs' thank you for this gif. I mean, I don't have patience with myself, this can't get any worse, right?

So, Holidays are about to begin...

Hii!

Little by little I'm getting used to listen to sad songs. Well, I don't really think they are that sad, but that's not what I'd usually listen to. Yeah, Arctic Monkeys. I have like 5 favourite songs now. I really hope to hear them in Mosh tonight.
Yeah, Mosh ;3 to be honest, it became a joke to me to ask guys out to Mosh every week. Well, whenever I'm with them. But yeah, today I'm going with my girls, because it's like the last minutes to hang out before they'll leave for holidays. I really need to find something to do during these few weeks.
Uuh, by the way, my flatmates said my apple pie was really delicious! I'm so proud of myself. I'd bake more of it, but I can't be bothered to go and buy more apples. And I can't really afford it, can I? Anyway, it was so nice to share it with them. I mean, after someone got us free pizza, I couldn't help myself but to return the favour.
God I'm so not in the mood to write. But since I've already started, I might as well talk about something. I just need to think of a topic. Should I talk about what am I going to wear to the club? I was thinking I should put shorts on, because I'm inlove with them. I really wanted to put my knee socks as well, but they don't really stay in their place, so it would be a burden to have to adjust them all the time. And I don't really have anything that would go nice with shorts. I mean the top bit. Shame my auntie forgot to put my best tops in that package I got on my birthday. I specifically asked for them and yeah, instead I got few dresses and some t-shirts I can wear at home. It's so hard being a girl, honestly. Always look nice, know what to wear to look cute and shit like that. Look at me now, for example. I'm in my bed atm, with greasy hair (it's a mask, don't worry) in my pyjamas, with no intention of leaving for another few hours. Though I'm pretty hungry, so I'll probably go to the kitchen to make something.
And I still need to do my challenge today. You have no idea how little motivation I have left. I mean, I do like results so far, but it takes ages to complete and there a few exercises that I really hate and... yeah, working out is so not for me. After this month, I'm gonna stick with stretching and maybe a few squats.
BY THE WAYYYY, I can actually do a split now. I'm so proud of myself ;3 give me a few more weeks and I'm gonna be as flexible as I was before. Aah, good old cheer leading times. I really miss dancing. Not in the club, no. I miss repetitions and same music and same moves and everything about it. I would love to join dancing society, but I'm not really that rich for it. And I don't think I could do it now, by the end of the year. Oh well, we'll need to wait for next year. I was really interested in pole dancing at the beginning o this year, but I couldn't go to auditions, so that was not fun. Can you imagine me, dancing on the pole? Hahahahaha, no. Please, don't.

Ok, I'm gonna end it now, I am actually really really hungry and I think that no one is in the kitchen atm, so it's a good chance to go and make something in my pyjamas without being judged. God, why do I even care about it...

everything is better with a Deadpool dancing on a pole. thanks, 'stark-potato' for sharing it ;3 I could watch it all day and giggle all the time ^-^

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

me.
 I don't know why I chose this title, I was just singing Spongebob's opening and decided, that I want it on my blog.
God, I like talking today, don't I? It's my third entrie tonight (well, technically it's after 12 already, but I still haven't slept, so.... yeah, I still count it as 17th of March).

Anyway, I actually showed guys my blog. I mean, it's not a secret or anything, but when they've started reading it in front of me, I felt quite strange. I talk about them a lot, don't I? And sometimes I write really personal stuff. Maybe that's why I didn't want them to read it while we all were together (well, not all of us, but still). I know that guys are totally different when they are not around others, so I'd feel much more comfortable if they'd read it without any rude or sarcastic comments. It's a journal, you know? A diary. And if everyone can read it, it doesn't mean that everyone should tell that to my face. But yeah, not that I wouldn't laugh about everything as well. I write about my crushes, whom they are friends with and I don't really fancy commenting about it.
Though I had a great evening. I can't remember the last time I giggled so much (well, probably the last time I hang out with them). But seriously, they make me feel happy. I don't quite feel that while being with my girls.
ok, pause.
As I mentioned before, I write everything I think at the moment I write. And I actually stopped for a second because I didn't know what else I could say. I mean, I obviously should say that both of my friend groups have different cons and pros, but I think it's quite obvious whom I'd rather chose, if needed. God that sounds awful, I'm an awful person.
But honestly, scolding guys on that night when I met them was the best damn thing I've done while being here. I'm so glad I did it (well, not the scolding, the talking).
I should totally stop writing right now. I promised guys I'd mention them in my post and talk about a great evening we had and look where that went.

see ya, have a good night and sweet dreams x

'micdotcom' thank you for sharing this gif ;3

now, I know what movie this is from, but don't get me wrong, I was just searching for a gif that would have a guy and a girl in it. As a friends.

And I really like Mila Kunis <3

Mood for the Thursday evening

I feel CRAZYYY!

I wanna dance,
 I wanna sing,
I wanna go everywhere!
(no, I'm not drunk)
 I FEEL HAPPY!
(that's a sign of me being totally depressed)

I have music on, I have dress on, I shaved my legs, I feel FANTASTIC!

Stupid me.

Helloooo~

I am stupid.
Ha, love to start my blog this way.
But seriously, I am. My friend doesn't talk with me for weeks and BAM, they need something - act like nothing is wrong. I hate when someone does that. You know why? Because I should say FUCK YOU and instead I say 'Yeah, sure, I'll help ya'. To be honest, I an so used to being used when someone need something that I don't even care anymore. You need me to do something? Yeah, of course. It doesn't matter that it takes my time and my mood (usually I feel really bad after that) I will always help everyone out. So, yeah, I am stupid. I'd probably jump from the building if someone would say they need me to. But yeah. I did what I was asked to and then it was pretty... I don't know what's the word, but it wasn't good. Especially when I got to just walk away by myself because no one bothered to ask me to hang out together. I do need to be asked, ok? I don't just invite myself. I mean, yeah, maybe it's guys night and they don't need me, but they still could have explained, right?
Anyway, I went home almost in tears. I don't even know why. I couldn't cry, obviously, because I was wearing my mascara, but it took a lot of deep breaths to keep it in. And then I got home and did what I had to. When I'm in this kind of mood, I always bake. And this time it's an apple pie (omg guys it's the best, everyone loves it). I was peeling apples, singing to the Arctic Monkeys and little by little, I felt better. It always helps. Not the singing, baking. I love making pies (or cakes, I still can't decide what is what). And I was stupid enough to text them and say if they want any, they are welcome to come around. Stupid me. They obviously said no.
At least I'll have all of my pie to myself, right? Maybe I'll share with my flatmates, someone bought us pizza, so I could at least say 'thank you' by doing this. Maybe. Or I could keep it to myself and have something tasty for a few days.
I should probably do my challenge, it takes about an hour to complete it now. It doesn't sound so hard as well, so... yeah. I will probably go and do it (even if I don't feel like it). Though, yeah, writing about all of this kind of ruined my mood again. I need my songs! Let's pray there will be no sad ones, or I'll find myself crying in the middle of my room. Stupid pms. Stupid me.

love you guys to the moon and back, I really needed to say all of this to someone x

 this gif and url that it is from '

life-is-a-very-big-joke' literally me right now. Like, really. My life is one big joke and I'm stupid, because I know how I should act and I still don't do it.

*5 months later* 'we have bad news'

Hi, guys..

I got bad news today. Well, I don't know how much of a 'news' since this happened 5 months ago.
Apparently, my grandad from my Dad's side passed away. And no one from that side of my family were kind enough to actually tell it to me. I mean, yeah, maybe calling to me is quite expensive, but they could have contacted my relatives back in Lithuania. And my cousin didn't mention it as well. And I wouldn't have found out at all, probably, if I wouldn't have gotten a letter from an institution that deals with the inheritance. I mean, I don't want anything from him, I can't remember the last time I saw him. And I know that he couldn't even remember me. Anyway, it's nothing much anyway. It's a house that would be shared amongst all of my aunts and uncles from his side. But I don't care about it. I mean... I lost someone from my family and no one bothered to tell me. No one. That freaking hurts.

But I don't want to talk about it. I mean, I barely knew the man, he barely cared for anything and didn't try to stay in touch. I know my Dad wouldn't be happy about me, reacting this way, but I'm pretty sure he understands that I can't be sad for people whom I don't know. I barely have any memories of him. I have more memories of my Dad and I lost him when I was almost 5, so, you can compare.

Anyway, I talked with my fam today. Quite a long time, to be honest. My uncle was in town, my Grandma came, so it was almost like family reunion or something. I'm not gonna lie, I would have loved to be with them today. I don't know why. I just feel that I shouldn't be alone. Though it's pretty obvious that I'm going to be, since it's quite late at their place now and they had to go. And my friends are being pricks again. I mean squad ones. I can't really make myself text the guys asking to chill. I asked if anyone from squad would like to go to McDonalds with me (just in case no one wants to chill) and basically, I got ignored. Not the best feeling in the world. Maybe it's just not my day.
And on top of all of this, my rpg partner seems really busy, so I can't even get my mind onto something else. I mean, I do have a project I'm working on, but that one needs inspiration and shit, and I don't have any of that.
As I say, not my day.
I think I'm gonna stop here, I don't want to ruin anyones mood ;3

literally me, 'sadtastical'. thanks for this gif. it's so freaking accurate.

So, holidays are coming...

I didn't say 'Hi' in my previous post, did I?

Hi ^-^

I feel proud of myself. I caught up with 'Supernatural' and 'Suits' and now I have no idea what I want to watch next. I tried 'How to get away with murder' but honestly, I felt asleep. I don't like it at all. I'm not really in the mood for 'Downtown abbey' because, you know, I should start pms'ing soon and I'm not ready to cry for someone fictional.
While we're on pms topic, I have noticed that if I have a lot of acne on my face before, ya know, red fort, then my moods are a bit more stable. But I think that's when it hurts the most during the first day. And if my mood swings a lot, then I don't have acne and it doesn't hurt so so badly. Does anyone else have the same thing?
Ok, back to tv-shows. So, now I'm on 'American Horror story'. I actually liked the first season and I was in a middle of the second one (I think I watched that one for inspiration for tortures when I needed it for rpg haha) and I think I'm gonna go on with it. I mean, yeah, it's quite terrible for evenings, but I wouldn't be me if I wouldn't try, right? If I was able to watch 'Supernatural' (which, btw, became more funny than scary) I am able to watch that one as well.
But then again, I was watching 'Community' and I'm in the middle of season 3 there, but to be honest, it starts to become boring. Maybe it's because I was watching it daily? I probably should take a break from that.
To be honest with you, I have a list on my laptop what I am watching and where I'm stuck (because I just simply can't remember all of it). But I was staring at it for a few minutes and still couldn't decide whether I want to watch what I've started already. Though I promised myself that I have to finish all of them before taking any new ones (I watched first 3 episodes of htgawm a looooong time ago so it's on my list, but it's still really boring). But hey, if any of you have any good shows to suggest, comment, ok? I really want to hook up with something since Holidays are near and guess who is spending them alone, in her room, with a lot of food.
Oh, by the way, today is day 15th of my challenge. I love squats, I love jumping jacks, I love bridges, but for God's sake, who created burpees and lunges? asdfghjkl I'm tired. Like, it takes more and more time for me to complete everything and I'm starting to wonder if I still want to do it. I'm really lazy these days.

Anyway, I'm gonna go and watch 'ahs' now. Have a nice evening x

 Can I get an Amen for 'insidethekristalball' gif? because yes, It is totally fine to watch tv (in my case, laptop screen) all day. No judging, I love it. Thanks for this gif ;3

They can call me whatever they feel like it.

So, I was talking with my Auntie/guardian today. We haven't talked in four days so I was really looking forward to tell her all about my boring Sunday ;3

But then

she heard me wrong the first time. I mean, I told her that being with my girls was not quite as fun as I thought it will be and she heard it like it was really cool night. And she started ranting about how I shouldn't be hanging out with guys all the time, maybe I shouldn't hang out with them at all because... wait for it... THERE WILL BE NASTY RUMOURS ABOUT ME.
First of all, I couldn't care less of what other people think about me.
Second of all, what's the worst someone can say?(though I doubt that I'm interesting enough to be talked about). They can say I'm a slut? A whore? A bitch? Why? Because I hang out with 3-5 guys at the same time? Let me tell you this, if someone wants to call me this way just because I hang out with coolest people ever, I'm totally fine with it.
Third of all, if she meant that guys could start spreading false rumours about me, that's shame on them, not me. Tell someone I slept with you and I'm gonna tell the world you bark while having sex. Do you think I care if everyone know that I'm a virgin or not? God damn no. I know that back in Lithuania there was a situation where people talked that I sleep around with everyone. Like, someone actually went to my aunt one day and asked is it true that Judita is doing it with everyone. I mean, she wasn't happy, but I had a good laugh when she told me. What if I do sleep around? Does it hurt anyone else if I do?

So, yeah, when she told me, that she doesn't like me hanging out with guys, I was shocked. I always thought she's like, the cool aunt or smth, because of how she was when she was my age (don't misunderstand, she's like 28 right now, so there is just 9 years gap between us). Either way, it wasn't really nice of her. I corrected her after she ranted all of it and I saw how confused she got. I mean, I told her that she misheard me and that hanging out with girs wasn't as fun as it is hanging out with guys (even if I haven't heard from them in a while). Then she said that I shouldn't decide about my girl friends just from one night and changed the topic.
But honestly, that made me think that even my Aunt thinks about me this way. And her opinion means a lot to me. I know my Mum would laugh and say that it's totally my decision and She'd love my guys as well. They are not bad people.

Anyway, I'm not deciding between my friend. I love all of my friends equally.

see you x

 gif from 'loveviral' , thanks for sharing it ;)

#Browsing 'Yik yak' and finding something relatable

Heyyyy...

Ok, so, yesterday I didn't post anything because a)I woke up pretty late b)I went to town to get some needed stuff c)my girls had a sleepover and I didn't bring my laptop with me.
You are probably wondering why the fuck I went to the town when I'm poor as fuck. Honestly, I needed like one thing from poundland, but I can't just go to that store and buy one thing. So I spent two pounds there. And then we went to wilkos (or however that shop is called) and I bought more kind of needed stuff that was quite cheap. And then, of course, Iceland, where I spend five pounds. At least I have 3 frozen pizzas, strawberry jam (I'm planning on making a pie for Easter break) and garlic bread. Yeah, I know, not a good idea to spend my savings (what am I kidding, this money should have went on my rent).
Anyway, during our shopping time girls suggested that we should have a girls night. Now, truth to be told, I love this kind of things. Especially when one of my girls previously said she hates girls nights. I was pretty sure it will be something like dinner, manicures, pedicures, face masks and funny stories about something, but instead, we had a dinner (which was pretty delicious) and then we ended up watching Drag Queen show for the rest of the evening. Sorry, all of the evening. It was so not what I expected. And it broke my heart when one of my boys messaged me saying he's bored. To be honest, I actually started to think of an excuse to go and keep him company, but I don't get many chances of being with my girls (and I still had hopes for manicures or at least pillow fight)... Anyway, I ended up staying with them instead of going to the guys. But again, honestly, I kind of regret that.
I'm not saying my girls are not as good as my guys, no. They all have their pros and cons. I'm just saying that at least with boys there is always some kind of interaction or jokes or something. What happened yesterday? We ate while watching that show, then we went to her room, I ended up on the floor (where, btw, I slept) and I played with my phone all the time because none of us said a thing. Just that show that kept going on. I'm pretty sure I was the first one to fall asleep because I was so bored. I thought about going home, but you know me, I love my friends too much.

I saw an yik yak today about 'how do you make friends these days?' and there was a reply that you just go to someone and start talking. I'm pretty sure that's how it worked twenty, thirty years ago because it was common, but tbh, if someone just come up to me saying they wanna hang out, I'd probably just go away. I mean, I want to have as many friends as possible, but I have no idea how to make them. I mean, I met my guys due to one of them living in the same building as me, but that was just a lucky thing, I guess. So, yeah. I have no idea how to make friends and I'm really trying not to let the idea 'I'm gonna end up all alone' in my head. Maybe it's the stress that causes me to be anxious about everything. Stupid money. Without it, world would be at peace.

Peace out, babes x

gif from 'movies-quotes' and God Damn that quote is right. Thank you for this gif x

Strange morning

ok, so apparently watching 'Supernatural' just before going to sleep is not that good of an idea. Not that I had nightmares or something, naaah. It was just a little bit scary to actually lay in my bed until I fell asleep. Thank God (or rather my Friend who gave him to me) for Brad!
Though I have no idea how the hell did I sleep. When I finally woke up my mattress was away from the wall for like 3-5 centimetres. I have no idea how that could've happened. It actually is pretty hard to move it.

Anyway, I had like 5 hours of sleep tonight. Not because I couldn't sleep, naah, I could sleep all day and be fine with it, but because I've decided to volunteer at the 'States of independence' - some kind of publishing event. Honestly, I want to do something with publishing after finishing uni, but I have no idea what publishing is about. I mean, is it hard, what exactly would I be doing and stuff like that. I bet that would be a great chance to actually see what publishers do. (that reminds me to chose my modules for next year)

You know what I'm listening while writing this? Taylor Swift. I don't really know why, but it kind of keeps me together. Not that I'm broken or something, I just feel quite strange this morning. Maybe I'm still half asleep, but I have a feeling that something might happen today. I'm just not quite sure if it's good or bad thing.
And my coffee is weak. Tasty, but weak. And I need to go shopping because I don't have bread and my butter is almost finished. But I really don't have any money to spend, since my money from two months (what I'm getting from my country for being an orphan) is now going to my rent. And I still need a few more pounds to cover that. I really desperately need job, that's just terrible how I have to use all of my savings on this apartment that I don't even like anymore. I wish I could move out of here. Maybe I should leave for a few days? To be honest, I'd love to go somewhere, but I have no idea where. I could visit my Godmother or her sister but I don't really feel like being a babysitter. I could visit my uncle but I'm not really sure where he lives and how much would it cost. I have another aunt  here but I haven't talked with her in ages and to be absolutely honest, I don't thing we ever were close, because she's my aunt from my Dad's side. I could visit my rpg partner, but it would cost way too much than I can spend.
But I don't want to whine about money, because I know I talk about it way too much. I'm always talking about my problems instead of something that makes me happy. Well, I'm happiest when my friends are around. And they are really busy at the moment. God I wish they wouldn't leave over the break. I will be sooo lonely. At least for Christmas holidays I had something to put my mind in. I mean job. I had job that took my mind of how lonely I am. I have no idea what I will do this holiday. Shit I hate holidays. Seriously. It sucks when my family is not around.

Sorry, I'm negative today. I hate that as well. I should probably head to the shower to get ready.

talk to you later babes x

I really hope I will get better during the day.
gif from 'ohsoswiftly' blog,
thanks for sharing it ;3

Advice on hair

Hey guys!

So, I had a best night's sleep tonight. I don't know if it's best best, but I woke up totally rested. I love it. I had pretty tasty breakfast too ;3 (it's coffee and pasta with cream sauce. Delicious ;3)
Anyway, what am I doing now? I'm sitting in my bed with a bag and towel on my really greasy hair. Why greasy, you say? I'm treating my hair with this homemade mask that I've been using for a few years now. Well, not regularly, since I didn't have coconut oil for a long time, but trust me, after every use my hair looks and feels like heaven. And all I use is coconut and castor oil. Just mix them up, warm it a little bit and then put it all in your hair. What I like to do is put the bag over my hair and cover it with a towel to keep it warm all the time. That way hair absorbs everything better.
So, yeah, no nap time for me! I was thinking what could I do while waiting and to be honest, I couldn't thing of anything interesting. I cleaned my room yesterday, so there is nothing to do now. I could write a story or something, but my inspiration is gone these days. Watching tv-shows became pretty boring, I don't feel like working out and reading a books means I will want to lay down which I can't do because I don't want to grease my pillows. See, nothing to do.
I woke up today wishing to go clubbing. Like, Mosh, maybe. Free entry, you know. But the point is, I have no one to go with. My '#squad' is busy, I don't really feel like asking guys out (I was told yesterday that it sounds wrong) and, well, I don't really have more friends, do I? I'm actually tempted to go alone but that would just look really desperate. Ech, I guess I'll just have to dance alone in my room. I can do that in my underwear which is really cool. To be honest with you, I became inlove with my body. I know it's faaaaar from perfect but I love it so much. Every curve, every stretch mark and every hairy part (yeah, I have a lot of hair on my body) - I love it so much I could literally be naked all the time. So maybe being in my room alone is not such a bad idea. Of course, I'd love to have a mirror in here so I could adore myself (narcissist, I know) but you can't have everything, right?
Anyway, I feel pretty happy today. I hope I won't ruin it with something stupid ;3

Love you guys so much x

gif belongs to 'laljipota' thanks for sharing ;3