I'm too lazy to come up with this title

You know the feeling when you think that everything is alright, when truth is, you want to rip your heart out so you wouldn't feel?
I do.
To be honest, I feel like it right now. I never felt so alone and lonely in my life. I don't even know why so. I was going through some old photos and I saw my Mum and my friends and everyone I left back in Lithuania. I would text my best friend, but honestly, I don't even want to talk about it. I just need a hug. I need someone to hug me and keep me in their arms for a little bit. I don't want to feel so alone as I do feel right now.
I was alone all day and it was fine, really. I had a great nap, I had great lunch, I watched tv-show, I played a few games, I actually built a card house that I was so proud of. I had music to keep me company and I was absolutely fine with this. Until now. Until recently when I realised that I haven't talked with my aunties in three days. That my Godmother doesn't care if I want to visit her. I realised that it's always me who asks my friends out. Can I even call them friends if that's the case? Damn, I'm being dramatic. I don't like it. But it's not the first time I'm thinking about it, though. I know it's a middle of the week and everyone has their stuff to do, but... but I feel left out. Am I annoying? I have noticed that no one really cares to talk with me. The other day when I baked a pie (cake) guys left pretty early. And then on Tuesday my other friends basically ignored everything I said. I mean, I know I'm not the most interesting person in the world and I don't practically like talking much, but common, if I try to say anything, can they at least listen?
I know, I know I shouldn't be saying this. I love my friends. I just don't think that's how friends should act. Gosh I miss my friends back in Lithuania. I mean, I do have a friend that I saw like once a month but we'd always have the best time. I miss her everyday and I really wish she'd be with me right now. And then there is another friend that I see even less. But she's the best, that's for sure. I can't imagine my life without her. She's always there for me when I need it. And now she's not here to hug me. I feel like this is falling apart.

Happy thoughts? Yeah, sure. I went to the workshop today. I barely listened but who cares. I cleaned my room, I fed myself, I had a nap and I had time to reminisce about everything interesting that has happened to me. And it's my Brother's/Cousin's/Godson's birthday tomorrow. And I don't have money to even buy him a present. The best Sister/cousin/Godmother ever. I kind of feel like my own godmother that cares about her more than her children. But hey, I will not become like her. I love my Godson too much.

anyway, I hope you are having better evening than I do. Because obviously I'm not talking with anyone today. I want my friends to make an effort to see me at least once.

and there is dancing Brad Pitt from 'haidaspicciare' blog (thank you for sharing it). I feel like I deserve this gif on my blog. I need it. It makes me feel slightly better and I hope this gif makes you smile as well :3