Don't read this without tissue by your side.

Ok, sorry, but no happy thoughts on this one, so if you don't want to cry at the end of it, I suggest you don't read this.

I'm dying. Not literally, but I feel like I want to. to Die, I mean. Not because everything would fall apart. No. My life is perfect. Or at least pretty good. The point is, that I'm dying because I miss so many people. I miss my family in Lithuania, I miss my friends, even if I didn't have many, I miss everything... But that's not the missing that I would die for. I miss my Parents. I miss them so fucking much. You know, me and my Mum had the best relationship ever. I could talk with Her for hours about anything and everything knowing that She won't judge me for it. I could totally be crushing out about some hottie I saw in the street, I could be shipping characters from series She doesn't even know and She would smile at me. She would smile and be happy for me. She always did this to me. You know, She was my best friend. She was my sister, my Mother, my Saint one, my Everything. Do you have any idea how it feels to lose someone that important? To lose someone so important, you can't even breath without Them. Even though I say I'm fine with it, that it's already been two years and I'm used to this now, well, guess what. I'm fucking not. I want to hug Her every second, every minute. It hurts every time I try to breath. Every time I do anything, that I know I would want Her to know about. I know, I know She is with me every time, but I miss Her hugs so fucking much. I wish I could take Her into my hands and never let go. I wish I could apologise for every time I made Her sad. That I could apologise about our last conversation. I wish I could... I miss Her too much. I want to talk with Her. I want to tell her about everything. About my problems, about my happiness, about my crushes and my enemies. I want to hear Her voice. I want Her to tell me that it's fine. That She is here and She will fix everything that is wrong. I miss Her. I miss Her so much I could die. The only thing keeping me from doing something is Her judgement. I know She would be so disappointed of me. I couldn't bear with it. I miss her. I want Her to hug me. I miss Her hugs so much. Maybe that's why I love hugging that much. Maybe that's why I always give hugs. I try to find someone, whose hug would be even a bit similar to Hers... I think, that I found it. But I'm not sure I can afford to let myself have that. Oh, I wish She would be here to tell me what's wrong and what's right. She always knew what to say. What a Person. Everyone loved Her. I wish I could be more like my Mum. I know I never be exactly like Her, but I want to try. I don't want to disappoint Her because of my behaviour... Oh, I need Her advice right now. I need Her to tell me what to do. I'm lost, Mum. Help me.

...
I know I could not publish it. But what the point of writing it then?

I borrowed this gif from "depresseddisneyprincess".