Basic white (insert the ending here)

You know, I wrote down here how much I have changed during the first year here. Now I feel how much more I have changed during second.
First year was  that cute naive little potato with a confidence of a rabbit. Now I keep hearing I'm becoming a basic white girl (although I say bitch instead of girl). The only thing that separates me from being one is that I don't have bunch of friends whom I would go out to daily.
Let me confess real quick, I have too little time to tell you all the details from Paris, I probably never will, but I just want to get it out of my chess, because friends seems to not be enough. I sent my first proper sexy picture via snapchat. You know, like the bra and sexy pose and stuff like that. The problem was, I fucking enjoyed sending it. I enjoyed the response I got and it got me a bit addicted to the attention I got because of it. It was one person whom I know for a long time (even though didn't talk since I came to uk) and I couldn't decide whether I did it because I wanted to get my revenge or I wanted to do it to see if it could work what didn't work before.
There were episodes where I caught myself thinking about a boy who has a girlfriend. About how I don't care that there is someone in his life, that I want him to be mine. I'm so confident I don't care about someone elses relationship. A year ago, I would have walked away and be ashamed I like someone who has their significant other. Now? Now I'm thinking about the ways I could get what I want. Bitch? Bitch. I know it's wrong, but honestly, I couldn't care less.

Anyway, gotta go, still love my blog even though I abandoned it xx

Empty basic white girl

I'm not gonna write a long post i just really need to say this somewhere to get it out of my chest.

I used to hate myself so much I couldnt look in the mirror. I used to cry because I thought I was ugly and fat. I was told by my crush I'm fat and he told me I'm not normal.

It took me almost four years to get to the point where I can love myself again. Step by step and I'm feeling great about myself. I love the way I look with or without make up, I love my body (maybe not every inch of it, but most of it) and I'm confident. But we were hanging out yesterday with other students and I was told I look like a girl who would listen to Britney Spears or Katy Perry. So basically that typical slutty white girl. And I felt so... empty? Yeah, probably a right word. Like all I was taken for was my appearance. Not who I am inside. But then I thought about it more and I've realised that it's actually accurate. I mostly talk about myself, but you know why? Because I hate being wrong and when I talk about myself, I'm never wrong. I'm not sure what I should tell people I barely know, what topics I should choose to start this new friendship and just... I just dont know how to make friends. I fell inlove with my outside, but I destroyed that 'not normal' funny girl I used to be. I'm not even sure I have a character anymore.

Have a lovely evening, thanks for reading x