I don't know about you, but yesterday kind of changed me.

Wazzaaap, honeys!

U probably think that it's a strange name for this post, but when I thought about yesterday, I felt something strange. I don't even know what it is, but I feel somehow different. It's not, because I finally, as someone said, got my first lesbian experience, nooo. It was fun, though. No, I actually feel really nice about yesterday, because I kind of understood I'm not the outcast in the #squad. I don't know if you know how it feels, but trust me, it's not a good feeling. I had a little nervous breakdown yesterday. You know, as always, when I get drunk and start to sober up and everything just falls apart. Well, yeah, I kind of got that and usually when I get that while I'm out, I just go to be alone for a minute. It was so freakin strange to see someone coming after me and asking if I'm alright. Oh God it was strange. And it felt so good, I almost started crying. I would've probably done that, though. But that was so sweet, I think I smiled for the first time without wanting to burst into tears. Because I always want to cry if I seem too happy for myself. Anyways, yesterday was a new experience.
And I had a good nights sleep, even if it was just for 5 hours. I felt quite rested even if it sounds strange knowing I drank probably more, than I should've had. No, guys, it's not good to get me drunk. I become too brave and even if it looks fun, I can't get the freakin images of myself out of my head for weeeeeeeks. Weeeeeks! So, yeah, it was quite strange to see some of my #squad. Sorry, guys. Anyway, I have a theory that every time I go out, my work calls me to announce I'll work the next day. I had like 3 days off this week and I asked for a Sunday off, so if I'm lucky enough, I get to work 3 more days, 5 or 6 per day which will get me around £65 for my wage of this week. It doesn't even cover my weekly rent, so this is going to be fun. I defo need another job. Or I'll have to sell my virginity on E-bay to get more money. I can imagine that as my boss intentions. Sorry, no one is insulting anyone, that's just my observations. So, yeah, fingers crossed my cv is good enough for everyone else in the city. I need a proper job, at this point I don't even care what kind of job it is.
Anyways, I'm not really into mood to express myself right now, so I'll have to leave you with this short description. If you'd like me to talk about something you'd like my opinion about, just comment and I'll be sure to do it as soon as I'll have time.

Have a good day and night, sweeties! ;)**

gif from "peaches--an--cream", thanks for sharing :)

I should scedule my Blog time.

I AM TERRIBLY SORRY!

I'm bowing low apologising. I haven't written yesterday and if I remember, the day before? Oh My God I'm so deeply sorry. I have no idea how to make up for it. I feel so ashamed to write right now, cuz I'll obviously forget to tell you all of my stuff that happened those past few days. And there was stuff happening, trust me.

No, actually, it wasn't that exciting. I mean, on Monday we went for a drink and guess who was wise enough to drink while hungry. Don't poke with ur fingers at me, Huns, it's impolite. But yeah, it was me. I couldn't really say no when Birthday Boy insisted, could I? Well, either way, I did it. And I ordered mac&cheese cuz most of the #squad said it's a food of Gods. Well, that food of Gods gave me food poisoning for the two days. I don't remember what we drank, but I know that after I went home, I went straight to bed (with the thought in my head, that we are all going out in the evening). I didn't really felt well when I woke up but I thought it was because I was sobering up. I'm not a heavy drinker, you know. I'm not used to have alcohol in my system, don't judge me. I know it's so not student-like. So yeah, that night I passed it on drinking. But when second day I was feeling as I could vomit all the way from my room to uni, I wasn't quite sure it's the alcohols fault. Trust me, it was literally hell through my workshops. I was totally dying then. If I remember correctly, we went shopping that day. Let me tell you just this - I was scared to talk more than I needed in case I would puke. So, yeah, that day I was so dying I even called to my family to say that. I need to moan a little bit. So I got a few tips for making myself feel better but I was too lazy to reach the shop, so I just went to sleep. This morning was even worse. I woke up feeling dizzy and I barely got to the shower. I think it was around 3 or 4 times when I almost passed out. Wasn't funny but hey, I'm not going to uni with greasy hair and smelly. So after I finished my shower, I got back to room, set my alarm 20 before workshop and went back to sleep. I woke up with a massive headache and I the feeling of puking came back again. I really wanted to stay in bed, but I cannot afford skipping any of the workshops. So, yeah, I put first clothes I take from my wardrobe and head down to the class. Omg, those classes are hell and the #squad is the only thing that keeps me alive for the two hours. I love those guys, seriously. Anyways, after that I got a text from my aunt saying I should have gotten my money and I'm rich again. For a bit. Anyway, it makes me feel way better. All I'm stuck with is a massive headache but it's not the first time I'm dealing with it, so it's fine. I still wasn't really in the mood to talk, but I was so determined to go with my #squad wherever they were planning on going. So yeah, I did. We ate (I got English breakfast without beans, I'm not eating sausages again any time soon), some of them got drinks, and we stayed there for a while. After that, we went shopping and I felt hella gooooood knowing I have money. Even though I still felt bad looking at prices at Primark. Seriously, I felt bad shopping at Primark, because it still looked expensive. But hey, girl has to treat herself, if she feels like shit for two days, right? So I got this coat/blanket/cloak and I'm so proud of it I'm gonna wear it all the time. Uuuuuuuu! And I got another blanket! I have a thing for blankets. It's blue and it's so soft I could close my eyes and imagine my sweet Cat being in my arms. Oh, I miss my dear child. If I'm going back to Lithuania anytime soon, I'm not coming back without my cat. Even if she can't go abroad because of the lack of the documents. And I can't have pets in my accomodation, so that sucks. Don't let me go back, folks, or u won't see me again. So, yeah, after we did a little shopping (I'm not going shopping with boys again, they were molesting us all the time!) we went home. I got some sleep and I woke up feeling way better. And here I am now, writing my blog, drinking my coffee, doing homework and listening to music. We're supposed to meet up today for drinks, because we couldn't do that on Monday, so I'm waiting for this so much! I love being with my #squad even if I can't understand them for the most of the time. Sorry, Guys, I'll get a hang of it really soon, I promise. I'll try to. I feel like I'm getting even worse with my English than before. Can it happen?
Anyways, if you have anything you would like me to talk about, just comment below and I will do that. That will be my apologise for not posting for two days. I love you guys!

gif from "plaht" and it's a cup of tea, which I'm going to fancy tonight. Thanks for sharing this gif :3

Dance ur shit out

omg you guyyys!

I want to dance so badlyyy! But my laptop doesn't have enough sound so I could dance if off in my room. I so should've taken my stereo here. Daaaamn it! I'm in such a good mood I could do smth really stupid right now! Even if I don't know what. I want to daaance! Does anyone else wants to dance? C'mooon, let's go dancing...

luv u ;33

gif from "bobbleh34d" post, thanks for sharing it :3

Preparation.

omg you guys I love birthdays!

Not the part where you have to think about gifting someone something, but I love the idea of birthday. I love to make someone feel special on this kind of special day. I guess it's my childness inside who still enjoys doing this, but c'mon, Birthdays are the best thing! Except for Christmas. Nothing is better than Christmas, but we are not talking about it today. We have a birthday todayyy! It's one of our #squad team who turns 19 now. Omg, can you imagine being 19? I still can't, really, but it's the last year when your age starts with 1, so it must be special, isn't it? I can't way to turn 19! So anyways, even if I love birthdays, I'm not really good at thinking. Like, really, I do want to make this day extra-ordinary for him, but hoooow? Well, either way, I'll come up with something. I wouldn't be me if I wouldn't. So, yeah, I'm looking forward to tell you guys what I'm up to.
Anyways, I'm sorry I didn't write anything more yesterday. I was quite busy trying to figure out why my work called me 3-4 hours before my work and rudely asked if I know that I'm starting work at 6. Seriously, I had a right to say to them, that I'm not at home and be arrogant. But naah, I'm a good person and I said I'll be there. That kind heart of mine. And you know what I was told? That they were thinking about firing me. Can you imagine how angry I was? I work my ass off for them and that's how they think about me? I'm so gonna write my cv and go to the town... tomorrow. Or on Wednesday. Sometime soon. But hey, maybe I'll get way better job with wayyyy better co-workers (even though I like most of mine right now) and so much better wage. And it would be nice to change something. I should probably dye my hair.
Uuuh, yes, dying my hair! I was searching images on google with the ideas and I found one I really really like, but. Of course there is but. I need longer hair:((( years then, years there and I'll get that. Even if it will be out fashioned. Or maybe I won't want it anymore. But for now I'm planning on sticking with my lovely ginger hair. I love word ginger, why everyone else thinks it's funny? Ginger ginger ginger! I'm so gonna be ginger by the weekend. You'll see.It will look absolutely gorgeous with my costume! (for which I kind of need bigger boobs, but that's the other thing) I love Halloween and I hope I'll have great time. At least I hope I won't look boring, cuz I ruined perfectly good dress for it. I still haven't decided if I'll wear tights or long socks, though. I would need to rip my tights o it would suit the idea, but socks might be a little too much for an innocent thing like me ;/ ugh, decisions decisions.

I still have time to think about it, so, if you have any ideas, please, let me know ;)

The gif is from "viollasdreams", so thank you for it ;)

Forgotten...?

Wazzaaaap, sweeties!

I couldn't sleep well tonight. Not because I had problems, no. I was waiting for a call from my boss, because he had to tell me if I'm working today or not. Guess who didn't recieve anything? So I have no idea if he forgot to do it, or forgot that he didn't called. I would text him myself, but you know, my credits are kind of gone. That's why either way I'm going to work - to collect my wage, that I'm not gonna happy about. I guarantee it. Wait, no, maybe I'll like this one, because I can't quite remember how much did I work, but next week... Next week is going to be really shitty. I think I should start to listen to people around me and think more about changing my work. Even though I do like my working place. Ugh, I don''t know what to do anymore...
Uuuu, Guys, have you seen new patd music video? OuuumayGaaawd! Ok, video wasn't really really good, but I loved the song! I could listen to it for the whole day. I didn't really catch what it was about, but I heard word "crown" so it must be good, right? And I liked the rhythm of the song. Probably I loved it because it's Brendon, who sang it. Anyways, song is pretty good, you should listen to it.
Ok, I'm running out of ideas what to write here. No one commented about my chapter one so I guess it's not that good as I imagined. I know it's not really the best piece of mine, but what do you want from me when I have kind of a basic vocabulary of English? I had to google around 20 words to know how to say what I wanted to say. Either way, does it mean I shouldn't continue that, or I just need you to give more time to read it and have an opinion?

Well, since I hope I'll make another post today, that's it for now. Luv u guys x

"your bullshit" means my own, don't worry, sweeties, I love you!
Gif is from "getweird1d", thank you ;)

Don't read this without tissue by your side.

Ok, sorry, but no happy thoughts on this one, so if you don't want to cry at the end of it, I suggest you don't read this.

I'm dying. Not literally, but I feel like I want to. to Die, I mean. Not because everything would fall apart. No. My life is perfect. Or at least pretty good. The point is, that I'm dying because I miss so many people. I miss my family in Lithuania, I miss my friends, even if I didn't have many, I miss everything... But that's not the missing that I would die for. I miss my Parents. I miss them so fucking much. You know, me and my Mum had the best relationship ever. I could talk with Her for hours about anything and everything knowing that She won't judge me for it. I could totally be crushing out about some hottie I saw in the street, I could be shipping characters from series She doesn't even know and She would smile at me. She would smile and be happy for me. She always did this to me. You know, She was my best friend. She was my sister, my Mother, my Saint one, my Everything. Do you have any idea how it feels to lose someone that important? To lose someone so important, you can't even breath without Them. Even though I say I'm fine with it, that it's already been two years and I'm used to this now, well, guess what. I'm fucking not. I want to hug Her every second, every minute. It hurts every time I try to breath. Every time I do anything, that I know I would want Her to know about. I know, I know She is with me every time, but I miss Her hugs so fucking much. I wish I could take Her into my hands and never let go. I wish I could apologise for every time I made Her sad. That I could apologise about our last conversation. I wish I could... I miss Her too much. I want to talk with Her. I want to tell her about everything. About my problems, about my happiness, about my crushes and my enemies. I want to hear Her voice. I want Her to tell me that it's fine. That She is here and She will fix everything that is wrong. I miss Her. I miss Her so much I could die. The only thing keeping me from doing something is Her judgement. I know She would be so disappointed of me. I couldn't bear with it. I miss her. I want Her to hug me. I miss Her hugs so much. Maybe that's why I love hugging that much. Maybe that's why I always give hugs. I try to find someone, whose hug would be even a bit similar to Hers... I think, that I found it. But I'm not sure I can afford to let myself have that. Oh, I wish She would be here to tell me what's wrong and what's right. She always knew what to say. What a Person. Everyone loved Her. I wish I could be more like my Mum. I know I never be exactly like Her, but I want to try. I don't want to disappoint Her because of my behaviour... Oh, I need Her advice right now. I need Her to tell me what to do. I'm lost, Mum. Help me.

...
I know I could not publish it. But what the point of writing it then?

I borrowed this gif from "depresseddisneyprincess".

'The girl with the gun in her hands'

 As many of you know, I love writing. And as I am inspired, I thought it's time I start a project in English. I don't promise a masterpiece, but I want to share it with someone, so I would get an opinion. I love when someone comments my work, so, here you go. If you like it and you think I should continue with this piece, please comment. Enjoy ;)


Chapter 1

'shoot,'I heard a voice whispering into my ear.
He put his arms around my waist and slided his palms into a hug. He hugged me from the back, as if he wanted me to know, that he feels my fear. Oh, boy, I was shaking. The gun in my hand wasn't steady at all. I know Kayl ordered me not to move it, he told me that if I miss my target, I'll become one.
'I... I can't,'I hear myself whispering back.
'DO IT!' now he shouts into my ear.
I startle and at the same moment room fills up with the sound of a gun shooting. Second later I hear myself screaming. Kayl pushes me away from him and I fall down on the cold, wet ground. The point is, I don't even want to get up. I lay there sobbing and shaking, knowing, that I'm next.
'Damn it, girl. You missed,' He laughs, as he walks towards the target,'He was right in front of you and you missed. We need to work on your aim more.'
'Please, let me go. I don't want this. Please,' as I haven't pissed him off sufficiently, I murmur.
After echo of my voice stopped ringing it the room, there was a silence. Even the water stopped dripping as it was scared to see what happened next. This deadly silence ringed in my ears for a good minute and I was scared even to breath more, than I needed.
'Where would you go?' He whispers. 
He knows that even this soft voice of his makes me tremble. Oh boy, I was shivering. I don't remember the last time Kayl made me shiver that much. I push myself from the ground barely knowing what's happening around me. I rise my head so I could see his face and I try, oh boy, I try not to cry.
'Can we go home? Please. I want to go home.'
Kayls face changed. If he was angry before, now he was furious. For a second. After that, he started to laugh.
'Please don't do this!'
I scream, but it's too late. The sound of the shooting gun fills this room again and someones else blood exudes on my face. After that, Kayl comes towards me, lowers himself so his face would be on the same level as mine and takes my chin into his palm.
'Now we can go home, dear.'
He whispers in his seducing voice. I can feel my heart going faster and faster every second as he stares deeply into my eyes. After a minute or so, he leans towards me and grants me with the kiss. My not so shaking hands hugs him tightly and all of me leans towards him. Of course I reply to his kiss. I don't have a choice. I love Kayls kisses. I'm addicted.

I can't tell how I got back to my room. My all white, huge room. I think I passed out after I saw my reflection in the puddle. I was all covered in blood. Even now, remembering this, I shiver. I hate blood. I hate everything about that day. I hate everything.
The knock on the door makes me jump out of bed. I put a robe on my clean, naked body and as I was starting to walk towards the door, they opens.
'Oh, you are awake,'the smile on Kayls face makes me smile back.
'I slept really good. Thank you.'
The pride on his face suits him. Everything suited that son of a bitch. Deeply green eyes of his runned down my covered body and his lower lip went down.
'I was hoping to see you naked,' Kayl says, as if he is about to cry.
'I have nothing underneath it. Did you took my clothes off when we got back?'
'I literally had to carry you from there to here. Of course I took your clothes off.'he rolled his eyes, making me feel really uncomfortably.
'I'm grateful that you care for me,'I hear my voice saying even if I don't feel that way at all. I could strangle him right now.
Kayl steps closer, raising his hands for a hug. I come near him and let his hands wrap around me. It's a good feeling, I won't lie. I know he cares for me really much, even if he shows that in a really strange way.
'Come now. I want to show you something,'he giggles, taking my fingers into his palms.
'Can I eat first?'I ask, pretty sure knowing I would probably vomit everything after the view he wants me to see.
'Naaah. you need to see it first.'
I don't argue, since I know what could happen if I do. I follow Kayl to the basement, where he keeps most of his toys and stop just when he stops. He releases my hand so he could unlock the door and from the smile on his face I can tell what will be behind those doors.
'If there is another target, I'm not sure I want to go in,'I tell him quite confidently. I always felt safe at home, even though Kayl told me not to.
'Oh, honey, it's wayyyy better.'he chuckles and pushes the handle towards. I can smell the blood in that room and it makes me pale.
'C'mon now. Go in.'
His excited faced scared me, but as you can tell by now, it's better not to make him angry. That's why I walk through the door and gasp from the view.
'It's beautiful, isn't it?' I hear a whisper in my ear.

Bundle of joy!

It's Saturday, bitches!

Sorry, I shouldn't call you like that out loud. But I have a day off so I'm happy as fuck today. I slept until, like, half one and it was the best sleep I ever had. Although I had pretty dumb dreams, but who doesn't? I'm not telling you about it, because it's kind of embarassing, but you can totaly tell that I'm crushing over someone. Dumb brain of mine. But nbd, I've had this before, I know how to deal with everything. Guess who started writing a story? Well, not started. I had like 20 pages of it already, but now I have inspiration to continue. I would share it with you, guys, but it's in lituanian and I'm too lazy to translate it. It's about a girl, who has schizophrenia and multiply personalities disorder. Ugh, I love writing about her. She's my little baby girl and a bundle of joy. Even though I haven't written her story for a while now. But now I can, because I'm inspired! Oh, and the band "The Baseballs" really helps. I love their covers! Oh, I could listen to them 24/7, what I basically do for two days now. Shame I don't have my speakers with me. I would probably lose myself to their music and I would dance everything off in my room. With curtains closed, of course. Too many windows, from where anyone can see my room. I love dancing by myself, if I'm sure no one is watching. Ugh, I have so many phobias I will probably die without trying most of the stuff I could. But well, as long as I go out and don't feel as an outcast, I'm fiiiiiine. Even though feeling like an outcast is my thing. I can always feel like that, if my mood wants me to. I'm controlled by my mood and sometimes it's killing me. You know, like those times, when I'm going somewhere and there a guys sitting like really far away from me and they laugh and I definetly think that they are laughting at me. It's always, I repeat, always like that. Even if I know they didn't even noticed me, it's still me they are laugting about. But hey, that means someone is talking bout me - I'm freakin famous! Lol. No, not funny.
I watched "Inside out" yesterday! (yeah, happy thoughts) I cried like 3 times while watching it, but I absolutely love that movie! Everyone should watch it. It's such a bundle of joy! I feel more optimistic after watching it. Maybe I should read "Pollyanna" today as well. I can't die from too much optimism, can I? Of course not! (optimistic thinking) Anyways, the movie was great, I went to sleep just after it and my first dream was about it. I can't exactly remember what happend, but I know, that my anger and joy kiddos had a really big fight. Or something like that. I have strange dreams, don't judge me.
Anyways, I was thinking about going to my aunts next weekend, but then I realised it will be Halloween that day! I need to find my creepy dress and make it even more creepy. Fingers crossed I can still fit in it. Maybe I should work out more this week? I should start working out. It's good for my health, but... Naaah. I'm too lazy. Maybe I'll do some stretching for my sore from work muscles, but that's probably it. I hate working out, I have no idea how I'm still not really really fat. Damn, I would love to lose few kilos, but I can't really make myself do it. I would try jogging, but if I run more than half a minute, I feel the loss of breath and I could totaly die from it. Well, maybe not die die, but I hate that feeling. I should youtube something for myself. Is there any kind of sport that lazy ass like me could do? If so, please tell me.
So there is that, I'm going back to bed, because I'm too lazy to sit on it. Omg I'm so lazy, what the hell. I'm going to the shower and then I'll do some stretching while watching tv-series or smth like that (I bet I won't).

Love you guys! x

thanks "pavotroon" for the gif. That's how I look like (except for cuteness) when I strech ;3

Foreign bird

Hey guys!

Sorry about yesterday, didn't really had the time to write ;/ You know, had lectures in the morning, then work until 12 and then we had kind of a movie night. At least my #squad came to my work to hang out with me a little bit. Sorry, for not having any alcohol there, I'm sure you wouldn't have left that early then. Anyways, sorry, but movie was crap. I can't even remember the name of it. Something with creepers. It was more of a parody than really scary movie. Maybe because I came when half of the movie was already watched by them. Sorry, I can't really talk in English today. I have no idea whats happening, but I keep talking in lithuanian. Yesterday for trhee times instead of using English language, I talked in lithuanian. Sorry for that. Anyway, movie night was kind of cool, I got many hugs and that is really nice. I love hugs, please, hug me more.
So, today I overslept a bit. Apparently if you fall asleep when you have a snapchat app on, it discharges phone really quickly. That's why my alarm didn't woke me up. When I opened my eyes, it was... noon, I think? Well, the point is, I had to be at work half an hour ago at that time. Guess who was really scared she will lose her job? Well, actually, I don't think I should be scared. Of course, it would be devistating to find another one really soon, but I'm kind of go-with-the-flow girl. I know everything happens for the reason and if I'll get fired, then it means something bigger is about to happen. So, yeah, I worked until eight and I can feel my feets really really well. It hurts like hell and I have no idea why. Oh, and I was told I got a bit fatter than I was. Wow, thanks, auntie. No, actually, I shouldn't talk with my fam anymore. Not because of their comments about my apperiance, naaah. I miss them too fucking much and if I see them, all I wanna do is hug them and cry. But hey, they said everything is getting better there! That makes my life here so much easier. I just hope I won't be the one calling them with the problems, cuz I can already her my aunt saying "I told you not to go that far away". Well, it's my choise and I'm not even a bit regreting it. I love everything here, I have most awesome friends ever, my classes are cool, everything is so good!
Oh, and, um, by the way, can anyone lend me a book that has similar name to "English humour for dummies"? Because I can't really tell if someones is joking or being serious and it makes me very awkward. And I think no one understands my jokes, so I think I'll have to stop with them at all. Even though that would be so boring. And without my dirty jokes I wouldn't be able to say much. Damn you American movies for making my dictionary so dirty. Anyway, if anyone has that book, can you lend it for me? I promise not to rip it or smth. I just need to read it very quickly.

Anyways, sorry, if it's a bit of a mess with the grammar, I can't think right now. Love you guys! x

Gif represents me right now.
Thanks "yodiscrepo" for uploading it :3

"Pretty" is quite pretty word, isn't it?

Hi guys!

Apparently, mixing vodka, beer and energy drink is quite a bad idea. My head poundered all day. Well, I'm talking about yesterday. And I had workshops. Two of them. I can't really remember what was disscused there, tbh, because I slept with my eyes open. Anyways, that was an easy part. My lovely work waited for me at 6 p.m. Well, at least I got to sleept before it, so I didn't felt completly disoriented. Although my little nap through the day meant that I couldn't really go to sleep early, so guess who went to bed at 2 am. And then woke up at 7.
But if we're talking absolutely honest here (of course we are, it's my journal.), I'm kind of liking all this. Not that I would be masochist or something. I love the idea of not being able to sleep for a good thing. Well, yeah, I was thinking about that and that, but it was actually pretty good thoughts. Even if that sounds so not like me. Yeah, I guess I'll need to go for a nap after my 9 am workshop, cuz I'm pretty sure even I can't understand what exactly am I writing. Oh well.
Anyways, I finally got the chance to make myself a cup of coffee with condensed milk. I love coffee with condensed milk! And I ate probably 5 or 6 teaspoons of that stuff itself. I feel really sweet stuff on my tongue now. Pretty cool. I like word "pretty" today, don't I? Anyways, I could really use something to eat with my coffee, because now I'm waiting for my porridge to make themselves eatable. Ok, yeah, sounds creepy, cuz they're not alive, but English language has too many words for one action - cooking. Anyways, it doesn't really go together with coffee, so I'll need to eat everything seperately. I love cookies (or biscuits) with my hot drinks. Who drinks tea or coffee alone anyways. So, yeah, I'm looking forward to a moment when my cup will be cold enought to drink from it. I'll feel to in Lithuania! I always drank my coffee with condensed milk back there. Ohhhh, and you know what? I don't freaking want to go back.
You know why? Because I'm kind of mad at my family. Not mad mad, so I wouldn't talk with them, but apparently there are no good news and one of my many aunts told me what's up there. Can you imagine how shocked I was to know, that one of my lovely aunts is getting back with her ex, who hurt her more times than I know numbers? Can you imagine my horror after hearing, that my Dear Grandma isn't doing so well with her chemoterapy? Well, at least I know what the fuck is going on. If it's everything, cuz she sounded really strange. I guess it's because something is wrong with her too. Oh my God people, why you can't just be well already. No, sorry, I'm not mad, I'm devastated, that I can't do a fucking thing for them. Although I don't regret leaving. I love it here and all of them should come and live with me. I guess they will, sooner or later.

have a good day, guys, I'm going to eat ;)

Damn it, I wish I had pizza.... gif is from "instagram-addicted" - thanks!

Wow, I got called a 'fucking bitch' today. So mature.

Echem...

I'm not used to people being nice to me. I'm not used to have friends, who could do even the tiniest thing for me. I'm not used to all of this. It feels great, knowing that I kind of have this now. But it also makes me miserable. I feel bad for being... whats the word... depended on someone. And I also feel bad for feeling bad. I hate the situation I am in. How the hell did I get here? What's wrong with me? I feel like a burden to anyone, who hangs out with me. I'm not used to have friends. Yes, I did have them, but you know what? I felt like an acquaintance in the groups I hang out back in Lithuania. That's why it may seem that I'm a weirdo sometimes. Everything is so new to me. I don't know if you ever experienced that. That mix of happiness and saddness at the same time. I feel freaking great being with my #squad everytime we go out, but I feel really fucked up when we go out somewhere public. Public always means spending money. I hate this. I hate knowing, that I have no money to spend. I hate that I spent everything I had on something, that I can't even remember. How the hell did I spent all of my inheritance in two years? TWO FREAKING YEARS. I felt so rich. Where did all of that money went? Yes, I bought a driving lessons for myself and for my aunt, I brought a car, I... what else did I do? Yeeees, I bought loads of clothes for myself. I spend a fortune on gasoline for my car. What else? How the fuck one spends nearly 10 000 euros in two fucking years? I think I just got addicted to the idea that I can buy whatever the fuck I want. 
Anyways, let's not count the money that is gone. Leeet's talk about yesterday! Oh my God it was awesome! Although I think that beer from lithuania is still the best beer ever. Even if I don't normally drink beer.  I get all blushy and stuff if I try it out. And if I mix it with even tiny bit of vodka, well, there you have me - bitchy, dirty-minded, rude idiot, who doesn't remember what it's like to be shy. Oh, and if you add a shisha with all of this, well... Let's just say, my mind got pretty occupied with not-so-fancy stuff. But I'm not telling you about it, or I'll ruin my image. I need to have my fancy, posh style going on. Even if I'm so not like that in my mind. Ugh, if I could jus speak fluently in English... Probably everyone would hate me by now. Thank God I don't speak English that well. Oh, and that horror movie we "saw? C'mon, I didn't understand a thing. Ofcourse it wasn't that scary, when you see just an intro and the ending. Spoiler alert, thank you. Anyways, I hate horror movies. Let's watch a very Potter musical, shall we?

Oh, yeah, the name of this post came up because I kind of appologised for blocking a way out for a random girl, and when I moved to the side, so she could pass me, she screamed "You should say thank you for not hitting you, you fuckin' bitch". Well, that's mature enough, isn't it? If I wasn't it that kind of mood, where I couldn't care less about other people opinions, I would have fucking punched her in her filthy mouth. Don't curse at strangers, u never know where did they came from. And trust me, if I want to, I can hit hard. Even if I might seem a little too sweet for the fighting.

Anyways, love you guys!

"yahoofantasy" posted this gif under "money" tag, so thanks for sharing it :3

Making of makes or stuff

Yeaaaah

I love making myself beautiful. I mean, I kind of know I am beautiful (8, someone says), but my confidence in real world doesn't really count. Ok, sorry, wrong word. I have no confidence in real world. Laptop, phone - those are fine, I can joke around about anything, but if I meet someone in person, I'm like super shy and silent girl. I guess there are 3 things why I'm like that. First one would be because I'm not really sure if I choose right words to express myself. Second one, I'm not sure if others understand my twisted humour. The third one, I kind of can't talk freely with people I don't trust. I mean, after I lost my best of bests friend, I became really closed. If you know what I mean. I can't let anyone near me that easely. I would love to, I'm trying to, but deep inside I know I can't. I'm afraid I will get hurt again and I don't think I would be able to bear with it.
Happy thoughts!
#Squad and me are going out tonight! I kind of know what I want to wear but I'm not sure where exactly are we going. I don't want to be a black sheep. Although I will be black. Damn those dark clothes, I have a thing for them. I shouldn't say that out loud. Well, I have a thing for many stuff. Like English accent. Any English accent is awesome and I love everyone who talks in English. Am I strange for loving a language? Other thing would be books. Oh boy I do love books. I just don't really have time to read them now. I guess my laptop and games takes all of my free time. Wait, I was talkink about clothes, wasn't I? God, I need to concentrate. So, yeah, dark clothes it is. Fingers crossed I won't freeze to death this night. I'm like really sensitive for cold. Should I take my winters hoodie with me? That would so ruin the image. What should I do with my hair? Make-up? Oh my God, I don't have anything except for mascara and eye-liner. Wow, so rich with my make up. Let's get back with my hair. Ponytail? Naah, to common. Loose hair? Common. Braid? I can't really do braids. I need to dye my hair. I wonder how much would that cost. I bet a fortune, since I need two packs of dyes for my not-so-short hair. I love how they grow back so quickly. What it was? Year now when I cut them shortly? Yeah, something like that. It was for my aunties wedding. I dyed them gingerly for the same reason. It's strange how I didn't get bored of that colour yet. I love being ginger, even if I can't really keep the bright colour for long. I need my conditioner which I left back in March....
Happy thoughts!

I kind of ran out of ideas about today, but if I think of something, I'll surely update my blog!

See ya 'round, babes x

oooh, look at me doing x stuff. Im becoming English person now ;3

Gif from "yanniesun", thanks ;3

Monday Morning like a Sunday morning

 Wzzap.

Ok, so I was told, that my blog is making everyone sad (ha, I have more than two readers!). Well, FIIIIINE! I'm gonna write something good today. I hope. I can't really think of something happy when I'm feeling deep. But ok. I will.
So, I had a really good sleep today. Like, really. It was awesome. Even the call at 8 am in the morning didn't ruin a thing. I loved that call. It made me really happy. I miss my dear friend so much I could've talked with her for ages! But her mobile internet data was limited. Bitch, get more money. Oh, wait... sorry. You are a student too. Wait, I shouldn't talk with her here. Anyways, I love her so much. I actually started to think about going home for Christmas! Even though it would mean I'll be broke by the time I come back. Naah, happy houghts, happy thoughts. You see? It's hard not to get deep while writing.
Anyways, I had like a really good breakfast at 1 am. I love 1 am breakfast. My cereals were soooo good and cold, that now I'm under my blanket and one more thing I can't remember how it's called. You know, to keep myself warm. I have two bananas by my side for my breakfast and one is already gone. It's a yummy banana. I can't wait to eat other. And then there is a cup of the best coffee I've ever made! Oh my it's so delicious I could kill for it. No, wait, happy thoughts. It's so good I could pay money for it. I will pay to myself, by the way. I'm gonna be rich by doing so! Or just not that broke. Anyways, what do you guys eat for breakfast? Comment please? I need some ideas for my food, cuz I'm kind of getting bored of cereals.
Happy thoughts!
I have a freaking day off today! Like a total day off! No lectures, no workshops, NO WORK! Ugh, I could kiss someone right now. Am I not the luckiest bitch alive? Yes I am. God I love Mondays. Even though I never ever thought I would say that. But I guess those, who hate mondays, never had a day off that day. Well, guys, it feels GREAT! I could fuck someone right now. Damn, I should settle down. I'm going to play sims all day. Or Civ V. I haven't decided yet. Well, either way, bed is my best friend today. And she is too comfy to share with anyone.

Love ya guys!

Gif from "colorlesscamp", thank you! That's me today, If someone will need me out of bed ;3

My first fight

Hi guys!
We got a task to write about our firsts. Please, don't be dirty-minded, not that kind of firsts. I know what you little sluts think. Sorry. I shouldn't call you that out loud. Anyways, I would really like to share it, even though I feel it's not the best I could do. I mean, I could write it in lithuanian and get 1000 or more words. Anyways, here goes nothing. Enjoy.

First fight

I think it‘s around 2 am in the morning. But is it? My phone is kind of broken. I can‘t really see the time. Damn those technologies.  The sky is wonderful, though. I love the idea to watch meteors shower here. Forest, river, campsite, tent... what can be better? Oh, and my best friend is here. Perfect. Although I don‘t really like the idea of drinking. I was never the one for the drinks. Dovydas, Audrius, Justė, Karolina. All of them have drinks in their hands.

‘It’s late, guys. We need to catch some sleep or Audrius won’t be able to drive us home tomorrow’ – my best friend, Karolina, murmured.

We get up, pour water on the bonfire and go to sleep. Well, sleep. Basically, it means I am laying on the mattress and listen to my friends making out. Can you imagine how I feel? That’s why I get up, get dressed again and go to the bonfire, where I put some wood on the cinder so there would be fire again. It’s cold, ya know. It took five minutes for Karolina to notice that I’m gone.

‘Bitch, get back, it’s cold’-she shouts from the other side of the campus.

‘I’m not gonna listen to making-out noises, guys. It’s disgusting.’-kind of angry-ish I shouted back.

She rolled out of the tent and came to sit near me. I slided away from her.

‘I asked you before going not to do that. I feel like shit when all of you have someone you love and I don’t. Your kissing noise doesn’t make it even slightly better.’-I was first breaking the silence after like a five minutes of hearing cricket noises.

‘Get back to the tent.’-that was her reply.

I declined. We kind of argued until Karo grabbed my hair with the intention to drag me to the tent. That was the last drop of a patience I had. I grabbed my blanket, took my phone and marched out into the dark. To get home I have to go for like 10 or more kilometers. Does it matter? No. While walking, I find my driving friends number and try to call him. No answer. I try to call to my aunt, but it’s off. I don’t know how many times I called now. Finally, my cousin answered. What the hell is she doing at this hour? Aistė promised me, that her dad will be here shortly and told me to wait on the bridge. Just after I ended the call, I heard a screaming noise. I turn around just to see Karolina, running towards me, with her fist raised high. She grabbed my hair again, but this time… This time I did the same. Screaming every possible curse I know, shouting to her, that she doesn’t have the right to tell me what to do. Karo’s nails touched my face. I could feel the blood, that spilled on my face.

‘You are so dead, whore!’-while kicking her in the stomach, I screamed.

After that, I heard others running here. I don’t really know what happened next. I think I bit someone. I love biting when I’m angry.  After that, everything is blank. I think I’m having a panic attack, because I hear them going crazy.

‘Breath, you idiot!’-someone shouts. I can’t even tell whose voice is it.

My lungs fills with air one time. Then one more. I’m shaking as I was about to die. I almost did, I think. I can’t believe my best friend, who was with me for seventeen years by now, dared to hit me. Dared to hurt me.

‘Get away from me. I hate you. I hate all of you.’-with the tears in my eyes, I whisper. 

I can’t talk. My throat is so suppressed I can barely breath. I can hear a car coming. Finally. I feel arms around my shoulders. It’s too dark to see anything. I hear a soft voice. It’s my cousin. Thank God. I don’t want to be even near my now ex-best friend. I can’t forgive her for this. Even if I would ever wanted to.

Gif from "too-far-from-wonderland'' - thanks!

Food and other stuff... yeah, stuff. I can name things really good, can't I?

 Well hi there again!

I hate throwing food away. Seriously, I absolutely hate it. And I have no idea why my food is getting bad after half a day in the fridge. I almost shred a tear when I had to throw my fruits away, because they smelled disgusting. If I knew I throw away food, that can still be used for some reason, I would feel better, but when it gets bad, I want to kill someone. Like, c'mon, we could feed half the world with the food we waste. Yeah, and I'm working at reastaurant, where basically no one finishes their food. Everytime my poor heart breaks when I have to throw rices, meat or bread away. How can anyone waste their food AND money like this? Ugh, I want to do something about it. I just don't know what. Any ideas?

I'm angry again today. Why? Well, that is a question worth more than a million. Wasting food makes me sad, but angry? My guess is weather. Where is the sun? This kind of weather makes me grumpy. I want to hang out in my bed with laptop in my lap with blanket all over me (someone promised me a new blanket, so I'm Sooooooo gonna brag when I get it. Get ready.). But can I do that all day? Noo.... I need to do my homework, I need to get ready to work and still figure out what the hell is wrong back in Lithuania, with my family. Those guys are seriously killing me with "no, not everything is ok, but you don't have to worry". Don't they know, that I basically have a phobia about that word? Everytime I get a call in the morning, while being here, I'm scared I'll hear the very same words I heard two years ago. I don't want that. Maybe thats why I'm so emotional these past days. I feel like I could burst into tears any minute now. But I won't. I don't cry this often. One time a month is one time a month too much. I hate crying. I feel too weak then. I cannot afford being weak. Why would I ever cry? I have the best #squad ever, I have my family, I have a job, I'm in my dream country, I study a language I absolutely adore. It's perfect. Why would I ever want anything else? I should be happy about it. I AM happy about it. And I still feel like crying. I hate this. Sorry, gotta go, ca'nt really see a keyboard anymore.

Love you guys!

Gif is from "Obiwanskenobi", thanks for it :)
yeah, my mood today. as always....

You can smile when Everything is wrong, you know?

So, this is me, Two years ago, in my first photoshoot. It was like, maybe two weeks after my Mum passed away? I'm not sure, but I know it wasn't long after. Can you see my smile? I was smiling even though at that time I didn't have my most Precious Person in the world. By that time, I haven't cried yet. I think I started to realise about whats happening when I got the photoshoots pictures back. I looked at this one and I thought "Damn girl. You look so happy. How?".
After a while, I, ofcouse, needed to share my modeling talents on facebook. I wanted to capture this one with words, that would mean something. So I starred at it for a while and went with "I can smile not because I am strong. I can smile, because You didn't go anywhere. You are here. I can feel that." You do know what it is about, don't you? Well, the point is, I love (still do) my Mum so much, I can't really let Her go. Never. I have a wedding ring of Hers,  I took it off just now because It started to fall from my finger. It never happened before so, I'm trying to figure what does it means. It should mean something, right? I'm too suspicious about this, aren't I? Well, thats my problem - I have my own world I live in and everything there is based on my point of view. That's why I don't cry like a baby everyday. I smile, I laugh, I live. It's because I know, that my Parents are with me even if I can't see them. I know They protect me and watch me living my life, so I want Them to be happy for me. I want Them to be proud of me. And knowing, that They see me crying hurts me even more. Because everytime I cried, Mum said that I'm breaking Her heart. Can you even imagine what can She possibly be feeling now, when She can't even hug me? When She has to see me hugging the pillow so tight it nearly rips. I don't want Her to see all of this. That's why I smile. I want to show to my lovely Mum, that I'm a big girl now. That She doesn't need to worry about me. Am I doing a good job? I hope I am.
And yes, my dear readers, in the last paragraph I used word "Them", because my Dear Mother is not alone. My so-long-gone-now Daddy is there too. I can't really remember Him, since He passed 13 years ago. I respect Him so much. You know why? Because He said goodbye before leaving. And that is the only real memory I have of Him. I love my Dad, even though I've just heard stories about what He was like. They say I look alot like Him. Well, knowing that most of my relatives tells me I look alot like my Mum, I can assume they were similar. I have Their wedding picture in my room. They are so happy together in that photo. I really hope Those to sorted everything out and now are together again. Both watching over me. At least I get to see Them in my dreams. I miss them so fucking much it nearly destroys me. Everytime I think about it. But Hey! They can wait even an eternity for me, right? So I'll live a happy life, make Them proud of me and meet them when it's time, right? Right. 
Now, Honeys, stop shredding tears about my crappy life and put a big smile in your face. You never know who wathes you from above! You can be breaking someones heart while crying, so, do that just when you cannot hold it anymore, 'kay? Smile! It doesn't cost anything and you can brighten someones day just because your mood is good! Please, smile everytime you see someone you like. Smile even for those, whom you don't like. It annoys them and makes you even happier! Anyways, see you tomorrow with more stuff to tell.

Wish you the best day/night in your 24h!

Gif, ofcourse, is from "liftilraunshe", from tumblr.com Thank you for sharing it ;)

Coffee for this morning!

Soooo....

Since I don't have a bath, I took a hot hot hot shower before my bed. While I was out, I opened my window to let the fresh air in and just before goint to bed, I closed it. It was cold, but surprisingly good. The only stupid thing was that someone in second floor started playing guitar. I'm not saying it was terrible. No, it had a good rythm, but when it's 1 a.m. I'm not sure about anything anymore. So after listening to it for about twenty minutes, I grabbed my phone and found myself looking for songs with the name "Music for sleep and deep relaxation". There was 8 hours video! So, yeah, I did push play button, went back to my lovely pillow and began my napping. It consisted of me trying to breath gradually, don't think about stupid things and let my mind flow in the blank space. If you know what I mean (no, not meme, I mean, do you understand me?;/). Anyways, after few hours I found myself in such a deep sleep! Well, at least I was sleeping, but I woke up because of the sirens. Apparently, my sleep was so good that even my pillow was soaking in dribble! It always meant for me, that my sleeping was good. So I didn't turn that quiet song off. It went on until my alarm reminded me about my duties today...But I woke up so relaxed and rested! I should do this more often, maybe then I wouldn't want to wake up in the middle of the night wanting to go to work and serve someone. Thank you, anon, for a comment about bath! It meant so much!

Anyways, have I told you, guys, about my activity in rpg? I ship Bonkai soooooo freakin' much! That's why me and my dear friend (BAE!!!) have Bonnie and Kai as characters. They look so cute together! Although, we kind of need more ideas about what we should do with them, because being lovely-dovely gets boring so quickly! As for now we were thinking about making Kai go mad as in seeing his dead relatives who will torture him and for Bonnie... she will become drug addict because of her unability to sleep at night without dreaming nightmares. But since she will want to help Kai to get better, she wil soooo try to get rid of her drugs. She wouldn't, but eventually she's gonna notice, that drugs makes her magic unstable and dangerous even for herself. So after this, we kind of need something else to develop our rpg mini-world. Does anyone have any ideas whad we could do? I'm open to any kind of offers! If you want, I will tell you how everything goes from there. Even though I'm planning on telling it anyways, because I love my Bonnie so much, that it became a little part of me! If you want to know anything more, just ask ;)

P.s. I'm so sorry if my English is worse than usual, I'm still kind of sleeping, but couldn't share how well did I sleep!

Gif from "stepstohappyness" dash, thank you for sharing it! That is so what I would ask today :3

Manage time properly

About that...

I can't manage my time. At all! That's why there wasn't anything posted. After I woke up, I did a bit of rpg'ing, I ate, had shower and then with my flatmate we went shopping. I also needed to go to the bank where, guess what! I was told, that I cannot open a current account because I don't have permanent adress in UK! What's wrong with your system, guys... So, basically, I will need to keep my money in my room. Even though I don't really have any :((( Anyways, we found local market, so guess where will I go to buy christmas presents for everyone! If I can afford any....

As a Student, I should manage my money properly too, but guess what? I have no idea how. Yes, I have a job, I will get help from my country, but it's still not good enough. I cannot not buy stuff I like. That's why I don't go anywhere without my flatmate. She is the adult in our small group. Thank God I have her! Anyways, my budget will be even more smaller since work will cut my working hours. Bitches. Sorry. But I need at least £90 p/w to live, because £75 p/w will go to my rent. So after I did some calculations (I'm bad with maths, actually), I won't get that much from my work. I have to options - first one, find a new job. Even though I really love working where I am now. Second option - don't eat or buy anything. Which is impossible because of my addiction to buy things. Food is debatable, to be honest, because at least I wouldn't get fat :3 But just for the notice, if you know anyone who needs a worker like me, please let me know! I would gladly think about it.

This night was terrible. I woke up like 9 times and all of them was because I was dreaming about my work. Someone shouted, that I need to get stuff done, so I got up from my bed and started to think how to get to work quickly. I mean, c'mon, I understand two, three times per night. I think about my work too much, but 9? Really? I almost started to get ready, when I realised, that I already got home from work and it's my day off. It really starts to scare me. Do you know anything, that could help? Maybe I should ask my flatmates to lock me in my room so I wouldn't leave... But on the other hand, I could think about jumping out of the window. You know, it's not much, since it's the first floor (second, c'mon, what's wrong with your floor numeration, UK people!!!), I would totaly concider going out through it. Probably my legs would break. Well, at least I wouldn't get to my work in the middle of the night. Weirdo, I am.

Anyways, take care, I'll try to post more boring or not really stuff, ok? Although I would really like to get some comments;/

Find this gif on "obiwanskenobi" dash, I thought it really describes how the hell I am feeling right now. Thanks!

Morning stuff and some tears on the way

Hi there!

Isn't the morning beautiful? I love this day so far! I woke up with the smile on my face (I hope it's a good sign). I made myself coffee with, I guess, spoiled milk, but does it really matter... I talked with my family for five minutes and even though I couldn't really hear them, at least I saw them. Oh, how much I miss my family... But anyways, they are ok, that means I'm ok too! Isn't the morning beautiful? I love Sundays. It's the day when you wake up knowing, that you lived for one more week in your life and you have to be grateful for that. I love being happy about small things and this ones makes me even more happy. Maybe because I can repeat that for every week for the rest of my life :3

To be honest, youtube plays sad songs. I don't know why. Maybe I just pretend to be happy? My ears hear "all of me" by John Legend and my eyes are full of tears. Is it saddness or happiness? I can't really tell. I should read "Pollyanna" again. Have you guys read it? It's a book about a little girl who lost her parents and came to live with her pessimist aunt. Pollyanna is still a child but in my mind she is so wise! She teaches everyone a game, called "Happiness game", which she learned from her father. The game is simple - in every situation in your life you should find a way to be happy about it. There was one episode from Pollyanna's life when she was hoping she will get a doll from charity but insted, she got crutches. You know what? She was happy, that she could gift it to someone, who needs it. I've learned so much from her. I should read that book again.

My heart is beating so fast. Maybe because youtube played next song. "Passenger - Let her go". This song reminds me of my dear Mother. My dearest, most loved and missed Mother. She passed away two years ago. She was the most kind, generous, loving person I've ever met. I wish I could be more like Her. I know, that right now, She would look at me and tell me to stop crying for stupid reasons. She would hug me, She would rock me in Her arms telling me that everything is fine. That She loves me more than anyone else. And I would believe Her. We would go make tea and watch tv-series or anything like that. Maybe we would go for a drive. She always knew how to make me happy. Just a memory of Her makes me smile. I know She is still with me, it's just I can't see Her. And I know it hurts Her seeing me crying. I'm so sorry for that.... It's ok! I'm smiling again! I'm fine!

Sorry for the depressing post, guys, but I was told to keep a journal of everything I possibly think of. How was your day? I want to know!

Gif from "lotsoftrees" from tumblr.com. Thank you for this one! It reminds me to Hug my problems out :3

I miss missing you...

Hey Guys...

Is it just me, or after spending some time away from home makes you see people from your town in the street you are living now? Because I swear I saw like four of them. I know they cannot be here, but it still catches my eye. Is this what you call being homesick? I mean, I love living in Leicester, if I could, I would never leave, but can I miss my hometown just for... memories? Or stuff like that? I talk with my family everyday, so it's not that I terribly miss them...yet. And it's not them I see in the streets. I see random people from my town. Since I live in a small town back in Lithuania, I basically know everyone if not by name, then by looks for sure. Is this going to be for a long time? I don't want to remember my small village. I love this city! Can anyone suggest me how should I stop seeing this? Or is it just me, who experiences this kind of stuff?

Anyways, another problem I have, is that I started to sleep walking. Not that I wouldn't know what I'm doing, but it's second night when I wake up knowing I'm in my room, but I still go to the kichen, because in my dream before waking up, my client (I'm a waitress) asked me for sugar. And just when I go to the kitchen I understand that I don't need to do that and all of it was just a dream. Weird, right? Does anyone know how to deal with it? I'm scared that next time I can walk to work so I could give someone sugar. And it's always sugar! Do I need to worry or is it that I work too much? Because, you know, I love my work, it's the best job ever.

Despite that, how was your day, guys? Did anything memorable happened? Would you mind to comment it? I'm thinking that I'm the only one refreshing my blog page... Also, you could ask me questions you would like me to comment about. I will be glad to answer!

Gif is, as usual, from Tumblr.com, I found it on "yanniesun" wall, reblogged from "l0nd0ninnit". Thank you guys! ;)

Rpg and my morning stuff

It's Friday, baby!

Guess that means another day in bed with laptop on my lap and tea (+cookies) by my side. I don't really like to party, so good day to me.Until I'll have to go to work. I love work, actually. And most of the staff are wonderful people. Well, most of them. I have a few I would like to kick, but you know, work policy. Or just, you know, I don't want to be impolite. On the other hand, everyone else are ready to stand for me, if needed. I love them so much!

Have you guys ever heard about rpg? Not the video game type. It's more for writing. I'm absolutely addicted to it! Basically what you do there is create a character or, if forum has a theme of tv-series, choose a character. At this moment I have Bonnie from 'The Vampire Diaries". I adore her so much. She's my little baby I take care of. So yeah, I write something from her position, for example, 'Bonnie went to the park today. She was so scared about last night... what happened? She wasn't sure and that was even more terrifying. Maybe that's why she sat on the bench under the tree. From the bag she carried with her, Bonnie took a book and after opening it, she started reading. She needed to put her mind to something else...'. You can write whatever, whenever, however you like, no one will judge. After you post it, other person, who, preferably, was invited to meet, can text you back. For example, 'Kai was happy. As always. He fed on an innocent girl, hid the body and now was looking for someone who could entertain him. While walking through the park, his eyes catched a lonely persona. "Bonster!"-shouted Kai, as he came near the girl."Where have you been? I was at your house this morning, but I didn't find you.. are you hiding from me?"-he smiled.' And then you text to it back and that's basically how you play.
First forum I registered was Harry Potter themed. I met my best friend there! I had no idea what rpg is and my posts were like one or two sentences. You can do that, if you want to, but it's always good to see longer text, because that's how you make others know what kind of person your character is. What does he feel, how he thinks and stuff like that. If you want to start rpg, just comment, we can figure something out! Although I don't promise I'm gonna be a good partner, since English is my second language. I bet I made hundred mistakes in my blog, but please, no judging. I can do that for myself, thank you.

Anyways, gotta go, my shower needs me! Or I need a shower. Well, we are best friends, so you know, that can happen.

Have a good day, my fellows!

I got gif from tumblr.com (as usual) 'trinocence' post. Thank you for sharing it!